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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Obesity vs addiction

124 replies

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 12:12

Not a taat but I noticed elsewhere here that mners seem to defend obesity but condemn other addictions I.e. alcoholism. Yes, over eating is an addiction. Yes, there can be medical issues behind said obesity but also some can use that as excuse.

I'm just curious as to why some people think obesity is 'ok' and 'Not their fault' yet have such venom for other addictions. Not being goady, I just feel ostracised sometimes for something that at it's roots is the same genuine illness.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 13:34

So the consequences of an addiction or lack thereof make it ok by society's standards JamieVardysHavingAParty. Now I'm clear. But the process is still the same. Locking yourself in a room with a bottle of vodka or a shit ton of food - it's still an addiction. Just one is more acceptable than the other.

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FlamingJuno · 01/10/2018 13:34

Not all obese people have an eating disorder. Some do, but some are fat because they eat too much. Not everyone who drinks too much is an alcoholic. Not everyone who eats too little is anorexic. Not everyone who is fat wants to be thin, not everyone who drinks too much wants to be sober.
These are very complex issues and there isn't a single answer for all of the variations along the scale.

I think the problem comes when people convince themselves that they have an addiction when really they just lack willpower. There's also something about how people cope with physical discomfort. My BiL for example eats too much and doesn't exercise - or didn't until he was told he has a fatty liver and a heart problem. He has now taken up running, having failed to make headway at the gym. All he does is moan about how hard it is, how painful, how hot and sweaty he gets, how much harder it is for him than all these other people who actually enjoy exercise.

I've tried to explain that everyone feels uncomfortable, hot and sweaty, gets stiff and sore after exercise but we just don't go on about it. He thinks his body is somehow different and all the discomfort is a signal that he shouldn't exercise as its not actually good for him. He's not prepared to take short term pain for long term gain. He wants to be comfortable at all times.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 13:37

sleepwhenidie my drinking anyway, is a form of self harm. I know it hurts me, I know I don't like drinking it, I know any self medicating effects are temporary, and I also know if it's a particularly bad binge, that I am gonna feel like death afterwards. Yet I still do it.

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JamieVardysHavingAParty · 01/10/2018 13:39

Sparklfairy So the consequences of an addiction or lack thereof make it ok by society's standards

That's about the size of it. If you think about it, when did smoking really become socially unacceptable? When studies showed the effects of passive smoking on other people.

Racecardriver · 01/10/2018 13:40

Well it's not always a case of food addiction though is it?

FissionChips · 01/10/2018 13:42

It’s because some people are fat due to medication and disabilities. No alcoholic or gambler is that way because of medication are they?

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 13:43

JamieVardysHavingAParty I have never been in a fight, stolen money, ended up on the street or otherwise stereotypically destroyed my life as a result of alcohol. I can function day to day but I still get tarred with the same brushes as alcoholics that make bad choices. How is that fair?

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sleepwhenidie · 01/10/2018 13:44

sparklefairy so you can maybe appreciate the way a binge eater feels then. With regard to sympathy though, I still don’t think there is very much for binge eating disorder, you as an alcoholic do not walk around wearing the obvious effects of your addiction for example, whereas many (not all) people with BED do, which provokes disgust and contempt from many around them.

So I just don’t think your comparison is fair or justified...sufferers of alcoholism and BED both find condemnation/sympathy, it depends where you are looking.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 13:44

FissionChips not sure about gamblers but a huge majority of alcoholics are that way because of abuse/anxiety/depression arc that they're running away from.

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Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 13:45

Fair point sleepwhenidie

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FissionChips · 01/10/2018 13:47

not sure about gamblers but a huge majority of alcoholics are that way because of abuse/anxiety/depression arc that they're running away from

Yes, I understand that. They don’t have medication that makes their bodies bloat, make their joints painful, slows metabolism though do they?

sleepwhenidie · 01/10/2018 13:51

Re running away from abuse, anxiety, depression the same is definitely true of many binge eaters and anorexics Sparkling

ShowerOfShite · 01/10/2018 13:53

hungryhippo
I definitely crave sugar and eat too much of it.
I've tried many times to cut it out but never last long. I eat exactly the way I used to drink, but haven't got to that tipping point that I did with alcohol.

Travis1 · 01/10/2018 14:04

@jamieVardys that is a really interesting point and actually really resonates with me. I've only got myself sorted after being low to NC with my mother who is to all intents and purposes an alcoholic. She just isn't the typical alcoholic in that she has held down her job(counter staff in chip shop working lunchtime shift) and my DH is very much struggling with food addiction and whilst his father has been sober now for about 20 years his alcoholism had a huge impact on DH childhood.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 14:05

I'm really not trying to be goady here. I have many friends who are unhappy with their weight and I treat them as a person, not defined by their eating habits. I just wish they could do the same for me.

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Travis1 · 01/10/2018 14:11

@sleepwhenidie that's also a very pertinent point re self harm and enjoyment. I remember arguing with DH not so long ago, walking out the house, driving to Tesco and then McDonalds. Took myself to the side of the lochs and literally ate until I couldn't put anymore in. I wasn't enjoying it. I felt like shit, looked like shit and was hurting noone but myself. I've only 'sorted' myself by changing my whole asttitude to food and not demonising anything.

Also I don't know about anywhere else but I cannot get through a day without seeing at least one billboard with 'obst' on it and a message below about it being one of the top causes of cancer. It's also on the radio everyday at least 3 times. I never see anything like that for alcoholism? Obesity is very much demonised in our society and mocked. I went to an aquafit class and they only close off half the pool. The whole class 3 wee boys were in the other part of the pool taking the piss out of everyone. Should also see some of the looks I get in the gym as a 20st women doing weights.

RayRayBidet · 01/10/2018 14:16

@Sparklfairy
The difference is that you don't get judged by strangers I'm guessing (unless having a bad patch) as in you function in daily life and people wouldn't automatically know.
When you are overweight/obese you stand out. You can't take the fat off and have a break from it.
Not that it's OK for people to treat you that way. I agree people view alcoholics as the stereotype of being a certain way.
Same with drug addiction, not every person with an addiction spends all their time in crack dens getting off their faces.
Personally I think obesity is a mixture of biology and the same issues other addicts are self medicating. Low self esteem, dealing with traumatic pasts etc.
Naturally slim people don't spend much time thinking about food and I believe they aren't that way because of anything in particular that they are doing consciously.
They certainly aren't necessarily "better people" the same way someone who doesn't drink to excess doesn't have to think twice about what they drink, they just stop when they have had enough.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 01/10/2018 14:20

RayRayBidet that's fair. I guess I just wanted to make it clear I was only opening a debate

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recklessruby · 01/10/2018 14:21

All I know is I ve been fat and I ve been dangerously thin and found society actually praised me for the thinness but people used to look disgusted if I dare eat a chocolate bar on my break.
I m normal weight now but still can't help calorie counting and I m invisible to comments.
I have every sympathy for those struggling with weight and food issues.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 01/10/2018 14:22

Travis1 I'm sorry to hear that. If it helps, he is very much not alone. One set of stats I looked at once suggested that 44% of people with similar childhood backgrounds went on to have binge eating problems as adults.

sparklfairy I don't want to make you feel worse about yourself, please let me be clear about that. I just want to explain why people feel differently about different addictions.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 01/10/2018 14:25

*he and you are very much not alone. Words got left out then.

Birdsgottafly · 01/10/2018 14:26

It's because it's the only addiction that you need to stay alive.

So everyday you have to put that substance (food) into your body, but fight against not taking in too much.

That is unique to Obesity. You don't have to do Heroin, alcohol, Cocaine etc to live.

Your colleagues at work aren't going to be shooting up, drinking around you, whilst you try to abstain. You aren't going to go to your hairdresser/children's school etc and get offered Heroin/alcohol etc, as you are cake for Macmillan.

You can't abstain from the thing that you are addicted to. Beside from that, we have such emotional investment in food, that makes us feel good, given to us from Birth.

Saltedcaramelcake · 01/10/2018 14:31

There's no such thing as food addiction, there has been research done on this. At a push you could say it is possible to have an addiction to eating, but not food itself. It just doesn't elicit the exact same physiological response as drugs or alcohol (though there are some similarities with brain activity in response to sugar/fat).

Eating addiction probably has more in common with gambling addiction, it's the behaviour that is addictive and the rewards associated not the food itself.

sleepwhenidie · 01/10/2018 14:31

Travis1 you have done the right thing by not demonising (any) food. It can also help to try to stop seeing a binge as wrong, it is a release and as releases go, there are worse ones you could go for, because many (gambling, drugs, alcohol) have a much bigger long term impact both on you and those around you...for all of these addictions/compulsions, getting to dealing with the underlying reasons why you need the release, and learning better ways of dealing with emotions, is the way forward (not that this is easy!)

I think too, that slim or even very thin people with eating disorders are often treated with more sympathy (occasionally admiration even) than very obese people - it is a cultural problem. But anorexia/BED are two sides of the same coin. You will find that many people who are anorexic move on to BED - they are the 'lucky ones' insofar as they don't starve to death first of course

RayRayBidet · 01/10/2018 14:31

@Sparklfairy
Nothing wrong with that, it's an interesting question and lots of good points have been made.
Wish you well in your situation.

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