Obesity vs addiction

[Sparklfairy]

Not a taat but I noticed elsewhere here that mners seem to defend obesity but condemn other addictions I.e. alcoholism. Yes, over eating is an addiction. Yes, there can be medical issues behind said obesity but also some can use that as excuse.

I'm just curious as to why some people think obesity is 'ok' and 'Not their fault' yet have such venom for other addictions. Not being goady, I just feel ostracised sometimes for something that at it's roots is the same genuine illness.

The other thing about alcohol vs overeating is, I know when my mum stopped drinking she would eat a lot more; she barely ate when she was drinking and was malnourished (according to doctors, not just a bit skinny). I think some women like my mum who had a very odd relationship with food, think “as long as I’m not fat” but will happily drink instead. I don’t know how usual this is and I am not accusing you of that op, but I wonder if their is some relationship between eating / avoiding eating to be thinner and alcoholism for some people, maybe women especially.

I know. This post wasn't supposed to be about me but this is why I love mn

RayRayBidet do I want to stop... hmm. I'm just in such a horrible place that I want life to stop. When I run my business well, I run it really well. Long hours, bringing in the money and I love it. But my mum has kicked my self esteem so low right now that I just want to do the bare minimum. Like if I'm not worthy of her then who am I worthy of. Sounds pathetic. But I was in the hospital after a 'stress seizure (whatever that is) a couple of weeks ago and she didn't even acknowledge the text. Just carried on the rest of the conversation. But all I want to do is sleep and not wake up. I'm disappointed to wake up. So no. I don't want to stop because it might help that along.

Probably been suggested to you a hundred times op, but we all found AA really helpful with my mum. You need some more help with this. I’m so sorry .

Oh do you have the cleaning business? There was a whole to do about your mother having your bank card, she had covered for you on some jobs when you were drunk?

Ugh aa. I've really struggled with the concept because what if I see people I know or people see me? Again it sounds like a concept but I've been to one meeting but also been on the bus with one acquaintance that I knew she was going to one. The shame I suppose this is the point of the thread. You see a woman go to weight watchers and praise her. You see a woman go to aa and pity her

I'm in my 50s now and I've had to watch what I eat my whole life.
I turn down offers of cakes, biscuits and sweets, but then I see other people eating them while complaining they are overweight.
I want to eat all that stuff too, but I know I can't.
I only know a tiny number of people who can genuinely eat what they like. The rest of us have to watch our intake every day.
So it's a daily fight for most of us, not just those who are overweight.

Yeah nice catch Geraldine170

She's done worse since if you'd like to wait for the novel to come out?

@ElectricMonkey
I did say on an earlier post that there were "naturally slim people" and there were slim people who are that way because they have to spend a great deal of their time working at it and can equally have an unhealthy relationship with food.
I didn't mean to offend.
I have been fat and thin so I do know.

Sparklfairy- I went to AA for Food addiction- and the FA group- just AA but they talk about food.

I wouldn’t pity you. I’d feel quite happy for you. Anything that helps someone toward sobriety

And to clarify Geraldine170 I was drunk because I set up the business with 2k of my own money and then 'd'm would just take double pay instead of giving me my cut so I was working for nothing. She was also living off my credit card and not paying for it. No wonder I drink right?

@Sparklfairy
I didn't mean to pry, I just wondered if you dealt with what is making you drink then you might find a reason to stop. I'm sure it's not that easy. Can you go NC with your mum?

Again, I am being blunt here, but alcohol is a depressant. That means it lowers the mood of people who are otherwise well, and it is actually known to counteract the effects of prescription anti-depressants.

So what do you think it does, long-term to people who are already feeling low on account of personal stuff?

Please read this, please. www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-and-mental-health/

We found AA fab and there is no shame at all. She knew a startling number of people there already! It’s more common than you think.

My mum got a lot of peace from the meetings in the few weeks before she died. She also became a bit religious, which was a massive shock for us! She was a very irreverent confirmed atheist beforehand. My equally irreverent, equally atheist dad even said it did her more good emotionally speaking than anything else. It’s not for everyone but it did work for her.

Not wanting to be dismissive at all, but alcohol is a depressant op, so if you’re frequently drinking a lot it will negatively effect your mood. I know you have other MH issues too as a lot of alcoholics seem to ime. My mum used to say she didn’t care if she lived or died, but she did a complete u turn before she actually did. I don’t know what made the difference, but she suddenly was her old self for a few weeks. I hope it’s the same for you .

Well I think it’s a good thing because you were developing a dangerous co-dependence on your Mum who used your drinking to manipulate you.

You could do an alcohol detox at home and continuing working you know? They’ll give you diazepam and things to get you over the worst of the anxiety and AA would help you too.

X post jamie.

Two people saying it is better than one, Sally! Alcohol-assisted depressive spirals are a terrible thing for anyone to be caught in, and it doesn't seem to be generally known at all that it happens.

"You see a woman go to weight watchers and praise her. You see a woman go to aa and pity her "

I praise both of them. It takes a lot of guts to own up to needing help and then to seek out and take it. I would never pity anyone for taking steps to try and take control of their own life.

Addictions THRIVE in the dark on shame and secrecy, once you realise you are doing all of that to yourself far more than anyone else is doing it to you, suddenly you're much more free to choose to throw open a window.

Obesity isn't an addiction, you can't be addicted to food..at most you can get cravings due to the sugar and additives in the foods that make you obese.

If you are obese, there is a reason for it beyond the just eating too much , eating poorly and not exercising.

More often than not there is a mental health reason behind it, such as a trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, self esteem.

What this means is that slimming clubs and diets don't work, because it's all about the food and exercise. They are not concerned with the ' why'. They think it's laziness or ignorance.

When I went to a counsellor and discussed my inability to lose weight despite all the negativity ,and complications it caused me and family, she talked about desire and self esteem, and how I felt when I had the food I knew was contributing to my obesity. For me it was power. The only thing I felt I had control and power over. I want this so I can have it. The ultimate goal is to replace the feeling you get from food with something healthier.

The OP asks why it isn't vilified and why people are OK with obesity..well I don't think they are. I think anyone that states that they are happy being fat is not being honest with themselves. There cannot be one obese person that would rather be a healthy weight.

You cannot compare obesity with an addiction like Alcohol, gambling or drugs. It's a serious issue, but a different one.

Sorry, should have read ' Wouldn't be a healthy weight'.

Itsnotabingthingisit that post could be wrtitten with the words food and alcohol replaced and be mine!

I don’t agree with your sentiments at all, I think it’s quite the opposite actually.

I’d imagine though the people who do defend it, do so on the grounds that it’s quite hard to give up eating, you know? It’s not like alcohol or cigarettes, even if you beat the ‘addiction’, you’re still going to have to face your demons three times a day.

I do agree to some extent. I'm both - obese and dependant on drugs - and the latter is definitely more of a shameful thing. While obesity isn't 'ok' in society, it is definitely the norm and is accepted. Most of the country are overweight, we see it all the time, it's become our normal. So while people might not agree with people being obese, it is largely accepted.

Addiction isnt seen that way. It's more shameful, more shocking, more hidden.

Btw I disagree with the view that obese people can be good parents, partners, work mates and friends, can be functioning members of society, but that addicts can't.

It's like everything,there's good and bad everywhere. Not all addicts are falling over pissed in town or wetting themselves in public or being violent.

I've never been violent, I've never wet myself in adulthood, I do my job well and keep up my commitments, I'm a good friend etc. It's not a case of 'addicts can't function and are basically unable to be normal nice human beings, so that's why there's a stigma against them.' Not defending addictuon, just saying that being a nice and responsible person isn't exclusive of addicts

OP I am not surprised that being in a horrific car accident would leave you with anxiety issues. How far have you been down the track of CBT etc. to try and deal with that traumatic blow to your psychology?

for you.

I do hope not wetting yourself in public isn't the measure of a 'good' person, because I lost that badge since giving birth....

Madein1995 It depends on what the addiction is, frankly. How severe the addiction is, the effects of the subtance/activity itself and whether the addict is in a position to satisfy their addiction easily

Tobacco, for example. Addictive substance. Damages your health physically, but crucially, even your most hardened 40-a-day smoker doesn't end up in nicotine-fuelled brawls. Smokers are still themselves after a fag.

On the other hand, I can personally attest that even non-violent people on cocaine are bloody irritating to listen to when you're sober.