To be annoyed Dh keeps booking days off when I’m off?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

I’ll try and be brief because it’s boring.

I work Monday- Thursday and he’s a shift worker on a 4 week rotating pattern. Our children are all in school and I’m a childminder so Fridays are quiet and lovely in our house and hardly at any other time. I’m an introvert so really love and need that time.

Anyway, Dh’s 4 Fridays are - day shift, late shift, late shift and rest day. So he’s here for 3 out of the 4 Fridays during school hours. The fourth Friday I relish the time to enjoy the whole house to myself.

But he keeps booking the bloody days off! Bear in mind that sometimes these days fall in the school holidays too, it means I can go a few months without a day to myself. Before anyone asks, he has time when on rest days that no-one is in. Not as long, but more regularly.

Aibu? I do love him of course and we like our Fridays together, going out for breakfast, mooching around town, daytime sex, getting stuff done etc. but I crave time by myself too. Is that selfish? I pulled a face earlier when he told me he’s booked another one off and I can tell it hurt his feelings.

Sorry that really wasn’t brief!

God yes, I cut down to working 4 days having every Wednesday off. It was bliss. After years of child rearing, working full time etc, to have time to myself was heaven. Until DH decided to do the same thing and chose the same day off. I’m back working full time now. (Not his fault, I changed jobs) I miss those days.

Ignore the 'if you can't tell him how you feel, you shouldn't be married' bollocks. Many people don't like to say certain things to their spouse for fear of hurting them. It shows you care about his feelings!

I think gently telling him that you need a bit of 'me time' is the only way though sweetie.

YANBU

My guilty pleasure is having the house to myself.

Good for you @MrsJBaptiste, if you just LOVE being with your hubster 24 fucking 7, but SOME people don't like to be joined at the hip, to their husband, and want and NEED some time to themselves!

Smugly Saying 'I just LURRRRVE spending every waking SECOND with MYYYYY hubby' is not helping the OP.

I would hate that. Wednesdays are my "day off" because my MIL has DS and if my DH kept booking that day off, I would be resentful. I like to clean the house then lay on the couch and watch soaps all day!

Again. You should be able to explain this to him in a way he understands. It's completely ridiculous if you can't

Some people just don't understand as they can't always comprehend other people wanting space. My husband doesn't. He will quite happily spend every minute of every day with me. We've been together 14 years. He knows I like my space but it doesn't stop him from trying to spend all his time with me. Don't think it's really a reason for divorce though

That’s exactly what I like doing buttermilk except crime programmes instead of soaps. It’s glorious!

He says he’ll leave me to do whatever I want to do, go out, stay in, sleep, whatever but it’s not really the same.

It really, really isn't. I've NCed for this as DP knows my usual username

Because I'm in education I'm limited in when I can take my holidays - but I don't get anything like the full holidays and have to spread it out. I worked out the days I was going to take this academic year. DP saw it and immediately logged on remotely to access his holiday calendar at work. After a bit of squinting he turned to me and with a huge smile
said 'I can match you!' I know he means really well and he's so pleased that we can have our holiday time together, but how he didn't end up under the patio I shall never know.

@user1490607838

There is a difference between want and need. She says this is something she needs. Being around people all the time can be very trying for some, and she says that she needs this time to herself. It's not something she'd just quite fancy as a wee treat but doesn't really matter.

So if you can't talk to your husband about something you actually need and have him understand, then that is a problem. This isn't insignificant something that you let go to spare their feelings. She's already making faces when he says it... that sort of thing escalates. She'll end up doing the huffing, sighing and eventually he'll confront her with anger at her reaction or she will simply snap and then they'll have an argument. That can be avoided with proper communication.

YANBU I resent having my daughter (adult) at home if I'm totally honest, it's ok occasionally but I work 8-1 most days and I like my quiet afternoons with my canine baby, when she's on earlies she finishes at 1 and calls me to pick her up just as I arrive at the supermarket (I tend to go most days)

YAB (a tad) U

Yep, making it housework time will probably see him off. However, I would question a relationship with a man who decided that it was up to him whether I ever had any time for myself, and that he could override my wishes like this.

I am absolutely not questioning my relationship! Don’t be so dramatic

YANBU. I used to work 4 days a week with Fridays off and on the occasions DH took a days leave on a Friday or ‘worked from home’ I hated it!

I think it is clear who are introverts and who are extroverts on this thread! 😂

I'm an extrovert who loves time to myself. Yanbu!

Oh I sympathise OP, I retired a short while back and the whole family seem to have arranged my days and its happened by stealth.
Between the grandchildren my adult dc's and my invalid sister I never have a day to myself, last week I turned off my mobile and took the landline off the hook just to have a cup of tea in peace!

This sort of thing was one of many, many reasons I left my ex.

I had one day per fortnight to myself, then his days off changed and I found myself being expected to spend that day with him. He saw it as extra shagging time, I felt smothered. He wanted to be spending that day with me, despite him already claiming any other time we were off together, eg weekends, etc.

It's NOT the same at all if the other person is around, even if they're leaving you alone to do what you want. Their presence alone can alter the dynamic.

Can you tell him that you really appreciate a day off to yourself and feel like you actually need the peace and quiet and can he try and bear that in mind when booking days off.

daytime sex

There's your answer.

Yanbu. Dh has been off sick for nearly 3 months with at least another 3 to go. I’ve had one afternoon to myself in all that time. It’s exhausting. I’m dreaming of a night to myself. Might book into a hotel for a night.

Introverts are self sustaining independent people; extroverts are reliant on input and
reassurance from others in order to function.

Can you find a way to communicate differently? Do you have 'quality time' just the two of you generally? Is that his dominant love language, if so it could hurt his feelings if he mistook your (reasonable!) need for time to yourself as not wanting to spend time with him?

If you're not interested in him, send him my way as I don't work Fridays

OP I 100% get you. On several occasions where I have finished early or taken a half day or worked from home (which buys me 2 hours not commuting) DH often shows up having managed to get away early. I know he thinks it’s romantic and sweet and the intent is, but it drives me crackers. I get so little time actually to myself that I actually don’t want him here every time I manage to claw a couple of hours to myself 🙄 infuriating. I haven’t mentioned it either, though i probably should before I blurt it out in an argument!

I'd find it totally unacceptable if my partner 'didn't agree' when I told him I needed time to myself.