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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how mums cope breastfeeding for so long

81 replies

Gizzygizmo · 30/09/2018 19:46

My little man is 9 months old (10 months on 7th October)
We are now at the biting, scratching, nipping stage... back flips, kicking around Confused
I feel awful but I’m so fed up and feel so ready to wean him.
I’m on some breastfeeding groups and wonder how the hell some make it so far, maybe it’s the sleepless nights and wanting me for comfort making me feel this way.
I am feeling so incredibly guilty.
Guess my unreasonable question would be is it selfish of me to want to wean him to regain some normality, get my body back and maybe have a decent sleep.
No idea how to wean and I’m bored of feelIng sorry for myself lol

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 30/09/2018 19:49

Not selfish at all. I did it for 16 months but up until the last month or so I enjoyed it. The biting stage doesn't last long. They just have to learn to adapt to having teeth.
You have done so well to get this far. If you are ready to stop then stop.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 30/09/2018 19:49

Both mine were sleeping through by 6 months,
Feeding much less frequently,
And it was quite a few years ago - but I remember nipping and I would say "NO" and take them off and they stopped fairly quickly.

So that's how / why I did it

I would say that if it's causing you a lot of grief then stop, I would have.

My point is that lots of the women who continue for ages, are probably the ones who have an easier time of it.

Creeper8 · 30/09/2018 19:51

Ive been bf for over 7+years. I find it easy! (7 years but different children just havent stopped in 7 years)

Cookit · 30/09/2018 19:51

They stop biting after a while. I don’t think my two year old has nipped me for at least 18 months.
Also as they get older you can enforce some boundaries. I hate the little and often snacks and acrobatics so we don’t do it. If he wants it we can go lie down in bed.

Creeper8 · 30/09/2018 19:52

and sorry but my little girl who is 17 months was sleeping through at 2 weeks old.

Cookit · 30/09/2018 19:52

We’ve still not got the sleeping down though! But then the idea of having to get him back to sleep without feeding scares me as feeding takes so little effort.

user1490607838 · 30/09/2018 19:53

Yep stop now if it's causing you discomfort.

No real need to feed past one year at all. Why put yourself through it?

Even feeding them to 3-4 months gives them a great start in life, and is actually quite sufficient, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Cookit · 30/09/2018 19:53

@Creeper8 whaaaaat!!!

Oh I’m jealous. No idea how many times by two year old will wake up tonight...

Luxecalmeetvolupte · 30/09/2018 19:53

Not selfish in the slightest. DD will be 10 mths on 6 Oct and I am with you on this. Also currently have a massive milk blister on one side from delightful teething latch. Over it already, but have had mastitis twice so fearful of weaning too fast...

underneaththeash · 30/09/2018 19:53

I was the same, I managed 16 weeks with all of mine and counted down the last few days. It was never something I enjoyed doing.

Having said that though, I did have many friends who did enjoy it and carried on for 1 year +.

Before you do stop though, I managed to last a bit longer by gettibg DH to give a bottle of formula before bed at around 11 as a dream feed. It mean I got more sleep, they slept better too.

YeOldeTrout · 30/09/2018 19:53

It's a relationship so both sides have to want it or it's not right.
I didn't reach OP's stage until 16-18 months, but I feel no guilt on easing things down from then.
How to... distraction, off alternatives, etc. I had to go a bit hardcore on no milk at night after 12 months, though, but my babies got used to it.

Doesn't a 9-10month old still need formula? Might skew your plans to not have to start bothering with that.

ThursdayLastWeek · 30/09/2018 19:53

Yes, I totally agree with Nothing - DC1 slept through earlier, quickly learned not to bite (because milk was his main motivator!) and it was relatively easy to feed him for a long time.

DC2 didn’t sleep no matter what I did and also my tits expended at the most horrific rate, I didn’t feel like I looked like me any more. Consequently we mixed fed earlier, and weaned off BFing earlier too.

Do what works for you, maybe introduce a bottle in the night so DH can take a turn and you can sleep?
Absolutely do not feel guilty.

Regressionconfession · 30/09/2018 19:54

YANBU!!! I found it goes in waves, if you get through the biting stage you may be fine for a while and then something else will prompt you to consider weaning again. Breastfeeding aversion definitely kicks in for me when mine aren't sleeping well!!!!

Original poster
Gizzygizmo · 30/09/2018 19:55

I should have said he’s been refusing bottles since 6 months old.
He bit me so badly 3 days ago and the pain has been excruciating since, so only have left boob to feed from.
I’ve loved it and the bond is amazing, it could be I’m just struggling through this phase it’s so hard Sad

OP posts:
CabinFever674 · 30/09/2018 19:55

I came very close to stopping at the biting stage - lots of tears - but saw it through and it didn't last long. Now at 17m having come through various other obstacles mostly as I'm stubborn and wanted to get to various milestones, but I'll stop when he wants to and if it just gets too hard before that then I'll stop and won't beat myself up about it. No matter how long you do, it's an amazing start for your baby.

60sname · 30/09/2018 19:55

I stopped when DS1 started nipping me, especially as I had a blocked duct around the same time (I'm not sure if it was the cause). However it was around 11mo, when I wanted to stop anyway. Don't feel guilty about stopping, you've already bf longer than most.

user1490607838 · 30/09/2018 19:55

I mean even BREASTfeeding them to 3-4 months gives them a great start in life, and is actually quite sufficient, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

NotSoThinLizzy · 30/09/2018 19:55

I've done it for 13 months now and I've hated it since 4 months but bottle refuser and completely stubborn baby has made me feed this far. I'm just doing it to have some sort of sleep at night if I'm lucky I get a whooeb4 hours 😂

Cyw2018 · 30/09/2018 19:55

I've solved the scratching/pinching at night time (we bed share) with sleep suits with integrated scratch mitts. There are a few brands (frugi, the essential one) that go up to 18 month with the scratch mitts.

DD got her first tooth today, so no advice on biting, I'm just hoping for the best!!

PinkyU · 30/09/2018 19:56

I bf mine for 2.5 years, 3 years and 3.5 years respectively. You don’t have to feel guilty but what I would say is don’t give up at a difficult bit as it does often lead to regret.

The acrobatic and biting stage does need to be handled firmly and setting out good nursing etiquette will be helpful if you do continue for longer.

If you’re feeling touched out, can you drop a feed or two, or if not, try to lengthen the time between lo asking to feed and the feed beginning (via distraction or offering other foods) giving you a level of control over when you feed?

DaisyChainsForever · 30/09/2018 19:56

I'm currently at 13 months with DS, but he only has 2 nights feeds off me now. If you're not enjoying it then don't feel like you have to carry on, 9/10 months is still a massive achievement! Smile

Bambamber · 30/09/2018 19:56

It is really hard. I'm still feeding my 18 month old with CMPA alongside soya and egg allergies, which means my diet is also restricted. I dread feeding her, I feel totally touched out and would be rather glad if she decided to wean herself. She still wakes up to 4 times a night for a feed, although I expect it's for comfort rather than anything else. She fidgets a lot as well, although not as bad as the stage you are currently going through.

It is absolutely not selfish to want to wean him, there is nothing to feel guilty about at all.

user1490607838 · 30/09/2018 19:56

What creeper8 means is baby was sleeping 6 hours without waking up.

Bet he/she was not sleeping 8pm til 8am from 2 weeks old! Hmm

MoonageDaydreamz · 30/09/2018 19:57

No lot aibu, but I do understand the guilt.

My baby is 8.5 months and still bf but it's taken its toll on me much worse 2nd time round, I have a medical condition where I can't take my normal meds so that's more difficult to manage whilst bf and I never seem to lose the last stone or so of baby weight until I stop bf.

So good reasons to stop. But, I like the convenience of being able to just feed. And the guilt part, I bf my baby's sibling for a year so feel like they should get the same.

Rationally I'm sure you know you can stop, 9 months is a really good stint, and by the time you drop all the feeds (as you need to allow a week between each feed stopped to avoid engorged breasts, mastitis etc) it will be closer to 10 months.

Maybe try substituting the most difficult feed for a bottle, see how you feel and go from there.

user1490607838 · 30/09/2018 19:58

Why do people feel the need to come onto threads where new mothers are struggling, to brag about THEIR baby sleeping through the night (SUPPOSEDLY!) from 2 weeks old?!

How is that helping anyone?! Hmm

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