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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Obesity vs addiction

124 replies

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 12:12

Not a taat but I noticed elsewhere here that mners seem to defend obesity but condemn other addictions I.e. alcoholism. Yes, over eating is an addiction. Yes, there can be medical issues behind said obesity but also some can use that as excuse.

I'm just curious as to why some people think obesity is 'ok' and 'Not their fault' yet have such venom for other addictions. Not being goady, I just feel ostracised sometimes for something that at it's roots is the same genuine illness.

OP posts:

goingonabearhunt1 · 02/10/2018 16:26

Pp saying that over eating doesn't affect others....I'm not sure that's true either: people pass their eating habits onto their children (for better or worse) and a parents relationship with food can have a lifelong impact (whether that be emotional eating, restricting or whatever). And the health of the nation as a whole is affected by people being less mobile and less healthy so I don't think it's true that there's no effect on others from overeating/over consumption of junk food. Not saying it's people's fault before anyone jumps on me; obv there's all kinds of reasons behind people's eating behaviours.

SallySangFroid · 02/10/2018 19:50

You’re right that if we’re going to get pedantic, there are effects on the public at large from people being too fat. Cost to the NHS etc and the normalisation of being an unhealthy weight. I also think there’s a link between obesity and depression..? Or am I imagining that?

But, it just isn’t the same as the immediate effects a drunk person has on the people around them. A lot of them are scary. And if you’re frequently very drunk, you will be scaring people. Fat people aren’t scary after one too many mars bars, but many drunks are. Not all, but enough of them that it’s a worry when you meet someone who has had too much to drink. Not even that they’ll be violent, but they might just do something stupid and clumsy. I remember a big man falling on top of me on the train home one night. He didn’t injure me and he wasn’t being violent, but the fact he had lost control meant that he was a danger to himself and those around him. That just isn’t true for someone who eats too much.

Yourenotericlove · 02/10/2018 20:07

I know what OP was getting at.

On a recent thread about Tess Holliday you had posters saying 'i'm fat because of x y and z and hate it and the views on here make me feel even more shit about myself being overweight and that makes me want to eat more so well done' kind of posts with lots of sympathy expressed to those posters.

An alcoholic posting that would be told it was just an excuse to drink, they manipulate people, you can't blame your alcoholism on other people or what happened to you in the past, it's your choice to drink etc etc.

Alcoholism/drugs always provoke more negative than supportive views on MN. I don't know why. They're not seen as the mental illnesses that they are.

Eating disorders (anywhere on the spectrum) always elicit more understanding and empathy.

SallySangFroid · 02/10/2018 21:36

That’s really interesting as I’ve not found this^^ to be true at all.

I think there is (rightly so) support for alcoholics on here who want to stop drinking and a lot of fat bashing / shaming too. Maybe we shouldn’t even be having this “why don’t we judge x or y as much as z?” conversation at all and just say that people should stop being so judgey altogether. Being a judgey wanker isn’t going to help anyone.

I think people are more supportive towards alcoholics on here than they might be irl though. I think, from personal experience, alcoholics can be infuriating to be around in a way that fat people just aren’t. It’s not right to feel that way because it’s not their fault and it is an illness, but my God it’s difficult to deal with if you have to spend a lot of time with an alcoholic. And they’re so drunk they don’t even know how difficult they’ve been or what they’ve said or done when they sober up.

Anyway, it’s just a horrible thing and alcoholics really do deserve sympathy and pity. Alcoholism is much, much worse than being overweight imo and you wouldn’t always know someone has a problem with alcohol just by looking at them, so it’s more hidden. It’s obvious when someone is very overweight, so maybe it doesn’t need to be said. Whereas if you say to a friend “oh I drank another bottle of vodka on my own in my bedroom last night” and you look completely healthy, they might be a bit .

StormTreader · 03/10/2018 10:41

"An alcoholic posting that would be told it was just an excuse to drink, they manipulate people, you can't blame your alcoholism on other people or what happened to you in the past, it's your choice to drink etc etc."

It seems odd to me that you post that because that is EXACTLY what a lot of posts look like when people are talking about obesity "its just an excuse to eat crap, I'd LOVE to eat burgers all day but I have some self control and self respect, no-one made you fat you did that to yourself, no-one made you eat that cake, just do some exercise and stop being lazy."

Most people realise that just because they can stop after 2 drinks it doesn't mean its that easy for an alcoholic, and yet somehow that allowance is totally absent when it comes to weight - if they can be thin then it must only be laziness that not everyone is thin.

I can see that you feel very judged over your alcohol issues but it really isnt any easier for us.

SallySangFroid · 03/10/2018 10:45

Totally agree Storm. I see what you’re describing a lot, where most people accept that alcoholism is nobody’s fault, just ahideous affliction.

SallySangFroid · 03/10/2018 10:52

*whereas
*a hideous

Yourenotericlove · 03/10/2018 11:25

Err...I don't have alcohol or weight issues. I was giving my opinion based on things I've seen on MN over 10 years.

StormTreader · 03/10/2018 11:27

That last line should have been "I can see that you feel very judged over your alcohol issues OP..."

SallySangFroid · 03/10/2018 11:27

I think she was referring to the op, not you.

SallySangFroid · 03/10/2018 11:27

X post!

Yourenotericlove · 03/10/2018 11:29

Oh, okay

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 04/10/2018 07:00

I get it storm. But I do still feel ostracised by mn in a different way to obesity. Like it or not, if you over eat it's no different to 'Over drinking'. At least I own it. I have a problem. There seems to be a lot of 'blaming everyone else' on here

OP posts:

StormTreader · 04/10/2018 10:01

"At least I own it."

Do you, though? Pointing a lot at other people and saying "well they have problems too!" doesn't feel hugely like owning it, it looks more like trying to divert attention onto them so you don't feel as bad.

If youre at the point of shaking hands, sleeping 2-3 hours a night, and taking a bottle of vodka to bed then it really makes me angry for you that your doctors are just "waving you away". There is help for you and it makes me angry that you're not being given it when you ask - asking is no small thing to do.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 04/10/2018 10:18

I've been to my drs half a dozen times. I haven't been given help. Trust me that makes me angry too

OP posts:

SallySangFroid · 04/10/2018 11:14

for to too op.

Also agree with exactly what storm just said.

I don’t think saying “they’re as bad as me” is owning it at all.

SallySangFroid · 04/10/2018 11:14

for you too op I mean!

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 04/10/2018 14:28

I just think sometimes there is more help for other people, maybe purely because I struggle to get help for myself? It's not hating on anyone

OP posts:

StormTreader · 04/10/2018 14:34

Do you have anyone you trust enough to tell them how bad things are who can go with you to your appointment?
Sometimes having someone else there who can say "no, she cant be sent away, she needs help NOW" makes a world of difference. I've been that person for friends before and sometimes just knowing you have backup with you is enough, I've never actually had to speak up (yet).

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 04/10/2018 14:38

Not really storm. Things have got really bad lately and I've lost all my family and friends. Well. They've ditched me but that's neither here nor there hey

OP posts:

StormTreader · 04/10/2018 14:53

I'm sorry to hear that sparkl :(

Would it be worth printing out the sections of your posts on this thread where you've described whats really happening with your drinking and maybe take that with you so the doctor can read it? Did you tell them last time about the shaking and the taking a bottle of vodka to bed, or was it more of a "I'm a little worried about how much I'm drinking, but then I have been really stressed lately"? Its easy to minimise these things when you feel under scrutiny because its not a nice thing to have to admit out loud.
If you really did give them all the details that you've given here then I'm even more shocked and would suggest changing doctors even - they are BADLY failing you.

SallySangFroid · 04/10/2018 15:06

Please give AA a go op. We all found it so good for my mum. And if you go and don’t think it will work for you right now then you don’t have to go again.

I can’t believe how shit your GP has been, not to mention your (frankly horrible sounding) mum .

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 04/10/2018 15:08

Yep I've tried a number of gps literally begging for help and got nothing. Maybe I should change practices

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 04/10/2018 15:30

Most people realise that just because they can stop after 2 drinks it doesn't mean its that easy for an alcoholic

I recognise this. My reasons were I didn't want to go back home (to my mum's) so would stay for 'one more'. I also knew thought that if I stayed too long I would a) be barred and b) I could just buy booze on the way home anyway.

OP posts:

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