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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selfish in-laws

98 replies

funmum22 · 03/10/2018 11:34

Going to try not to drag this out too much!
My in laws don't have my DS ever, I asked MIL to have him one day a week while I work but she said only if she could at her house, which doesn't work for me as I work 4-8pm so I want DS (being only 14 months) at home at that time to be getting ready for bed. My mum has him twice a week and is constantly putting herself out to help us, she has loads of toys at hers and went out and bought a car seat & push chairs (just cheap ones) and asked if she could bring him to hers so she can get stuff done but bring him back here in time for dinner and pjs etc.
We asked in laws to babysit sat eve while we go for a well needed date night and they said only if they could have them at theirs.
Aibu to think it's just selfish? We want them to come over for an hour on a Saturday evening so we can go out? I wouldn't care if they just don't ever have him but leave it at that, but they constantly complain about my mum having him more!

OP posts:
ToucanPlayAtThatGame · 03/10/2018 11:37

To be honest, I think YABVU. It's not your ILs responsibility to look after your child. Pay for childcare. They have offered to look after your DS, it just doesn't suit you.
Biscuit

AuntBeastie · 03/10/2018 11:40

I think that, within reason, you have to accommodate wha suits the person providing free childcare. If their offer doesn’t suit you, you don’t have to accept it. You shouldn’t, however, call them selfish.

CoughLaughFart · 03/10/2018 11:40

How far away do they live? You talk a lot about what’s convenient for you, but is it convenient for them to come over to your place? I don’t really understand why you can’t drop your son off at their place before you go out.

Sparklyfee · 03/10/2018 11:41

YABU and I think you know that. This thread couldn't be more goady if you tried.

Bored much? Hmm

cheesefield · 03/10/2018 11:41

I think if you want them to help with childcare you can't be picky about whether it's at theirs or yours. They're not obligated to babysit. They've offered at least.

How far away do they live? Do they drive?

MrsMotherHen · 03/10/2018 11:41

No YABU! they are providing you with free childcare! your mum has him at her house which you allow so why not your MIL because she bought toys and a pram ect.... am sure he wont need this for a few hours pack a little bag of toys that can be left at so yes YABU

ButtermilkBiscuits · 03/10/2018 11:42

YABU! You need to give your head a wobble. Why are you so obsessed with your son not going to their house? It's weird. They probably think you're a controlling bint. Just let your DS go stay with his grandparents!

Hotpinkangel19 · 03/10/2018 11:42

It's you that's selfish! You want childcare but on your terms! It's free!

statetrooperstacey · 03/10/2018 11:42

Take him there then and assume they are offering overnight ?! Pack his pjs?

statetrooperstacey · 03/10/2018 11:44

My daughter brings my dgs to me to babysit then he sleeps the night . She thinks the 40 min each way drive is worth the pay off😁

NicePieceOfPlaid · 03/10/2018 11:44

If they are doing you a favour you don't get to dictate the terms.

Sparklesocks · 03/10/2018 11:44

Your in laws didn't choose to have kids, you did.
If you want childcare you need to pay for it like everyone else

ApolloandDaphne · 03/10/2018 11:45

They are offering to have him, but they want to do it in their home. Seems reasonable to me.

timeisnotaline · 03/10/2018 11:45

They would have minded your baby once a week , after you asked, but it didn’t quite suit you so you are here whingeing instead?? Your poor in laws. Either that or I’ll get the deletion message soon.

Fluffyunicorns · 03/10/2018 11:47

Where is the law that your parents/parents in law have to look after your child. You are lucky that one set helps - that does not make the other selfish - they looked after their own children - it's your job to look after yours

KoshaMangsho · 03/10/2018 11:49

Erm. They did say yes but not on terms convenient to you. Your mum looks after DS at hers but the in laws must look after at yours. Just pay for childcare! Just don’t get this. I pay for all my childcare so all four grandparents can just enjoy their grandkids without being responsible for them.

onedayiwillmissthis · 03/10/2018 11:50

Oh my...just...glad your not my DIL

Snappedandfarted2018 · 03/10/2018 11:51

Biscuit Its all about you isn’t it. You don’t just click you’re fingers and people should come running to you at your beacon call.

bridgetreilly · 03/10/2018 11:51

Yup, YABU. Let them have him at theirs. They can put him to bed there and you can bring him home asleep. Or they have him overnight and you collect him in the morning.

OldShuck · 03/10/2018 11:52

Yabu!

bridgetreilly · 03/10/2018 11:52

Also, it's really not their fault that you work during his bedtime.

Brainfogmcfogface · 03/10/2018 11:52

If you’re asking them to babysit then I’d expect you to accommodate them and what they want, after all they are helping YOU out and for free!!
I’m on my own with no one to babysit, ever! if someone was willing to have my LO I’d be telling them how grateful I am and doing all I could to make their life easier, not calling them selfish. YABVU

Original poster
funmum22 · 03/10/2018 11:52

I don't need them to have him. I have childcare. They complain about wanting to have him

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 03/10/2018 11:53

So why you complaining they are selfish when you stated you asked them to have him one day a week and Saturday night?

oh4forkssake · 03/10/2018 11:57

YABU

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