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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make daughter pay for dinner when out

108 replies

usernamechangeA · 02/10/2018 17:31

Hi my eldest is 19 and we went on a day out on Sunday, we both bought our own theatre tickets and then she bought dinner. I said if she wanted to go for a meal she would need to pay as I can't afford it. Was that unreasonable my friend keeps digging at me that she could never let her teenager pay

OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 02/10/2018 23:31

I think it's completely fine! If she didn't want to pay, or couldn't afford it, she would have said so. She was happy to spend the money so she could spend time with her Mum - honestly, don't give it another thought!

ReanimatedSGB · 02/10/2018 23:31

My 14 year old paid for our train tickets and a meal out at the weekend. It was how he wanted to spend his birthday money. I think it's nice when a child wants to treat a parent.

Noqont · 02/10/2018 23:32

If your daughter is happy with it I don't see why that's not ok. I'm more than happy to treat my mum when I can.

Weathermonger · 02/10/2018 23:37

I assume you have housed, clothed and fed your daughter for 19 years, if she decides to treat you to dinner I think you deserve it. You've obviously raised a kind daughter.

NonaGrey · 02/10/2018 23:47

You don’t go anywhere with your parents Anita? And haven’t ever gone anywhere with them? Sad

My parents don’t expect me to pay but it’s nice to treat them to meals, days out and occasional weekends away. They do a lot for us and we like to show our appreciation.

I wouldn’t expect my children to pay for me, but I think I’ll be quietly quite proud the first time one of them buys us dinner.

JaceLancs · 02/10/2018 23:50

DS 25 and DD 27 have more disposable income than I do
I pay mortgage and all bills they pay me a token contribution
When it comes to holidays or meals out, theatre tickets etc we all pay for ourselves

choli · 02/10/2018 23:52

It's really strange to see so many posters who have never treated their own parents to a meal. It seems horrible cheap to me. Is it a UK think that the parent-child relationship is considered to be a one way street well past adulthood, or just a MN thing?

JaceLancs · 02/10/2018 23:53

Currently on holiday with DD we are paying for ourselves
I paid slightly higher contribution to accommodation because I chose it and can afford it

kateandme · 03/10/2018 00:02

this has really made me think because my parents insist on treating us when we go home or eat out and its lovely.
its the same with grandparents its always them that treat their kids/ my parents and us.

Bluntness100 · 03/10/2018 00:04

I think if you genuinely couldn't afford it and you didnt take the piss on what you ordered, and it was her choice, then it's fine. It's just circumstances and it was nice of her to do it. Just explain that to your friend.

PriscillaSM · 03/10/2018 14:50

When I was 19 I paid for my DM and I to go to London to see an singer she liked. I paid for the hotel, tickets, meal beforehand and breakfast the next day as well as driving her so I do not think you were unreasonable at all.

grace7 · 03/10/2018 16:26

I'm seventeen and I will always treat my mum when I can afford to. Don't see why it's unfair if you told her you don't have the money and she was happy she could afford to.

niugboo · 03/10/2018 17:25

“My daughter treated me to dinner last night, I’m so proud to have raised a child who wants to give back”.

She’s great and you’ve raised a goodie.

FoxInABox · 03/10/2018 17:39

Choli I guess it depends on the circumstances. I have gone out for a meal or a show with my DM a fair few times, but I am fed up now as it is always me who pays- for everything- taxis (even though she lives further out than me), food, drinks etc. I am at the point now where I do avoid going out with her too often as I am so fed up of her never getting me so much as a coffee back. She is better off than I am, although she would never admit this and she has always been extremely tight with money. It is a shame as I would like to do things with her more but it’s hard not to feel used when she never reciprocates or even attempts to pay for herself- it is just expected that I will pay.

OP I think given you told her beforehand and she agreed, then it was completely fine.

Loonoon · 03/10/2018 17:48

It entirely depends on relative disposable income. We are comfortably off so normally pick up the bills when we are out with adult DC, but occasionally one of them will treat us. There is no need for them to to do it, we don’t expect it or suggest it but it makes them proud to be able to do it.

OTH youngest DDs boyfriend is expected to pick up the tab for his mum and her BF. It first started when he was working and living with his dad rent free while his mum was single and skint but it has become a habit now, even though she is now working and her son is paying rent and trying to save for a mortgage. Their sense of entitlement is causing a lot of resentment.

perfectstorm · 03/10/2018 18:11

If she's working, and living at home and not paying board and rent, then I think treating you to the odd meal is appropriate, really. And it's lovely that you are close enough to have evenings out together, too.

Givemeroomamonmebroom · 03/10/2018 18:21

What a lovely Daughter you have, I used to pay for my Mum all the time and my Dd pays for me. It’s called being a Family.

pollymere · 03/10/2018 18:29

I took my mum out for lunch with my first paypacket at about 13! I was so excited to treat her. By that age, my parents would've treated me, but certainly I would've paid for them on occasion too. She sounds lovely!

LolaPickle · 03/10/2018 18:41

as the parent, I would pay. But we would be going for a burger for a quid off the mcdonalds specials hahah

manicmij · 03/10/2018 22:13

Given you basically feed, clothe and house DD YANBU especially having explained beforehand you couldnt afford to eat out.

cheval · 03/10/2018 22:26

Bet it made her happy to treat you for once. Your friend should butt out. Remember taking my dad for a birthday meal and I picked up bill at fancy restaurant. I nearly fainted. But glad that I did it.

DeadDoorpost · 04/10/2018 02:14

I have to trick my parents into letting me pay for things for them. I'm 24. I do the same for my nan although I often tell her in advance that I'll pay for xyz. My parents always feel like they need to treat me because I'm their child and I need to be looked after and "honestly we're fine we don't need help". Yes they do. They've been telling me for ages how tight they are. Let me treat them 😂😂

NotBeforeCoffee · 04/10/2018 10:07

£50 is a lot for dinner. If she’s got spare money at 19 she should be putting it into an isa to save for a deposit for a place to live. It’s so tough for young people to get on the ladder now, you need to start saving as soon as you’re earning

ShatnersBassoon · 04/10/2018 10:17

Your shout next time...?

My mum won't let me pay for anything. We end up like Mrs Doyle and Mrs Dineen in the café, with us practically wrestling each other to the ground to get the bill. I sometimes win now she's getting a bit frail.

Fowles94 · 04/10/2018 10:23

YANBU it was the same with my mum. I had more money sometimes due to only paying a small amount of rent. I used to love treating my mum. You deserve a nice treat 😊

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