To ask at what point, and how you approach someone about whether all is ok with their baby?

[SummerGems]

Before I am potentially flamed here or accused of judging, I’m not judging, but I am concerned.

My neighbours are lovely people. Well that is to say the bloke is lovely but I’ve never spoken to the wife because she pretty much keeps herself to herself whereas he’s the one who comes out and walks the dog and so on but I’ve no reason to assume that she isn’t lovely as well... Earlier this year they had a baby. In the beginning he cried a lot and the bloke told us that he had a tongue tie, reflux and other things which were difficult but being brought under control with medication and intervention. So far so normal. Babies cry, especially newborns and. Didn’t really give it much thought.

However, in the past couple of months I have noticed that during the day the baby cries all the time. Not just crying but screaming, high pitched screaming for probably fifteen/twenty minutes at a time.

At night when the husband is home the baby does cry but it’s just a normal baby’s cry iyswim? And I often hear him singing to the baby, talking to him etc and it’s just the normal run of the mill cry of a baby who is six months plus in age.

But the screaming every day is relentless, to the point that I am wondering whether everything is ok, or whether there could A, be something wrong with him, or B, that the mum just might not be coping.

But I don’t know her well enough to ask. And I certainly wouldn’t want to go and knock on the door to ask if she’s ok because I don’t want her to feel judged. After all to tell someone you can hear their baby screaming next door would potentially make her feel worse if she’s already finding it difficult to cope.

So wwyd?

reflux is shit
babies scream and there are certain parts of day it’s worse
the mum may welcome some support
just ask her round to yours for s cuppa ..
otherwise if concerned talk to local health visiting team

Does your neighbour take the baby out by herself? Does he still scream then? At 6 mobths unless there is some physical issue babies are usually very interested in whats going on around them looking to be stimulated and entertained when awake. Does seem out of the ordinary to be screaming all day. Would be good if you managed to speak with the husband, just a general enquiry trying to lead up to how his wife is coping. Failing that we all have a responsibility to look out for the vulnerable in society and given the persistence you ANBU to contact any health visitor (if one exists locally) social services. The mum could well be suffering from severe PND.

Of course you contact local health services if you don't know the parents and are concerned!

It's not snooping, it's looking out for a baby. You can't be thinking of stepping on anyone's toes when a baby's health, therefore life, could be at risk.

Call the local surgery, say you're concerned about the quality of the cry from baby in no.10. Local surgery will make enquiries to find baby's GP (therefore HV), HV will get in contact. NOthing heavy, just 'HV calling to see how things are going'.

This is how we look after one another.

Id get some ear plugs. My baby was a screamer if not held up until about 2 months ago. He is 9 months and would scream all day and night and i still had to maintain a household and look after my 2 other asd kids so at some point baby had to be put down in cot etc and he would scream. Id probably be a bit miffed if my neighbours said something, tho they are troupers for not complaining lol. But there was nothing wrong with my baby and i guess i cope lol. He is the most happiest baby now hardly cries 2 months ago he flipped a switch so it wont last forever

Please don’t report the poor woman. I’m shocked a couple of people have said this. Just ask if she wants a cup of tea and, if she doesn’t, leave her to it. My baby used to scream all day. It was horrendous. I would have been devastated if someone reported me.

Does seem out of the ordinary to be screaming all day.

and what the ACTUAL post said was that the baby screamed for 15-20 minutes at a time!!

I have a 6 month old who screams for 15ish minutes throughout the day. Usually nap times because she won't go down without a fight, or because she's having to wait for her milk, or I'm busy (have 2 other dc) and she's having to wait. No issues, no pnd, coping just fine. She doesn't scream as much when DH is home because there are 2 of us, one to hold the little diva and one to do the rest of the jobs.

Could be me. My newborn is a screecher when he wants to be. I also have a young toddler so during the day when I am on my own I have to deal with them both alone and also try and do housework (literally bare minimum, enough clothes washed to wear and food prepared to eat).
Sometimes that means leaving my newborn to cry for 10 minutes because I have to change toddlers nappy or I'm in the middle of sorting their lunch etc. He cries less at night because DH is home and someone can always be holding him while the other cracks on.

Sometimes I wonder if the neighbours think I'm being neglectful, and reading this post certainly makes me worry more!

I can't believe the modern world. People are telling the Op to record the crying and report it to an official figure like a health visitor.. Instead of taking the basic human step of knocking and saying hello I'm your neighbour are you OK ie coming up with a friendly way of checking in on her.

The world has become so detached and cold because of the Internet

Op it's lovely you are concerned for the mum... Please don't be afraid to reach out a helping and kind hand

Dear good I know you mean well but babies cry, you just live next door to this one. It cries in the day, it doesn't know it's the day.

Call the local surgery, say you're concerned about the quality of the cry from baby in no.10. Local surgery will make enquiries to find baby's GP (therefore HV), HV will get in contact. NOthing heavy, just 'HV calling to see how things are going'

No😂 that will not happen from a phone call the the local surgery in 90% of cases. Really.

Ok firstly I have no intentions of calling anyone to report them.

I’ve left my number, for now that’s a start, I certainly don’t want to wade in heavy-handedly offering to be this woman’s saviour if she doesn’t need one and is going to feel judged.

What I will say though is that the cries are different depending on when the mum and dad are there. During the day when the mum is there the baby screams, and I mean screams for periods of time. Yesterday the DH was home and although I heard the baby cry, he cried rather than screamed.

So I guess it could be entirely possible that if e.g. the baby needs to be upright if he’s in pain for instance then that might be why when the mum is on her own he is screaming rather than crying if she has to put him down to get things done. And why when the DH is there one of them can hold the baby and although he might still cry for whatever reason, the position could be different perhaps?

But I’m not about to go intruding on these people’s lives but neither am I just going to ignore the fact that they seem to have an unhappy baby for now

When you know ages home thrn get a couple of no mice cream cakes and nip to nearest costs and grab a couple of coffees/teas and go knick on her door and say hi, thought you might fancy some company and a cuppa for half hour? She'll either let you in or she won't.

Maybe pop round and be friendly but unobtrusive and ask if you can help out in any way? Idk if you have kids but you could say something like "Oh my LO/sisters LO used to cry like this and I'd not be able to get anything done - I'm popping out to the shops and wondered if you needed me to grab you anything?" It might be a nice way to get to know her/find out what's going on without being too OTT by reporting her (which would be a huge blow to any parent who hasn't done anything wrong). Well that's what I'd do, although others mumsnetters might think I was annoying