No to let my daughter wear make up?

[Florabella]

My daughter met is 11 - almost 12. She really wants to wear makeup (not to school) and tells me that most of her friends do (some do and some don't ).

She says she only wants-light make up for special occasions, but I know that would become every weekend! I had always said 13 before and make up. To me they are far to conscious of their appearance at too early an age.

What do you think? AIBU? I honestly don't know

Surely a clear lipgloss and a brown mascara won’t be the end of the world?

Also get her some skin care stuff like the simple range. She probably wants to feel a little more grown up and wants to be like her friends.

No false eyelashes though.

I would say let her have lip gloss and take her for a pedicure and get her toes painted. Maybe a bit of eye make up for parties but no foundation or eyeliner.
Also get her into the habit of looking after her skin too. When she does start wearing it she needs to take it off properly.
It's your decision if you let her wear it but if you don't she will probably borrow her friends which isn't hygienic it's better to have her own.

I wouldn't be keen either but then I didn't really wear make up until I was in my forties when my face started looking a bit craggy!
They are under enormous pressure to conform so maybe just allow a few bits.

I think at that age it's fairly normal to wear lipgloss and mascara. I don't see the harm. The longer you say no, the more likely she will go completely OTT when you say yes.

Maybe a bb cream/tinted moisturiser and some mascara. You can get lip balms with a hint of colour in from burts bees that are good.

It doesn’t need to be all or nothing. I’m sure when I was 12 I had some lipgloss, nail varnish (are you counting that as make up?) and maybe mascara, but not lipstick, foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner etc.

She’ll be putting on makeup when she meets up with her friends regardless of your rules & then using a wipe to take it off before she meets up with you/comes home. Let her have her own mascara & eyeliner so she doesn’t get an eye infection from using someone else’s.

She’ll probably trowel it on when round at her mates if it’s totally forbidden, so better to have an eye on what products she’s using.

I'm ancient, but my parents agreed to makeup from this age with provisos. Practising, playing about in the house and with Mates-whatever. Going out-mascara (brown or clear)and lipgloss/tinted balm. I agree that they dont need anything on their face at that age, especially not foundation, but why not encourage her in looking after her skin-some gentle skin care, like simple. Encourage the use of spfs. Try and foster the idea of enhancing natural beauty, not obliterating it.
Don't forget,the more you forbid something, the more attractive it becomes.

YABU

And I agree with this:
The longer you say no, the more likely she will go completely OTT when you say yes.

Forbidding her from wearing make up will not make her less conscious of her appearance.

Experimenting with make up is a fun and natural thing to do on the cusp of adolescence.

YANBU to wish she would not already be interested at her age. But she is. I wouldn't get into conflict or control issues around body, image and appearance. Just let her be and set reasonable limits if needed (as you have said, no make up for school).

Do you see if her friends really are?

I was never permitted to use make up and it has hugely dented my self confidence. If all her friends are starting then let her experiment. Far better to have disasters and mishaps when her friends are still learning than when they've already perfected their look!

Heavy foundation - no, but I would let her wear light eye/lip make-up. At that age it feels so important to fit in with your peers.

What BGO said.

Mascara and lip gloss will be enough for now. You never know though; it could be a passion of hers which she could develop into a career - it is a form of art!

I think I was just gone 11 when I was allowed the occasional bit of make up - and that was in the 80s and my mum was strict!

My daughter is also 11 and we are having the same “but everyone else gets to” bribes!

I have bought her a brown mascara and lipgloss and she gets to wear various shades of pale nail varnish, doing her nails is her favourite thing to do as she has wanted to since she was 4!!

However what I also drive home daily is if she wants to feel pretty and wear makeup the most important factors are her teeeth, skin and hair and if she isn’t going to look after them there isn’t any point!

So we treated her to a good cleanser and moisturiser, shampoo and conditioner (she has long thick curly hair) and her own toothpaste which she likes to keep in her room lol!

Bobbi Brown do a lovely free make-up session for pre-teens with no pressure to buy. If she's going to wear make-up (and I let my DD) then it would be good for her to learn how to do it subtly rather than going for the TOWIE look. Lots of good YouTube videos too.

I suspect if you get her a few bits (along the lines suggested above) she'll have the odd session with her friends where they all do each other's makeup, and largely leave it alone (at least that's what my DD did). I think at that age it's about wanting to be the same as everyone else (and yes, likely most of the others will have at least some makeup) and forbidding it will only make it more desirable whereas just getting it for her will make it "normal".

I think there’s a bit of balance to be found on this.

I don’t like make on young girls, I think it’s guilding the lily but I also remember girls at school putting on lipstick and make up on behind their Mother’s back while walking to school.

I’d rather give very limited permission (gloss and clear mascara with a bit of eyeshadow for parties ) and teach her how to apply properly.

DD (12) has had make up for a good few years as she’s done some dance shows and she enjoyed “playing” at putting it on. I bought her some more bits recently and encouraged her to practice with it so that, when she’s ready to wear it, she’s pretty good at putting it on!

So far, she really isn’t that interested but has come down to show me a few attempts at eyeshadow. I think she’s gone out in mascara a couple of times but it’s not really noticeable.

I’ve encouraged her because I never learnt to put it on.

My DD is 5 and likes to very occasionally get shimmery eyeshadow and a tiny bit of mascara to copy me. This is at home or twice a year at her club skating competition. I can't imagine that at almost 12 I will be policing it beyond reminding her to remove it properly.

I got free rein to wear makeup and I rarely wear it now, can't be bothered unless it's a special occasion. Letting your DD have some eyeshadow etc won't necessarily be a slippery slope to full on face before she leaves the house every morning.

By 12 I was wearing makeup everyday to school 😱. I do wish my parents had said no as until my late 20s I wasn’t able to leave the house without a full face of make up. I was convinced I looked like Shrek without it on! The makeup was masking a self esteem issue and it was only when I was banned from wearing any at work that I was able to break the dependence on it.

I agree with clear mascara and perhaps a tinted lipgloss or balm (like Maybelline babylips). Perhaps more for special occasions like parties. All the young girls are obsessed with makeup gurus and makeup tutorials etc and it’s starting younger and younger. I’d say you’ve done well to get to almost 12 without her trying the full contoured fake lashes look at least once 😂.

Also agree with skincare. I started a 3 step programme at 10 as I wanted to feel grown up! I was taken to the Body Shop for some skincare at that age.

I also remember seeing a girl at 12 getting a makeover at a Benefit counter. It was really subtle and pretty and her mum made it clear that it was for special only and not for school. Another friend only allows her daughter to use Bare Minerals. Might be worth treating her, based on what you can afford, for her 12th birthday. Then you can set some boundaries whilst also showing you are willing to compromise.

My dd’s (12 and 14) don’t wear make up but that’s because they don’t want too, my 14 year old tells me most of the girls in her year wear it. I think if they did ask I would let them, I don’t wear make up myself so we don’t really have it in the house but I would be happy for them to wear foundation and a bit of coloured lip gloss if they wanted too.