To make daughter pay for dinner when out

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Hi my eldest is 19 and we went on a day out on Sunday, we both bought our own theatre tickets and then she bought dinner. I said if she wanted to go for a meal she would need to pay as I can't afford it. Was that unreasonable my friend keeps digging at me that she could never let her teenager pay

I'll pay for my Mum anytime no problem. It's a partnership in a way it's whoever has money.
I'm sure if you have you'll pay next time. I adore my mother and I'll give her my last penny and she lets me spoil her.
Why not?

I love treating my mum to meals out, have done since I was a teenager. I can’t belive PP is 31 and hasn’t thought to treat her parents!

I can't see how this could ever be a problem. Have I missed something?

What could possibly be wrong with a 19-year-old buying her mum dinner on a nice night out?

Would you have insisted on both going home after the theatre even if your DD wanted a meal out or leaving her to have a meal out on her own sailing?

Good question.

Sorry but it's a sad day if your 19 year old child has more money than you.

I'd have just done the theatre and left the meal.

I often treat my mum to dinner out (and holidays, and various other things). I can afford it, she cant. I enjoy doing things with her, so I pay. I don’t see the problem!

What's sad is a parent willing to cut short a lovely time with their child because of some silly formality.

How miserable.

If you can't afford it then it's fair enough. I always pay for my son and his girlfriend when we're out. They're 22 and 21. Her parents do the same.

My dad always pays for us when out, so do PIL. My mum can’t afford it so we pay. Seems simple enough to me!

@jarhead123 My 19 year old regularly has more disposable income than me. She pays no rent, no bills, no groceries... I guess there are a lot of sad days around here!

It's good she appreciates the support she has from her parents while she is studying. It's probably around the amount her parents pay for her food weekly. She sounds like a lovely thoughtful daughter.

I would do the same as you. She is your child not a stranger.

Surprised at some of the responses. I started occasionally paying for dinner around age 16. I also bought theatre tickets. It’s a nice thing to do and shows gratitude for all the money spent on bills and everything else over the years.

And to the pp that said it’s a sad day when a child has more money - how ridiculous. Of course they should have; they keep the vast majority of money they make while the parent(s) pays almost everything!

Well done you op for raising a considerate and kind daughter

You didn't make your DD pay for diner when out....she wanted to go out to dinner, you couldn't afford to, so she paid for you both, so she could dine out with you. The other option was neither of you eating out. Your DDs choice was to pay for both of you.

Everyone's financial situation is different. Why can't some people grasp that?

It may well be that some people have always been treated by their parents, until they are well into middle age, because their parents have plenty of cash....well lucky them (or perhaps slightly selfish them if they have never ever, in all that time managed to treat their parents, even if their parents are absolutely loaded) but surely everyone can see that not all parents have lots of cash, and as with everything, you can only have what you can afford.

Here Op was very honest about the money situation and DD was given a choice, and she chose to go for the meal and to pay. There was absolutely nothing wrong in that and nothing for DD to be ashamed of or to have to apologise for. There is nothing to say all children regardless of their parents financial means are entitled to any form of gift or treats at any age, and certainly not as adults. Lots of families are very hard up and don't get lots of the things other families might have or consider the absolute norm or even entitlement. So lots of families can't pay for school trips or for holidays or for social outings or for new clothes or all kinds of things....its the reality. If, as those kids get a bit older and financially solvent, they choose to pay for something for their parents, then that is totally their choice and nothing to be ashamed of.

Op, be proud of your DD. She has the maturity to see that a meal out with Mum would be a nice evening, that couldn't happen unless she paid and she willingly paid. She preferred to do that than for you both tho miss out on the nice experience. Good for her, just receive it graciously and if your friend comments again, tell her how proud you are of your DD and that families help each other out....you support your DD and she supports you...its all part of being a family and everyone just does what is needed...there really isn't anything to say that parents must always pay for everything at any point, and actually it's selfish if adult children to constantly let their parents pay,me dan if they are wealthy...whatever happened to treating others and finding the pleasure at can give. Perhaps some of those rich parents would thoroughly enjoy it or benefit from learning to receive graciously as well as to give.

My DS has been spending his own money on gifts or treats for us since he was at primary school. He loves being able to do it and it also means he's learning the value of money. I don't understand why a parent would refuse a gift or a treat. I also think it's important to show your DCs how to gratefully and graciously accept gifts

She probably felt pleased to be able to treat you. YANBU.

I don’t see it as a problem at all. You explained, your daughter thought that it would make a more enjoyable evening to eat out and was happy to pay for you too. My daughter would be the same and I don’t think it hurts them to realise the cost and also and mainly that she will feel happy to treat you and that it will please her that she can afford to do this occasionally to make a memorable evening for you both. Put a little aside when you can and you will be able to go again with you paying next time.

When I lived at home I paid for lots for my parents, they refused to charge me board so I tried to contribute in other ways.

YABU. "If you want to go for a meal, you will have to pay" is really rude. If you can afford theater tickets, surely you can find a compromise and go to wetherspoon's or something. If you can't then just say no meal.

Obviously if she offers, then it is fine to accept but you shouldn't ask her to pay.

No I wouldn't ever expect my kids to pay for themselves or me I'm their mum I chose to bring them into this world I don't need my kids to buy or give me money that's bizarre. It's nice to be treated but it's a strange one to me to expect that of your kids

No I wouldn't ever expect my kids to pay for themselves or me

Not ever Anita? Do you never treat your own parents? Pick up the bill for coffee or dinner?

When I was your daughters age I used to pay for my mum to come to concerts with me as she couldn't afford it but I wanted her to come.

Not everyone has disposable income - except youngsters who still live at home so have no real bills except maybe mobile phone so most of not all of their money is disposable.

You were clear that you couldn't afford to eat out and I'm sure your dd knew you could eat at home. If she wanted to make a treat out of the trip and was happy to treat her Mum who no doubt does a lot for her then what is the problem?

nonagrey if they wanted me to then I would but I don't go anywhere with them at all. But I wouldn't just expect my kids to

I think it's nice when the family member with more disposable income pays.

Whilst many people would expect that to be the parent, sometimes it's the child.

The only unreasonable person here is your friend, judging you.