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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband sleeping/Housework routine

115 replies

DBN1 · 02/10/2018 22:03

So my husband has just started a new job and is working a lot less hours than he did before.
Previously he was out the house from 7.30am until around 12am.
I wake early everyday and have gotten used to starting the housework as soon as he left in the morning. That was fine as I need to get the washing on the line as early in the morning as possible so it will be dry by late afternoon (it gets very damp here by then).
I've told him that as he now doesn't leave for work before 11.30am that on wash says I still want him out of the bedroom early enough for me to get the washing hung out so it can dry (the bedroom balcony is used for clothes drying and it wakes him up when I put the washing out). He thinks he should be able to sleep in until he needs to get up.
I don't work, we have no children together, it's just the two of us here.
Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Stupomax · 02/10/2018 22:54

It sounds like you're somewhere like Indonesia.

I'd suggest to your husband that he washes his own uniforms for a while.

NoSquirrels · 02/10/2018 22:54

So he's out of the house 11.30 a.m.- 9 p.m.?

What time does he go to bed? Sounds to me as if you can now just adjust your routine together so that he's getting up about the same time as you are? I really can't see why he needs to stay in bed till 10.45 in the morning unless he's up half the night ... and if he's up half the night that's through choice not necessity.

But his sleep patterns are all out of whack, probably. So I'd cut some slack in the beginning.

Then ultimately I think I'd compromise on leaving him sleep till 9am, then hanging out the washing. He should try to normalise his sleep pattern anyway for his own sake.

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 22:55

I am still confused though (partly as you express a preference for morning washing which suggests it's not an absolute necessity). Can't you just do a weekly wash during his time off? And have enough clothes to get him through the week? Or does he only possess one or two work outfits or uniforms? It all sounds like an incredible hassle on your part and I'm sure there must be an easier way

He has 2 sets of work clothes. Will work 28 days on/4 days off.
If I don't get the washing out before 8am then it will not dry before 6pm when the damp comes and then it needs to stay out (and get darker on)

OP posts:
NordicNobody · 02/10/2018 22:56

Can you get a dehumidifier? I used to live in Iceland which genuinely doesn't have any sun (not to mention having a butt load of snow) for about half the year and our flat got insanely humid. But the only clothes drying option was a clothes horse so our landlord got us a dehumidifier. I know you say you can't afford electric radiators so maybe a dehumidifier is no better, but you could just wack it on for the few hours before your husband wakes up perhaps, then move the laundry to the line?

Out of interest, what is his solution to the problem? It sounds like the only options are a) he gets up or b) the laundry stays wet. Since it's his uniform that seems to require the most frequent washing, what is he suggesting?

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 22:59

you can now just adjust your routine together so that he's getting up about the same time as you are? I really can't see why he needs to stay in bed till 10.45 in the morning unless he's up half the night ... and if he's up half the night that's through choice not necessity

Bingo! It's 1am here now and he's just dragged himself up to bed after falling asleep watching TV on the sofa.
I wake around 6am every day so I don't expect him to get up then but 8am for me to get His work clothes clean isn't a crime, is it?

OP posts:
Seaweed42 · 02/10/2018 23:01

Can you not put the washing out at night before you go to bed? It's going to be wet anyway when you put it out at 8am?

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 23:01

Out of interest, what is his solution to the problem? It sounds like the only options are a) he gets up or b) the laundry stays wet. Since it's his uniform that seems to require the most frequent washing, what is he suggesting The laundry fairies will sort it out while he's asleep Grin

OP posts:
llangennith · 02/10/2018 23:02

Is your life really so empty that laundry is so important?

Finfintytint · 02/10/2018 23:03

No, Op, he needs to get up earlier. He can have plenty of sleep. He's choosing not to.

genivert · 02/10/2018 23:03

i honestly think YABU

there are a multitude of solutions that people have come up with, in terms of timing, gadgets to help like driers and dehumidifiers and the like...

But for me it boils down to: your husband is working long hours, and you aren't working at all. you have no children. i'm fairly sure you can come to some sort of practical solution that enables him to get a slightly longer lie in than "normal office hours" since he's working later than normal hours routinely.

honestly, if i were your husband i'd think you were ungrateful and just looking to find problems.

i'd be really pissed if i were working like your DH and i was supporting us both and my DH made me get up hours earlier than necessary after working late because he "prefers" to get up early or invented impossible-to-solve problems like 2 adults clothing not being dry.

Seaweed42 · 02/10/2018 23:04

It does sound like you just want him to get with your programme and you are inflexible to change. If he only comes home from work at 9pm will he not be absolutely exhausted having to get up at 8am day in and day out?
If he goes to bed soon after coming home, he has no 'evening' to relax. That's no life for anyone, unless his work is very fun and sociable.

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 23:04

Can you not put the washing out at night before you go to bed? It's going to be wet anyway when you put it out at 8am? As he only has 2 sets of uniform I have to wait until he's home at night to put the wash on. The machine takes 2 hours minimum and I'm either in bed by then or not wanting to put a wash on, wait and hang washing out at that time of night.

OP posts:
NordicNobody · 02/10/2018 23:05

The laundry fairies will sort it out while he's asleep

But seriously though... he doesn't want to get woken up, and he doesn't want wet clothes. I'd probably just shrug and tell him to pick one or you'll just keep doing it how you please and if he doesn't like it he can brainstorm the solution!

Yoyooo · 02/10/2018 23:05

Can you not hand wash the uniform so it takes less than 2 hours?

NoSquirrels · 02/10/2018 23:05

Do it at night, let it get darked on, it dries in the early morning sun, you bring it in when you want?

But yeah, tell him to start getting a better sleep pattern sorted. He has the golden opportunity to catch up on TV before he goes to work instead of after, when he might fall asleep on the sofa.

Or let him do his own washing. Either way, the not going in the bedroom till 10.45 is a bit of a pisstake, imo.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2018 23:06

Buy more work clothes?

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 23:06

llangennith

Is your life really so empty that laundry is so important? Is YOUR life really so empty that you have to be so nasty?

OP posts:
Yoyooo · 02/10/2018 23:06

Or just put it on the clothes horse for a few hours in the morning then move it to the balcony as he wakes up?

MrsStrowman · 02/10/2018 23:08

If he gets in at nine and goes to bed at one, that's no different to getting home at six and going to bed at ten, he needs wind down time. He could be up by arrive nine/nine thirty, but it's princely exhausted from withing 24 days on, 4 off! The washing can go out the night before, there's no such thing as being darked on (only on MN) , by the time he is awake it will be dry and you can bring it in.

serbska · 02/10/2018 23:08

As he only has 2 sets of uniform I have to wait until he's home at night to put the wash on. The machine takes 2 hours minimum and I'm either in bed by then or not wanting to put a wash on, wait and hang washing out at that time of night

Can he wear uniform more than one day?

Can he buy additional uniform?

Can he take his uniform out and hang it outside before he goes to bed (since I assume him coming to bed is a bit disturbing for you anyway this won’t add to it).

Have you asked him what his solution is if he needs clean and dry work uniform?

Do you live in a rainforest?

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 23:08

Buy more work clothes? It's a uniform, so not possible.

OP posts:
Thisimmortalcurl · 02/10/2018 23:08

Christ ... you are being unreasonable, I wish a life when my only stress was the time to hanging out washing . Bloody hell.

serbska · 02/10/2018 23:09

You do seem like you’re making this into a really big deal.

Since it’s just his uniform can you hang it out of another window?

Original poster
DBN1 · 02/10/2018 23:09

Or let him do his own washing. Either way, the not going in the bedroom till 10.45 is a bit of a pisstake, imo Ditto

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 02/10/2018 23:10

Does he need a complete new uniform every day .?

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