AIBU to think husband does not need ‘a list’

[firstworldproblems2018]

DH works full time, I work part time. Two school age DC. My work is such that 95% of the time I can do school drop off. Sometimes, like today, I have a work thing that means I need him to do it. Last night, he asked me to send him a text message or leave a note with what the DC needed for school and what time they had to be there etc. He has done drop off numerous times over the years, and they really don’t need to take much (water bottles, school bags, older one needs a snack for break). AIBU to think he really doesn’t need a list and should just get on with it?!

Obviously no you're not BU!

This really annoys me.
I get asked similar.
My favourite is where are their clothes?
You know that big box with doors in their bedroom? Wtf do you think we bought it for?

Send him a long list of completely unnecessary items and see how long it takes him to pick up on it ;-)

Double .

^^yup.
"left sock, right sock, left shoe"
Omit right shoe and see what happens...

He doesn't want to have to think about it. He thinks the mental load is your job.

He probably doesn't 'need' a list, but wants to make sure the DCs don't end up at school without something.
It's easy when you do something every day, but if you only do it occasionally, it's not unusual to feel a little unsure. Especially when someone else is dependent on you.
I always have to think twice when the DCs go back after the summer break, and mine are teens.

I don't think it's that demanding, to ask for a reminder of something that you do only once a month. I'm crap at remembering the details of things that I don't do often.

Having said that, if he needed the reminder in writing as well as you telling him, he's being lazy by not bothering to remember what you've told him just hours before he had to do the thing.

He probably doesn’t need a lost and would manage fine but also knows that should he forget something you would go ballistic so it’s safer to ask for a list.

If he doesn’t usually do it, if he wants to get it right why wouldn’t you text him a list? If my husband is away and I need to do ‘his’ jobs then I’d want a list too.

If he doesn’t usually do it, if he wants to get it right why wouldn’t you text him a list?
Because OP is busy too, and he should be able to think for himself. It's not rocket science!

I tend to leave lists for dh. I do most of the day to day home stuff so if I need him to do something it’s easier to leave a time schedule as makes it smoother for dc, dh and me in the long run!

It also ensures that he does it the way I want it done 😀

The idea of leaving someone a list is odd to me.

But then I'm a single parent and everything at home is solely my responsibility so I guess it's second nature now.

And this is why the Alexa advert exists (and is causing controversy).

How old are the D.C.? They should be packing their own bags tbh.

Yes, he needs a list!

Short words, big letters. Preferably colour coded.

My DH could easily write something like this about me. He always does the bedtime routine, DS has SEN and likes a strict routine. DH works away occasionally and I always have to ask him what the routine is. I just don't want to risk forgetting something.

Is it really unreasonable to ask your partner for a reminder to make sure you don't forget something or upset your child? I don't think this is about the differences in men and women. It's just about how often you each do particular tasks 🤷‍♀️

I work full time and DH does the majority of school drop offs. I have to ask him for hints and tips if I do drop off. DDs requirements vary - some weeks are PE, some are forest, some days she has packed lunch and some days hot dinners. There is always something she needs to take in (plastic bottles or money or forms or something). I also like a confirmation of drop off or pick up time - I know she is roughly 9 - 3 but exactly what time I need to be standing in the playground is something I don't always remember. Your DH wants to get everything correct for your kid - no harm in asking!

I am a great list writer, it puts my mind at ease to know things will be done properly, by which I mean my way.

My husband asks me to do this because he's petrified of getting it "wrong"

Cut him a little slack op, he's probably making sure he stays in your good books

Interesting replies. To be honest, it’s not so much that I object to writing the list, and actually I like to be in control, but I suppose it just irritated me yesterday because he never Takes on any of the ‘mental load’ stuff, which is fine, I work PT and have the time to do it, but I suppose on the rare occasion I ask him to do something like drop off, he needs a hand hold. I don’t know. Part of me feels a fully grown adult should be able to remember what their own DC need for school (and the older one does pack her own bag!) without a list. But maybe I’m being too harsh. I do leave lists for other things, if I go away for a night or whatever.

I think part of my resentment stems from a time we both worked FT and I did literally everything.

i think you're being harsh tbh
You do it everyday. He doesn't. He cares that the dcs have everything they need for school. What's the big deal sending him a text for him to do a quick double check as they leave for school?

I think it's kind of good he wants to be totally sure he does everything right although I do think he might be protecting himself: 'your list didn't mention they need coats'

my dh gets lists whether he wants them or not i am a controlfreak

Oh, please do leave a list as Double says!

• water bottles
• tin of chopped tomatoes
• snack for lunch
• pair of spare pants each
• check their uniform
• check date on passports
• homework diaries
• 3 sheets of A3 paper, purple
• clean shoes
• French braid hair
• bottle of red wine for teacher