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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed Dh keeps booking days off when I’m off?

95 replies

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 20:47

I’ll try and be brief because it’s boring.

I work Monday- Thursday and he’s a shift worker on a 4 week rotating pattern. Our children are all in school and I’m a childminder so Fridays are quiet and lovely in our house and hardly at any other time. I’m an introvert so really love and need that time.

Anyway, Dh’s 4 Fridays are - day shift, late shift, late shift and rest day. So he’s here for 3 out of the 4 Fridays during school hours. The fourth Friday I relish the time to enjoy the whole house to myself.

But he keeps booking the bloody days off! Bear in mind that sometimes these days fall in the school holidays too, it means I can go a few months without a day to myself. Before anyone asks, he has time when on rest days that no-one is in. Not as long, but more regularly.

Aibu? I do love him of course and we like our Fridays together, going out for breakfast, mooching around town, daytime sex, getting stuff done etc. but I crave time by myself too. Is that selfish? I pulled a face earlier when he told me he’s booked another one off and I can tell it hurt his feelings.

Sorry that really wasn’t brief!

OP posts:

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 30/09/2018 20:51

Time to start making Fridays a bit less fun, OP! Make it a cleaning or shopping day, he’ll soon stop booking them off!

usernamechangeduckling · 30/09/2018 20:52

I’d be just the same, I relish getting the house to myself every so often.
Be honest with him, explain you enjoy his company when it’s just the two of you, but that you like your own space and you get the opportunity to have your own time in the house far less than he does. Does he maybe forget that you like your own time/does he know how much you enjoy it?
I don’t think I’d have been able to avoid making a face either haha!!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 30/09/2018 20:54

Agree make it less fun. Do some paperwork on a Friday. Offer to let him help you with your tax return.

FreshEyre · 30/09/2018 20:56

I'd be the same, I relish those very rare days when I have the house to myself and can just think in peace!

Could you be honest with him but stress that you do enjoy having some time just the two of you and wouldn't want to lose that. You could possibly suggest that if he has a rest day on a Saturday or Sunday that he does something with the DC for a few hours and gives you a bit of time that way.

AfterSchoolWorry · 30/09/2018 20:58

Oh, I totally resonate.

I'm an introvert too and I feel robbed if my dh books time off at the same time as me! I view it as a complete waste of a day off for me.

Maybe keep it secret?

Athena51 · 30/09/2018 20:59

YANBU my ExH used to work at home and I never had any time to myself. It drove me insane and was one of the many, many reasons why he is happily my ExH

TeaForTiger · 30/09/2018 21:00

I'd love a day at home with DH while the kids where at school!

But if you don't want him there, then tell him I guess. Not sure how you do that without hurting his feelings though?

mimibunz · 30/09/2018 21:00

Maybe stop the daytime sex?

MiniDoofa · 30/09/2018 21:02

Definitely not unreasonable, I’m exactly the same!!! Not sure how to resolve without hurting DH feelings- I have the same problem, hoping someone comes along with a genius solution!!

Thatstheendofmytether · 30/09/2018 21:02

OP I'm a childminder too and recently 2 of my kids that come most days were off for whole week at the same time. I only had one other child for 2 days that week and my dp fucked up every one of them by taking 2 days off and then having me running around getting things done to the car and picking thing up for him. I was bloody mad! I hardly ever get a day off and he ruined my time to myself!

Shoxfordian · 30/09/2018 21:03

Be honest with him and say you need some alone time.

Original poster

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 21:05

Ah thank you! I feel vindicated

It’s a bit hard to keep it secret, I’m off every Friday! And I really do like having days with just us, just a balance.

I have told him in the past how much I need the time to myself but he doesn’t really get it. He says he’ll leave me to do whatever I want to do, go out, stay in, sleep, whatever but it’s not really the same.

OP posts:

MiniDoofa · 30/09/2018 21:09

I get it. It’s not the same if he “goes out” but is home (IYSWIM). But I think it’s really hard to understand from their point of view. You do adjust to taking your quiet time in other ways (walks, quiet hobbies etc) but that time home alone is the best!!

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 30/09/2018 21:15

You're married. Just bloody tell him. Sus what you've said here. You want half a day alone in the house; not alone with someone else in another room. And remind him that he gets that on a regular basis and you do not.

If you can't talk about it and sort it out then you shouldn't be married to each other.

user1490607838 · 30/09/2018 21:16

YANBU. As a few posters have said, book days off and keep it to yourself.

Why is it men always want to be off when WE are off?

Women seem to need and want and crave more 'me time' than men. (Probably coz they are more stressed and frazzled and busy than men.) Men seem to take offence if you have the temerity to want time to yourself. They take it as a personal slight.

My DH says 'I thought you would WANT to spend all your spare time with me.' And he looks so sad and hurt. Get a grip man!

Original poster

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 21:19

Did you miss the bit where I said I’ve told him and we’ve talked about it? He just happens not to agree! We’ve been married 16 years, I’m fairly sure our marriage is good thanks! We’ll not divorce because of this, thanks though.

OP posts:

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/09/2018 21:20

Be honest with him and say you need some alone time

This. He knows you're a introvert, you need to recharge and have time alone. Forget about booking secret days off and just explain it to him.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 30/09/2018 21:20

Again. You should be able to explain this to him in a way he understands. It's completely ridiculous if you can't.

This really isn't a difficult problem to solve.

Original poster

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 21:20

User- I would love to book secret days off but because I work at home, he’d notice

OP posts:

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/09/2018 21:21

And I realise you said you talked a while back, OP, but it obviously needs talking about again! What does he 'not agree' with? You needing downtime alone?

Everyoneiswingingit · 30/09/2018 21:23

Could he book a half day as a compromise?

Original poster

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 21:24

His points are :

1, he likes spending time with me

2, he wants to use his annual leave when I’m not working but when he has to share it with mindees (I do get this point)

3, he books strategic days off to make the most of his annual leave like tagging on days to long rest day periods to get a decent chunk off

OP posts:

CaptainCorrigan · 30/09/2018 21:25

YANBU. I used to always love working weekends as my husband didn't so got 2 days off in the week to myself and I did early shifts on the weekend so still had plenty of time together! Now I've had a baby though i've had to get used to not getting time to myself at all. I think some people are happy in the company of others all the time, and some of us like a bit of space. There's nothing wrong with that!

Inertia · 30/09/2018 21:26

As others have said, he’s now reprogrammed into a routine of Friday off = sex and meals out. Of course he doesn’t want to change.

Fridays where you are both off need to be more productive and less fun. Start planning to deep clean the kitchen that day while you’ve no little ones - he can Oven Pride the oven. Or tidy the garage and do the tip run. Make it guttering and drain clearance day. Get the hedges cut, lawns mowed etc with no children to watch. He’ll soon find some urgent work that he cannot possibly miss a day for .

MrsJBaptiste · 30/09/2018 21:26

Sorry, I love random days off with my DH - gym, shopping, lunch, drinks, sex...
Don't see the problem TBH!

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