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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed Dh keeps booking days off when I’m off?

95 replies

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 20:47

I’ll try and be brief because it’s boring.

I work Monday- Thursday and he’s a shift worker on a 4 week rotating pattern. Our children are all in school and I’m a childminder so Fridays are quiet and lovely in our house and hardly at any other time. I’m an introvert so really love and need that time.

Anyway, Dh’s 4 Fridays are - day shift, late shift, late shift and rest day. So he’s here for 3 out of the 4 Fridays during school hours. The fourth Friday I relish the time to enjoy the whole house to myself.

But he keeps booking the bloody days off! Bear in mind that sometimes these days fall in the school holidays too, it means I can go a few months without a day to myself. Before anyone asks, he has time when on rest days that no-one is in. Not as long, but more regularly.

Aibu? I do love him of course and we like our Fridays together, going out for breakfast, mooching around town, daytime sex, getting stuff done etc. but I crave time by myself too. Is that selfish? I pulled a face earlier when he told me he’s booked another one off and I can tell it hurt his feelings.

Sorry that really wasn’t brief!

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 30/09/2018 22:15

You need to get the message through op! Time in the house on my own is so precious. I remember years ago before being married I booked a weekend away on my own. Dp rearranged to come - I said ok but it’s a really quiet weekend, I am going to do yoga and go for walks without talking. I was doing yoga on the floor when he turned music on and started dancing next to my head. He’s still alive and we’ve been married a long time but it was touch and go there for a few moments. Now, I had dc2 recently and dp wants me to take a solo weekend trip to Paris as soon as I’m ready. He gets it :)

Saracen · 30/09/2018 22:20

My DP and my older child are both extraverts. They don't "get" why I need to be alone sometimes. However, eventually they learned to respect it and let me have what I need.

By the same token, there are needs which my DP and DC have which I can't relate to. That hasn't stopped me learning to honour their needs. The fact that I don't feel the same way they do means that they have to be more explicit sometimes, because I forget.

Keep telling your partner that you need time alone. Tell him it is really important to you. Repeat it until he gets it. He should be able to accept that.

wentmadinthecountry · 30/09/2018 22:20

I get it! There have been a few holidays (I teach) when my dh has been between contracts so has been home full time. Hated it.

PillowOfSociety · 30/09/2018 22:31

It's the daytime sex!

Get him to take the kids out all day on a weekend once a month. Or for the whole weekend, to his Mum's. How ovely it would be for him to have quality time with them, blah blah, while you do your boring admin

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 30/09/2018 22:33

If a Friday off work means daytime sex, what do you expect him to do but keep on booking them?!

Honestly, that's like feeding a pigeon and then being surprised when it keeps coming back for more.

NicoAndTheNiners · 30/09/2018 22:36

I get exactly how you feel.

I once booked a sneaky weeks annual leave and had t told dh. Was so looking forward to lounging about watching Netflix all week. Woke up Monday morning to found he’d also booked a weeks annual leave without telling me!

I could have cried.

spacewitch99 · 30/09/2018 22:51

I feel your frustration!
My DP chooses to work from home on my day off! And he is making all sorts of important calls and expects me to be quiet! No crappy day time TV unless I go to the bedroom and watch it while he takes over the sitting room...
My greatest joy is that he is starting a new job soon....
..and he can’t work from home while he is going through a period of probation...
Monday’s will soon be all mine again! Yay!
Love him to bits but I need my own space.

Blameanamechange · 30/09/2018 22:56

Surely hes going to run out of annual leave at some point? Maybe you could do grocery shopping on a friday and then hopefully he wouldnt want to go and then you could a coffee out just before you start? Or is that all a bit of a crap idea...?

Blameanamechange · 30/09/2018 22:58

nico sorry but . That' ll teach you both! I would have been gutted though tbh.

Missingstreetlife · 30/09/2018 23:14

Give him £10 to go to the pictures, or a long shopping list

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 30/09/2018 23:32

Oh god I know the feeling. Not my boyfriend but my flatmate. BF and I very much want to sync precious time off but luckily we both have the same need for alone time and respect pleas for "time off".

I was once away on a training course with work & was with people 24/7, room sharing etc. Came back to two days off & Flatmate had the same two days off as me. She'd been underfoot a lot before I went away as well and I literally just wanted a day to myself, especially as she's a sloppy housekeeper and I'm a neat freak who wanted to tidy up. When I came out to see her fat arse on the sofa in her jammies, gleefully announcing a "chill day" I went back to my room and cried! When I finally got a day off alone the next week, I woke up with a stonking headache & spent the day in bed. I was properly on edge for about 3 weeks until I just got a day alone at home. Such bliss!

elessar · 01/10/2018 07:19

Whilst I understand about having time to yourself in the house (and I honestly do - my other half used to work from home and I found it difficult never having the house to myself) - I also think you're being a bit unreasonable mainly because of the second reason he gave for doing it.

As you're a childminder, basically for him booking Monday - Thursday off would not be remotely relaxing for him. So by the nature of what you do it wholly limits which days he can take off (and actually get the benefit of it) to a Friday.

Does he get any time to himself in the house?

I just think in this scenario I'm not sure either of you are being unreasonable to be honest - I don't think your need for peace and quiet trumps his right to take his days off when the house is not full with your mindees.

Satsumaeater · 01/10/2018 07:38

I am quite amazed you can be a childminder and take Fridays off. It illustrates even more clearly than the empty trains do, that "nobody" works Fridays if your parents can cope without you on a Friday.

Anyway presumably he'll run out of leave soon, so he won't be able to book any more Fridays off. Can you say you are worried you'll have no time left over for a holiday or sick days with the kids, so can he please save some holiday?

RedSkyLastNight · 01/10/2018 07:56

Why not carve some "me" time to yourself at another point?
Can DH take the DC out on a Saturday morning, for example.

I'm torn here because I understand you want some time in the house to yourself, but equally most couples don't have that as they are either working or looking after children. I think I get 5 minutes to myself weekday mornings as I'm the last to leave.

Original poster

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/10/2018 09:13

I think elessar has hit the nail on the head! That’s exactly what I think it is too! Thanks for clarifying my thoughts

OP posts:

PrivateDoor · 01/10/2018 09:25

If my dh was a childminder, I would book my days off for days my house wouldn't be full of kids too! Shift work is exhausting, why would you want your rest days to be spent with other people's children? OP your need for peace and quiet does not trump his. I think yabvu, sorry!

Teddy1970 · 01/10/2018 09:29

I totally get what you mean OP, Friday is my day too, I drop the DC off at school, come home and it's lovely and quiet and the house stays tidy all day..bliss!

ReanimatedSGB · 01/10/2018 09:30

What I take issue with is the fact that OP has told this man she needs some time to herself, and he is refusing to listen. Far too many men think they are entitled to attention from women, whatever a woman may be doing or want to do, and this is another example of it: her wishes are just silly woman-nonsense and she needs to put them aside because her male owner wants her to amuse him.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 01/10/2018 09:35

But you say he’s there for three out of the four Fridays during school hours, so he’s getting plenty of mindee free days.

auntyflonono · 01/10/2018 09:59

Book some holidays that use up his annual leave!

Maryann1975 · 01/10/2018 14:28

Op, I feel your pain. I’m a cm too and have fridays off. I hate it when dh is around, I can’t get my jobs done as efficiently, I can’t sit round watching my tv programmes or whatever and I really miss the quiet of my own company.
I am quite amazed you can be a childminder and take Fridays off. It illustrates even more clearly than the empty trains do, that "nobody" works Fridays if your parents can cope without you on a Friday.

I’m self employed, if the terms of my contract include fridays off that’s up to me. If the parents aren’t happy with this, then they choose someone else. If they can cover Fridays another way they use me (some only work 4 days, some use grandparents, some use a different setting for that day).

I think part of your problem is the day time sex that’s no offer if he is about on a Friday. This isn’t an option here, it’s housework and eastenders only!

Skimbleskanks · 01/10/2018 14:44

Mine did this with a whole week of leave once in 2012. I will NEVER forgive him.

BackBoiler · 01/10/2018 14:49

My Thursdays and Fridays are fabulous! Peace and quiet in my own home

Hungryagain · 01/10/2018 17:29

I would love to spend some time with my DH when the kids are all at school, I’m due to have my wisdom teeth out in a few weeks & he can’t even take time off to come with me, my eldest DD is taking me & staying, you are really lucky. We never spend time together EVER!

Original poster

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/10/2018 17:33

Ok but I think people are missing the fact that we spend 3 out of 4 Fridays together already, I don’t see a massive problem on wanting the 4th to myself.

The daytime sex thing is funny! We have teenagers, much harder to have sex with them around than toddlers. I do enjoy it myself it’s not all for him

OP posts:

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