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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selfish in-laws

98 replies

funmum22 · 03/10/2018 11:34

Going to try not to drag this out too much!
My in laws don't have my DS ever, I asked MIL to have him one day a week while I work but she said only if she could at her house, which doesn't work for me as I work 4-8pm so I want DS (being only 14 months) at home at that time to be getting ready for bed. My mum has him twice a week and is constantly putting herself out to help us, she has loads of toys at hers and went out and bought a car seat & push chairs (just cheap ones) and asked if she could bring him to hers so she can get stuff done but bring him back here in time for dinner and pjs etc.
We asked in laws to babysit sat eve while we go for a well needed date night and they said only if they could have them at theirs.
Aibu to think it's just selfish? We want them to come over for an hour on a Saturday evening so we can go out? I wouldn't care if they just don't ever have him but leave it at that, but they constantly complain about my mum having him more!

OP posts:
Brainfogmcfogface · 03/10/2018 11:59

But you stated twice you asked them. They haven’t said no (which they have every right to do) they’ve said it had to be at their house and you call them selfish because they aren’t willing to do as you want them to. Jeez entitled much?! Count your blessings you have them to help at all, not everyone has that luxury.

Padparadscha · 03/10/2018 11:59

They complain about wanting to have him

Probably because you won’t let them have him Hmm.

I don't need them to have him.

You’re whole opening post is bemoaning the fact they ‘won’t’ babysit so you can go on a ‘date night’. Why don’t you use the childcare you already have for that, if looking after him at their house is such a precious inconvenience for you?

RedDogsBeg · 03/10/2018 12:01

It's all about you, isn't it OP? Everyone has to bend over backwards like your mum has (and more fool her for doing so) just for you, your selfishness and narcissism knows no bounds.

allmycats · 03/10/2018 12:01

In your post you say that YOU ASKED MIL to have child on Mondays and asked her to have child on Saturday night, but at your place not hers. You then say 'I don't need them to have him. I have childcare. They complain about wanting to have him'

So, which is the truth, cos it can't be both scenarios.

IMO you just want it all your way. I am so lucky that my DIL is not like you

Sparklyfee · 03/10/2018 12:02

You asked them to have DS one day EVERY week and on Saturday night for "a much NEEDED date night". But you don't need them to have him.

It's not all about you, you do know that? Get proper childcare

StealthNinjaMum · 03/10/2018 12:03

Maybe you worded it wrongly op but you are coming across as a bit demanding and unreasonable.

RedDogsBeg · 03/10/2018 12:03

My mum has him twice a week and is constantly putting herself out to help us, she has loads of toys at hers and went out and bought a car seat & push chairs (just cheap ones) and asked if she could bring him to hers so she can get stuff done but bring him back here in time for dinner and pjs etc.

When you say jump does she ask how high?

VimFuego101 · 03/10/2018 12:03

YABU. Nobody owes you childcare.

SalemBlackCat4 · 03/10/2018 12:04

OP, what difference does it make if they have him at their place instead of yours? I really don't understand why it bothers you. Why does it matter?

Gottagetmoving · 03/10/2018 12:07

I look after my grandsons a lot. I'm happy to do it when I CAN. I would be annoyed if it was expected.
I don't understand parents who think they should get free childcare on demand and yet if the grandparents say or do anything at all they are interfering CFs.

bringincrazyback · 03/10/2018 12:07

You sound as though you think your relatives are automatically duty-bound to offer free childcare on your terms. That's an incredibly entitled attitude, and YABVU imho.

Always makes me laugh when people complain others aren't willing to 'have' (I hate that expression) their children often enough for their liking. Your mum sounds like a star, but it's unfair to your ILs to hold her up in comparison to how little you feel your ILs do.

You're the one who chose to have kids and any help that's offered is a favour, not a duty on the part of others. Even if they're family.

SlothMama · 03/10/2018 12:07

YABU
If you have childcare why are you moaning? If they offer to care for their grandchild it's not selfish of them to want to stay in their home...

SillySallySingsSongs · 03/10/2018 12:09

YABU.

You want everything your own way it seems.

overagain · 03/10/2018 12:09

There's definitely some selfish behaviour going on here. But it isn't your PILs.

Quartz2208 · 03/10/2018 12:09

Surely no one is that blinkered

She is willing just not on your very strict terms (which clearly you allow your mum to do) and feels more comfortable at her house

RedSkyLastNight · 03/10/2018 12:10

I think it's pretty usual for a family member providing free all day childcare to have the child at their house. You seem to have no issue with your mother doing this?

I can't see the problem with the in-laws looking after the DC at yours. If you're worried about bedtimes, he either stays over night at theirs, or they get him bathed and into PJs before you pick up so he can sleep in the car and you can just move him into bed.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 03/10/2018 12:11

There’s a world of difference between them having their DGS to visit and being expected to mind him in your home. They are not a resource for you to tap into to suit your needs, they are his grandparents, and the parents of your DH.

SputnikBear · 03/10/2018 12:12

They can’t complain about your DM babysitting more than they do, because your DM babysits (at least partially) in your home. When they’re willing to babysit on the same terms as your DM, they can babysit. Tell them your child needs to be in his own home from 6pm onwards, if they don’t want to come to your home then you’ll hire someone who will.

Cutietips · 03/10/2018 12:12

Yabu obviously. But you won’t believe it because you just came on here to get everyone to agree with you.

Birdsgottafly · 03/10/2018 12:12

Can they relax in your home, or do you have very high standards/ways of doing things?

I'm Babysitting for my DD's Friend and I'm about to break off the arrangement because I'm on my Nerves. She likes things done a particular way and wants me to sit in her Flat, even if it was a nice day, because of her fixed routines.

Bedtime, I get, but nothing else, unless the child is showing signs of needing a fixed routine.

Tohaveandtohold · 03/10/2018 12:13

Yabvu. She’s willing to look after your DS, just not on your terms. You sound very entitled, it’s all about you isn’t it.

Oysterbabe · 03/10/2018 12:14

Why is your mum allowed to have him at her house?

saganorenscarandcoat · 03/10/2018 12:15

Nope, not your in laws who are selfish. YABU

QueenOfCatan · 03/10/2018 12:16

Yabu. The only one being selfish here is you.

Hillarious · 03/10/2018 12:17

When my DC were 14 months old, I visited my in-laws with them, so they could spend time with together, and with me too. Do you do this? Are they disappointed not to be able to see your DS? It's a much different relationship if a grandparent is solely there to provide childcare.

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