To ask will my children ever know how loved they are?

[thewinehasgonetomyhead]

Bit of a soppy one I’m afraid. Dd1 is three, dd2 is 5 months. I’m lucky enough to be a SAHM and I love it so much. I wonder if my girls will ever remember these days we share together and if they’ll really know how loved they truly are?

How do you ensure your ankle biters feel the love?

[Genderwitched]

How would they not know? you can feel it.

[HellenaHandbasket]

Oh I feel like doing that most nights too weed 😂

[thewinehasgonetomyhead]

Ahhh all these are so lovely.

I was literally just stating that I am a SAHM, it doesn’t make any difference.

I could have written I am a mum with blonde hair, I don’t mean blonde haired mums love their children more.

All these replies are so lovely.

[PinguDance]

Well no they're not going to remember much of what you actually did but hopefully they'll grow up feeling secure and happy and remember fun stuff you did together from when they're a bit older.

I actually feel more loved by my Mum as an adult than I ever did as a child - I feel very lucky in that respect as I know this is not always the case. We don't tell each other we love each other, there's zero sentimentality but she absolutely fucking shows up when she's needed.

I'm saying this on this thread not to belittle the singing etc but in case anyone who has had post natal depression or has been in a compromised situation where they weren't able 'be loving' towards their young children starts to feel bad. It's obviously nice to be able to do all that but feeling loved is a lifelong project that doesn't depend on those early memories.

[Kolo]

This has made me blub a bit. I lost my mum 12 years ago, my eldest child is now 10. I had a happy childhood and I knew my mum loved me very much, but I didn’t realise just how much till I became a mother myself. I didn’t realise how easy a decision it would be to give my own life for my kids, for example, or how every time they get hurt, it’s like a dagger in my heart.

So I don’t know if kids can grasp the depth of our love for them until they experience it too. But in my head, the love I show my kids every day is to build up their sense of security and confidence. They may not realise it, but having a loving family makes it so much easier to go out and take risks, be brave, make friends, show love to others, have fulfilling relationships.

[LydiaLunch9]

They will probably realise it when they have kids of their own.

I always knew I was loved, but I never appreciated to what extent until I had kids. After that, I had a new respect for my parents and everything they did for me.

[2doubles]

I love mine too, more than anything in the world, but I’m not a SAHM. I wonder what the SAHM bit has to do with it?

, that didn't take long did it? Is OP now allowed to mention she loves being a SAHM?

[Petersfield]

What a beautiful thread, this has made me day.
I have a vivid memory from age 5 where I sudden got how much mum loved me. I had been sick and she had dressed me in clean pjs, looked after me all day and made a soup for tea. She had the fire on and we were waiting for dr who to start. All normal stuff that she did every day, but I had this lightbulb moment where I saw it really clearly, the depth of care and love. I was so overwhelmed that I made her a thank you card!
When I was older and understood what a dreadful childhood mam had, and how she struggled with her mh, I was floored all over again by her mothering skills.

[Petersfield]

And mam was sometimes a sahm, sometimes worked. Dad was sometimes a stay at home dad, sometimes worked. The quality of their love never changed.

[2doubles]

Nothing to do with you being a SAHM though, I work full time, and feel exactly the same about my DS

OP's not talking about you though - she's talking about herself and her circumstances...and the fact is she's a SAHM.

[thewinehasgonetomyhead]

To reiterate, being a SAHM has nothing to do with it. It’s just that’s what I am!

[ShotsFired]

Tell them. I don't mean tell them so often it makes it meaningless, but say it with reason and heartfelt and why.

I don't recall my folk ever saying it loud (just not that sort of family, don't really do hugs either). I think/know they do love me, we get on really well, but some therapy for a different issue has made me see that part of my weird shit now has come from feeling unimportant as a kid and has seriously affected me as an adult.

[Ratbagcatbag]

Mines slightly different. I'm NC with my mum and dad after years of emotional trauma and neglect growing up.
I never felt loved and safe. I thought when my DD was born I wouldn't know how to feel love. I was wrong. I sometimes sneak into her bedroom when she's asleep and just look at her, my heart literally aching with how she makes me feel.
I tell her every day that I love her, I'm proud of her and I will always be there for her unconditionally.
We have bedtime rituals and she sneaks in my bed (single parent!) every night, cuddles sleepily into me and sighs into my ear that "she really really loves me more than anything else in the world". It makes me teary.
All I've ever hoped is that she will have a childhood so many millions of miles away from what I had.

[katmarie]

I tell my ds every day, so many times a day, how much I love him. I tell him when I go out in the morning, and when I put him to bed, sometimes instead of a story I tell him a list of all the people that love him, starting with me and his dad, and finishing up with the dogs!

He's 8 months so I'm pretty sure it's not really understood but I hope when I hold him, and rock him and kiss him, he feels it. Like so many have said, I had no idea until I had mine, just how amazing my own parents are. I'm fortunate enough to still have them both around and I've told them so many times how grateful I am, I don't think I'll ever get across the sheer depth of my feeling though!

[feelingdizzy]

Mine are 15 and 16 and tower over me,I still well up regularly with how wonderful they are( they honestly aren't great sometimes) and how much I love them .I have been a single parent for many years so sometimes its been hard, but as I tell them all the time they are the beat if my heart, and the best thing I ever did .

[thewinehasgonetomyhead]

I have a little notebook which I keep in the kitchen and every now and then I write down a little memory from the day or their favourite things at the time. Nothing momentous, just little things.

[RomanyRoots]

they will remember the time you spend with them.
But kids get used to the family norm and you don't need to be a sahm, to do this.

I have never used childcare, it wasn't for us and was a sahm. I asked my grown up dc about this not long ago. They said at the time they were glad to come home to mum and friends rather than after school clubs where their friends missed out on hobbies.
For us it was better, but not for everyone.
Some families need both parents working to pay the bills.

[Dontknowwhatimdoing]

"OP's not talking about you though - she's talking about herself and her circumstances...and the fact is she's a SAHM."

Yes 2doubles, and I was just replying giving my similar, but not the same, experience of motherhood, is that a problem?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Like Hellena up thread, I was blown away by the gentleness and kindness that my older three show to their much younger little brother. It's lovely to think they have learned that from us.

We don't really go in for constant declarations of love in our house, and frankly I know a few families who do where the parents treat the kids with a good degree of selfishness.

But I remember one night when FiL was babysitting and blamed DS(6 or so) for something that he hadn't done, (it was DD(4) at fault but DS didn't want her to be told off so kept quiet). Apparently FiL was having a real good go at DS saying I would not like him for being naughty. DS looked him in the eye and said "My mum loves me even when I'm naughty."

FiL was a bit ashamed of himself for being hard on DS and told me this when we got in.

[MakeMineATwin2]

This is so lovely!

I actually do remember small parts of when I was a baby.I remember having cuddles with my mum and her singing to me.

I hope my dc remember all the love I show them.

I wish all children could be loved and cherished.

[ZigZagZebras]

They won't remember it but it will shape their personality and self confidence for life. And they will know how much you love them as life continues though probably won't fully understand until they have their own children.

[serbska]

They will know and remember that they are loved.

[OkMaybeNot]

Every cuddle, every kiss, every dinner you make them, every story you read them is creating millions of neural pathways in their brain every single day.

They may not recall every detail but you're very literally imbibing them with love.

[ExpectingToFly]

I'm so torn reading this. I have a 3yo and a 5 month old too and I love them so much just the way everyone is describing. I adore them.
But before I had them I assumed I was going to have devil children and I was going to be the worst mother ever .
After I had my first it just wasn't like that and something deep down must have happened and I ended up having counselling all to do with my parents.
All to do with how badly they made me feel about my Self. My mum hit me everyday until I was a teenager. She humiliated and punished me and was always angry . My dad so passive just enabled it all to happen.
I look at my kids everyday and wonder how did they do all those awful things to me? They must never have felt like this?
Thankfully I'm getting help and I feel very secure as a parent and feel confident that my children feel loved and safe.
The cycle has been broken!

I can't wait to become a grandma

[BelindaBellender]

My DD is 20 now and loves looking at old photos of us doing things. She appreciates what I’ve done and the relationship we have is enough to tell me I did something right.
Being good enough is good enough.