My friend told me I’m getting fat

[PuddinginPerth]

Today I received a text message from my friend whom I live with.

She basically said she is going to put a lock on the appliances because I’m getting fat again. The tone was aggressive and accusatory.

The issue of my weight is very sensitive because I had a gastric sleeve last year and lost 35 kilos. A few months ago I lost my gallbladder so I can’t process fats properly.

I recently got down to 57kgs and I was very sick, my hair was falling out and I was weak all the time.

I’m now 60kgs and a size 8-10 (Australian size). My hair is growing back and I’m the happiest I’ve been for ages. My BMI is also in the healthy category.

I told this to my friend that my clothes are too big and my BMI is healthy and she stated (with exclamation points) that BMI means nothing and that I am overweight.

I know I’m not putting on weight, a lot of my size 10 clothes are too big for me. I wear size 8 shorts (originally the size 8 were too big - but now they fit), and small or extra small tops. Often a small is too big. I have to buy a completely new wardrobe for summer and I am stocking it with size 8 outfits. I have a thigh gap which I didn’t notice until my sister pointed it out. If I lose the thigh gap - I don’t care. I’m in my 30’s. I don’t want to be tiny.

I told her the dress I wore yesterday was too big for me and she responded “it was huge!!” (huge as in the size) - to give context it was a size 10 (from Portmans) it was very loose but I had nothing else to wear.

As a side note, my friend is a lot taller and is a size 10-12. She has put some weight on, but is also very active.

I’ve upped my protein intake and I’m eating small meals (only when I feel like it - if I’m not hungry, I won’t eat - if my digestion plays up I can only eat small amounts of porridge and nothing is absorbed).

Basically, I’m not hungry a great deal of the time, so if I feel like I’m going to pass out, I will eat something. If I haven’t had enough protein in 24 hours, I’ll eat some protein (either chicken or lamb).

People keep telling me I am losing more weight.

Last night our neighbours told me I had lost more weight (in front of my friend).

My hairdresser told me she didn’t recognise me yesterday because I’ve lost so much weight (I’ve been stable for months and seeing her for years, I think I’m just carrying a little different).

My friend said I should be a size 6 - but I’m happy to be a healthy size 8. I’ve lost no weight off my bra size and I don’t see a point in pushing myself and losing my hair again.

I met someone on the weekend and I really like him; I’m concerned that my friends comments will make me insecure in front of him.

Today’s messages have really hurt my feelings as they are aggressive and I feel it is abusive.

My friend said she’s throwing all my food out of the fridge - I have a little bit of lamb left and some fresh coriander. Basically nothing really because I clear it out regularly. I think there are potato wedges and some fruit icy things in the freezer and that is it.

I think she will get satisfaction from throwing those out.

The weird thing is, she bought me chocolate last week and there’s still some left.

I’m thinking that I’m going to have to store food at work (I need to eat), perhaps cook food at my sisters house. My concern is I need to eat small meals regularly. I’m at work right now and now I’m worrying about this!

I can’t afford to move out right now.

My question is, is my friend being unreasonable?

I find this behaviour controlling and abusive.

Also, has anyone else experienced this sort of behaviour from people around them after they have lost weight?

Honestly? I'd just leave, she seems determined to starve you and I suspect she wouldn't flinch to be more controlling . Did you used to be bigger than her?

You wouldn't & shouldn't put up with this from a partner & you shouldn't from a friend. Given that she lives with you I'd say she's as dangerous as a controlling partner. I'd leave & cut her off. Hope there's room for you with your sister.

LTB

Does your friend's name start and end with A?

If so it's time you took back control. You know better than she does. She's got a short-term goal in mind and what you look like (and to a lesser degree how strong you appear to be) but doesn't care about your long-term health.

Your post is littered with reference to your size, your him, your food intake. I urge you strongly to seek professional help to unpick why you listen to her and what the current stressors are that I've brought her to you.

I can tell you from personal experience she never goes away but when you are strong, truly strong, your voice becomes louder than hers. You need to get some help. How thin you're already small frame can become should not be a measure of anything about you.

You mention potentially cooking at your sister's house - is there any way you can move in with her in the short term while you work out where you can move to? The only alternative I can see would be a small fridge in your room and a lock on the door. And how does she propose locking the appliances anyway???

Well done on the changes you have made, and good luck with maintaining and improving your health from hereonin.

Not everyone who is 5' nothing has the body build to fit size 6, that depends on stuff like your bony width at shoulders and hips. I remember two friends I had at school who may have been about that height (maybe a bit taller, I am very tall myself and just remember they were little :) ). One was a petite build and one was more stocky, without being the least bit overweight I would have thought the stocky one was at least a third wider than the petite one. That's going to translate to quite a size difference in clothes!

Your him = autocorrect of your bmi.

Time to move! 🏃🏽‍♀️🚚🏡

Move out.

Sounds strange. Sounds munchausensey. I'd really try very hard to get away for your own recovery and health, tell your 'friend' to seek some help or a mental health assessment OP.

She is no friend of yours.

You sound like a perfectly healthy size, especially given what you have gone through recently with your gallbladder.

If she throws away your food, eat hers. If she comments on it, say that yours has been thrown away so you assumed that this meant you were sharing food now.

I would start saving though to try and get away from her as soon as possible!

She isn’t your friend, and it’s ridiculous that she sent you the text as well! Does she not know how to have a conversation with her flatmate? I’d be moving out and would cut all ties to her. Your weight is none of her business.

That sounds super controlling and abusive! I'm sorry but I'm what context does she ever think she has the right to tell someone how to eat? Is she like this in other aspects of your life?

Also congrats on the weight loss! A Aussie size 8/10 is TINY! A lot of people would be delighted to be that small.

You don't actually sound obsessed with your weight, but your friend does. I know you say you can't afford to move right now, but if I were you I'd be tempted to be out as much as I could manage until I could move somewhere else. Your "friend" has a really unhealthy attitude towards you and your eating habits, God knows why. But I'd be running for the hills from this person, she doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart - or has some sort of secret agenda with respect to your weight. Bonkers!

That's awful She's not a friend, she sounds like a bully. If you have the means and the money, maybe think of moving away from her and living somewhere else. I know it's easier said than done though.

Bloody hell OP. A size 8-10 is a lovely size. Please do NOT push yourself down to a size 6. Unless you are naturally on the smaller size that really is tiny and hair falling out is a sure sign that your body is not getting the nutrients etc it needs.

Your friend is an absolute nut job and you need to put serious serious distance between the pair of you. Send her a text saying that you don't want to discuss this with her, you are happy as you are and she has no right telling you you are fat, and if she gets rid of your food without permission you will call the police.

Then save as hard as you can and move out.

Please do not make yourself unhealthy for the sake of this person.

My question is, is my friend being unreasonable?

It concerns me you're asking this question, you know she is. By reasoning with her, explaining to her etc, you're fuelling her fire.

She is no friend to you, as politely or impolitely as you want, tell her to fuck off....and look for a new home.

I think this has been referred to up threat but OP I wonder if your "friend" might be an alter-ego? I have read your post again and am concerned that you might need to go and seek some help. There are some very telling phrases in your post such as your "eating" away from the house to avoid fainting and being controlled to throw food etc. I am just warning other posters to read between the possible lines please.

This woman isno friend of yours she is a jealous, dangerous bitch!

Message get back
"You are not my mother or my gp, keep your opinions to yourself, they are not true and not welcome. Lay a finger on the food in my fridge and you will see just how angry I can get. I suggest you read over your texts and have a chat with yourself, you are a horrible person and save the faux "I'm just your friend" lines, nobody is buying them except you"

Whether your friend is real or the voice inside your head, she’s not your friend so keep telling her to fuck off.

Bloody hell Sadie, I know some people on here like to wear ‘grammar pedant’ as a badge of honour but jeez, pick your moments.

OP, if you’re talking about a real, physical housemate then you need to get this person out of your life. She is not your friend. I know, from doing Weight Watchers while living with friends at uni, that sometimes those close to you see diets as an invitation to get overly involved in your life. But I have never, ever experienced this. This is abuse, plain and simple.

If, as others have suspected, we’re talking about something else here... well then actually the above advice doesn’t change very much. She is still abusive and not someone that you want to have in your life. I think you need to start by talking to someone about her and the awful things she’s saying to you, and get some help to either make her go away or at least learn how to stop listening to her.

“WITH WHOM I LIVE!!!! 😡😡😡

NOT “WHO I LIVE WITH”!!!!”

Really think you’re on a hiding to nothing with this one.

You should tell your friend to piss off

Oh, OP, your "friend" is no friend.

You need to be emphatic that you are happy with your size, shape and with what you eat. She has no right to lock appliances or throw away your food. Do not discuss the size of your clothes, etc with her - it is fuelling a very unhealthy situation.

I echo what others have said about maybe getting some counselling or similar support. Your post suggests that you are very influenced by others' opinions of your weight/size, and there seem to be hints of "I could lose more, but I don't know..." which could create a very unhealthy relationship with food for you. I hear it creeping in in the way you describe your current eating habits.

Look around at work and in your neighbourhood for somewhere else to live. I am sure you could afford it if you went to a similar situation with someone who isn't going to affect you so badly.

You need to leave, or you need to kick her out, whichever one suits you the most. Either way you can NOT have this person in your life anymore.

You know all those slimming success stories where the woman says they lost 25kg but then they lost another 80kgs because they separated from their husband who couldn’t cope with them well, happy and a healthy weight.

This is like that.

This is all abusive.

And a DD cup on a small back is tiny, I'm a 28DD, they are small.