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AIBU?

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Original poster

My friend told me I’m getting fat

106 replies

PuddinginPerth · 01/10/2018 06:06

Today I received a text message from my friend whom I live with.

She basically said she is going to put a lock on the appliances because I’m getting fat again. The tone was aggressive and accusatory.

The issue of my weight is very sensitive because I had a gastric sleeve last year and lost 35 kilos. A few months ago I lost my gallbladder so I can’t process fats properly.

I recently got down to 57kgs and I was very sick, my hair was falling out and I was weak all the time.

I’m now 60kgs and a size 8-10 (Australian size). My hair is growing back and I’m the happiest I’ve been for ages. My BMI is also in the healthy category.

I told this to my friend that my clothes are too big and my BMI is healthy and she stated (with exclamation points) that BMI means nothing and that I am overweight.

I know I’m not putting on weight, a lot of my size 10 clothes are too big for me. I wear size 8 shorts (originally the size 8 were too big - but now they fit), and small or extra small tops. Often a small is too big. I have to buy a completely new wardrobe for summer and I am stocking it with size 8 outfits. I have a thigh gap which I didn’t notice until my sister pointed it out. If I lose the thigh gap - I don’t care. I’m in my 30’s. I don’t want to be tiny.

I told her the dress I wore yesterday was too big for me and she responded “it was huge!!” (huge as in the size) - to give context it was a size 10 (from Portmans) it was very loose but I had nothing else to wear.

As a side note, my friend is a lot taller and is a size 10-12. She has put some weight on, but is also very active.

I’ve upped my protein intake and I’m eating small meals (only when I feel like it - if I’m not hungry, I won’t eat - if my digestion plays up I can only eat small amounts of porridge and nothing is absorbed).

Basically, I’m not hungry a great deal of the time, so if I feel like I’m going to pass out, I will eat something. If I haven’t had enough protein in 24 hours, I’ll eat some protein (either chicken or lamb).

People keep telling me I am losing more weight.

Last night our neighbours told me I had lost more weight (in front of my friend).

My hairdresser told me she didn’t recognise me yesterday because I’ve lost so much weight (I’ve been stable for months and seeing her for years, I think I’m just carrying a little different).

My friend said I should be a size 6 - but I’m happy to be a healthy size 8. I’ve lost no weight off my bra size and I don’t see a point in pushing myself and losing my hair again.

I met someone on the weekend and I really like him; I’m concerned that my friends comments will make me insecure in front of him.

Today’s messages have really hurt my feelings as they are aggressive and I feel it is abusive.

My friend said she’s throwing all my food out of the fridge - I have a little bit of lamb left and some fresh coriander. Basically nothing really because I clear it out regularly. I think there are potato wedges and some fruit icy things in the freezer and that is it.

I think she will get satisfaction from throwing those out.

The weird thing is, she bought me chocolate last week and there’s still some left.

I’m thinking that I’m going to have to store food at work (I need to eat), perhaps cook food at my sisters house. My concern is I need to eat small meals regularly. I’m at work right now and now I’m worrying about this!

I can’t afford to move out right now.

My question is, is my friend being unreasonable?

I find this behaviour controlling and abusive.

Also, has anyone else experienced this sort of behaviour from people around them after they have lost weight?

OP posts:
woolduvet · 01/10/2018 06:09

Is she jealous?

FishesThatFly · 01/10/2018 06:10

Find a new place to live

Secretlifeofme · 01/10/2018 06:11

Your friend is not a friend. She is as you say, controlling and abusive. Can you leave?

BillThePony · 01/10/2018 06:11

Wow she has some serious issues.

Do not store your food else where, tell her straight, she will not throw your food away and she will not lock the appliances and she is to never mention your weight again.

crunchtime · 01/10/2018 06:12

she's a fucking nutjob!!!!
How dare she police your food intake????

CountessVonBoobs · 01/10/2018 06:13

Sorry but this is full-on psychotic territory. And from a housemate?

You've written us this whole litany to prove to us that she's wrong, but you don't need to prove anything to anybody. You can gain weight if you damn well please. Her behaviour would be incredibly abusive and toxic in a parent or a romantic partner.

You're not safe in your home and you need to scrape together the money to move ASAP.

coconutpie · 01/10/2018 06:13

Move out. Your "friend" is not a friend.

GertrudeCB · 01/10/2018 06:18

Fucking hell she sounds unhinged Shock. Tell her straight to keep away from your food and never mention your weight again.

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2018 06:18

Of course she is being unreasonable - did you have to ask?? But you also sound a little obsessed with food and types of food and justifying what you do and don't eat and wear.

Northernlass69 · 01/10/2018 06:18

Well obviously this is about what she's got going on and not about you. The healthiest thing would be to move out. If you can't you really need to stand up for yourself. Don't give her any extra info or details, don't defend yourself or have discussions about your weight. Just tell her firmly to back the fuck off and leave your food alone, it is none of her business what you eat or what you wear. Do the head tilt and say, what's really going on, why are you so unhappy with yourself?

EK36 · 01/10/2018 06:25

She's jealous and trying to sabotage you. Get a small fridge for your bedroom.

DroningOn · 01/10/2018 06:27

"Hi XXX,

Thanks for being so concerned but the job of my mother is already taken. I'm perfectly capable of monitoring this stuff myself and making decisions about my diet and weight alone. I'd appreciate it if you respected this and kept thoughts like this to yourself.

Thanks Pudding"

Need to nip this in the bud swiftly

DonnaDarko · 01/10/2018 06:29

She's not a friend, she's a c**t

Cut her out of your life and don't look back.

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/10/2018 06:34

Just ...

What .... .... .... ??

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/10/2018 06:34

I imagine having weight loss surgery might make one a little obsessed with food and their size.

Your friend is being abusive. Do you have any mutual friends who can intervene/support you? Are you living in her place? I wonder why she thinks she can control you.

You need to move out. I’d cut off all contact with this horrible person.

happinessischocolate · 01/10/2018 06:37

Your "friend" is abusive and controlling.

Tell her that if she throws your food out you'll be throwing all of hers out too. If she puts a lock on anything then you will put a lock on too so no one can use the appliances.

Then tell her to fuck off and never mention your weight again.

UserTenMillion · 01/10/2018 06:39

You probably shouldn't live with somebody so weight-focused in your recovery. I'd find a new flat mate.

Thisismadness · 01/10/2018 06:40

She’s being incredibly unreasonable and you know it! It might be jealousy, or she liked you being the ‘fat friend’ but I don’t think that matters, you need to get this abusive person out of your life.

FishesThatFly · 01/10/2018 06:41

If this thread is even real as l can't understand why someone would need to even ask if this was unreasonable...

Tell her that as she is also not a size 6 then you'll be throwing her food out.

schoty77 · 01/10/2018 06:41

Oh my goodness is fat really the WORST thing someone can be? Your friend is a cow. You've said you were ill when loosing too much weight, presumably she knows this. What kind of person would prioritise you being a size 6 over your health!? She's got deep issues!

JingsMahBucket · 01/10/2018 06:45

You’re in an abusive relationship with your roommate. Move out ASAP.

PositiveVibez · 01/10/2018 06:47

She is jealous, controlling and abusive.

You need to move out asap.

AuntBeastie · 01/10/2018 06:49

Your friend is over-invested, abusive and cruel.

You have to prioritise finding a new place to live. Start saving now, and looking around for alternatives.

In the meantime, could you get a mini fridge to keep in your room so your food has nothing to do with your friend (I hate to call her that as she isn’t a friend)? I would totally withdraw from her - be polite but don’t spend any time with her or share any details of your life as she will use them against you.

yoyo1234 · 01/10/2018 06:52

Is there a side we are not seeing. Do you turn to her if you feel upset with what you eat? Is she having to be almost a counselor for you as you have the surgeries and adjust to an enforced change of eating habits ( due to the nature of your gastric surgery). If it is purely her suddenly commenting on your weight when she had not been support previously that is different.

oatmilk4breakfast · 01/10/2018 06:54

Feels like there is a much much bigger issue here than weight loss - this is manipulative controlling behaviour that I would be very worried about. You say you can’t afford to move out but I think you really need to find a way. The chocolate, the message, feeling entitled to throw your stuff away and control your access to things - no. You need to see this for what it is. It’s not caring. It’s controlling. You can’t change that. Hope you get out soon. 💐