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To wonder how mums cope breastfeeding for so long

81 replies

Gizzygizmo · 30/09/2018 19:46

My little man is 9 months old (10 months on 7th October)
We are now at the biting, scratching, nipping stage... back flips, kicking around Confused
I feel awful but I’m so fed up and feel so ready to wean him.
I’m on some breastfeeding groups and wonder how the hell some make it so far, maybe it’s the sleepless nights and wanting me for comfort making me feel this way.
I am feeling so incredibly guilty.
Guess my unreasonable question would be is it selfish of me to want to wean him to regain some normality, get my body back and maybe have a decent sleep.
No idea how to wean and I’m bored of feelIng sorry for myself lol

OP posts:

BeautifulPossibilities · 30/09/2018 20:48

That's a difficult stage. Sleep went to shit for us too,it gets better. Feeding a toddler doesn't necessarily mean they wake up all the time!


MadeForThis · 30/09/2018 20:52

Definitely agree that the best way to stop biting is to pull them closer to the breast rather than pulling away - that's sore!!

Also pay attention to their latch. They have to change their whole mouth position to bite. It doesn't last long. Say No then refuse to let them feed for a minute or two. Doesn't take long for them to link biting to the feed stopping.

Well done for getting to 9 months.


KTCluck · 30/09/2018 20:54

I came so close to stopping around that time! The biting was horrific! For us it was a fairly short phase (although there’s been the odd couple of nights of it recurring when she’s teething). I’d say if it’s the only thing making you want to stop wait it out. I was really pleased I did as it’s so good for instantly settling DD and I’d really miss having that up my sleeve. Plus it would have cost me a fair bit in formula at that age if I’d stopped.

If you’re ready for other reasons too though then stop. No guilt necessary. There’s no medal for getting to a certain point and your child will be fine regardless.

DD is 17 months. I stopped day time breastfeeds at 13 months as she was terrible for pulling my top up or just playing rather than feeding when in public. She was doing long days in childcare though so it wasn’t too difficult. Just the odd protest here and there and I just told her they were sleeping.

I think we are coming close to stopping altogether soon. Not DD’s choice, she’s showing no signs of wanting to give up, but I’m definitely starting to feel touched out and I think she’d sleep better if she was night weaned. I’m not ready to face that battle quite yet but I can see that it won’t be long before I am especially if the nipple twiddling continues. I feel quite ok about it coming to an end whereas when I considered it during the biting phase I felt really sad so knew it wasn’t time.


Gizzygizmo · 30/09/2018 21:16

It is a mix of everything. The biting, scratchIng, wanting to be latched on all night which is so uncomfortable leaning into his cot. We tried co sleeping but I’m far too much of a heavy sleeper and after a night where I didn’t notice the cover was too far over him I didn’t ever again.
It’s got to the point where he don’t even want to cuddle me unless he’s feeding, won’t sit with me but instead he starts tugging my top. Baby and daddy will be laughing and giggling rolling on the floor, but when I walk in he instantly wants milk. I miss out on the fun.
It sounds silly, and I am probably over reacting.
He’s a beautiful happy baby such a joy to be around.

OP posts:

Juanbablo · 30/09/2018 21:27

To be honest at 9 months I reached peak "I can't do this anymore" stage. But it did pass quickly and we continued till 15 months.


BigLittleLies · 30/09/2018 21:28

Don’t feel guilty.

I had no regrets about stopping feeding my last born as I was done! He was 13 months and never took a bottle. He started biting along with being up 3-4 times a night and feeding wasn’t settling him so I just had to stop for my own sanity as I was so sleep deprived. After a few bad nights with his dad he was fine. We have the usual bad sleeping phase every few months but that’s normal.

Don’t knock yourself, you’re doing great so don’t feel guilty. At nine months and beyond he’ll probably prefer a mum that can play all day after a good nights sleep.


NameChange30 · 30/09/2018 21:35

Why don’t you cut out the night feeds?
We went cold turkey on night feeds when DS was 10 months old.
It was fine, he was fine, he is now sleeping loads better and we are all happier.
Still breastfeeding at 18 months and plan to continue until he turns 2, then I’ll see how I feel.

Oh and zero tolerance on the biting. Plus get some silverette cups if your nipples are badly injured, I had very sore broken skin at one point at the silverette cups were amazing.


Gizzygizmo · 30/09/2018 21:41

Namechange30 how did you cut night feeds? Every time I try pat and shush him back to sleep I cave in when he starts crying, I really wanted a gentle way of cutting out the night feeds

OP posts:

LivingDeadGirlUK · 30/09/2018 21:54

I was going to stop at 9 months as I went back to work but his sleep was so bad at the time I needed to carry on as at least I could latch him on and snooze if needed. I was lucky he wasnt a biter though.

My partner was giving a bedtime bottle from 6 months but I see yours is bottle refusing :(


NameChange30 · 30/09/2018 21:55

Cold turkey, don’t give in.

This might sound strange but I think it’s the kindest way of doing it, because it’s completely consistent. They understand very quickly that they won’t get milk so they stop crying for it. Whereas if they sometimes get it and sometimes don’t, or get a bit but not as much as they want, they won’t understand why, and they’ll keep crying for much longer in the hope that they might get it.

We had one or two really hard nights and basically held/cuddled DS all night long, but it wasn’t as bad as we feared and he adapted very quickly.

That was phase one btw, phase two was getting him to settle in his cot instead of being held all night and that was harder because we tried to do it gradually and it didn’t work. We had to get stricter in the end but when we did it was hard for a night or two and then fine.


AnotherPidgey · 30/09/2018 22:40

I went cold turkey on DS2's night feeds when he was 18m. After a week of sending DH in to him, his sleep improved.

I fed for 13m and 20m. First time I stopped so periods could ressume for TTC. Second time, I just reached my limit. If he'd stuck to wanting a cosy bedtime feed, that would have been OK, but he didn't want that; he wanted to help himself in the day and was getting demanding and I reached my limit.

DS1 was a biter. It did pass. With DS2, I had vasospasms after mastitis and I fed 2:1 because one side couldn't cope with alternating feeds. There were many times when I was close to stopping, but it often eased. As bottle refusers, it was good to get them past 12m and on to cups particularly as DS1's food allergies weren't identified until 12m and formula would have made him quite poorly.


Osirus · 30/09/2018 22:54

It’s so much easier after 12 months. It’s so handy at calming an irrational toddler too. I’m sure we are biologically meant to breastfeed through the toddler years 🙂


Spanglylycra · 30/09/2018 22:59

What you describe would absolutely drive me around the bend so YANBU. I read on here recently someone wrote "imagine having a pizza wafted under your nose you'd want it and it's the same with boobs and milk" I'd never thought about it like that before but it made a lot of sense. Whilst the bond is lovely when you start to feel like a milk machine it's mentally wearing, throw into that biting/chewing and it stops becoming a pleasant experience. You have done incredibly well to get as far as you have but if it isn't working for you it's time to stop. He will adjust, not the first to refuse a bottle and won't be the last, he'll get there, good luck!


acquiescence · 30/09/2018 23:02

I’m with you and also feeling some guilt about wanting to stop. My boy is 8 months and has mostly formula in the day now, and now I’m tryig to give him a bottle of formula at night as well. He is going to sleep much faster after a bottle as he is full and doesn’t want to suckle for comfort.

I fed my first child for longer so feel bad, but breast feeding is not helping anyone in our house I don’t think. It makes me irritable and touched out and tired after being awake all night. Socks on hands are essential. I will probably continue for a while or else we will be up at 5am every day instead of an extra half hour in bed feeding. I would stop now if sleep were a little better although I think it is a bit of a vicious circles


DramaAlpaca · 30/09/2018 23:03

I stopped at 9 months with DC1 and 8 months with DC2 partly because I couldn't cope with the biting.

I reckoned I'd given them a good go, and decided I wouldn't feel guilty about stopping.

When I finished bf DC1 I was already pregnant with DC2, and I have to admit I was ready to give up.

There's nothing wrong with stopping breastfeeding when you feel that you are done.


PickAChew · 30/09/2018 23:07

Just unlatch and out them down for a break if they bite. Either use your finger or push in a bit. They soon learn what you will tolerate.


OliviaPopeRules · 30/09/2018 23:08

Surely the easiest way to get around the nighttime issue is a soother. Might mean you are more inclined to continue bf during the day. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty and well done for bf for so long.


Chwaraeteg · 30/09/2018 23:23

Ugh, the biting. My first only ever bit once or twice and I bf'd her for two years. My 2nd is only 7 months and is going through a terrible biting / teething phase. I've actually switched to mixed feeding now and I give her a bottle when she's being a little bugger (I used one of those tommee tippee transition teats to get her to take one).

Have you tried a Nursing necklace, OP? I found it really helps with the head turning, hair pulling, nose grabbing, fish hooking, eye gouging, scratching, poking malarky (I think my lo is in training to be a cage fighter, honestly).


saffyBoo · 30/09/2018 23:48

I've been breastfeeding for four years now continually (2 DC). I find it easier than faffing about with bottles and formula.


Sashkin · 01/10/2018 00:37

Oh god the pinching! I had totally forgotten about the pinching. DS used to pinch my chest really hard and then twist, my chest was covered in red marks and he used to draw blood sometimes. And random slapping at my face mid-feed. He wasn’t pissed off, he was just slapping away at me for fun. And the fingers up my nose. Just awful.

He grew out of all of that after a couple of months too, thankfully.


furandchandeliers · 01/10/2018 11:03

I think people may be misinterpreting what sleeping through is, I would have said mine slept through at a few weeks but sleeping through at 4 weeks to me means last feed about ten and next feed about 6/7. It usually means they feed more in the day.


furandchandeliers · 01/10/2018 11:04

Also op stop bf if you really don't enjoy it, 9 months is great 👍


Gizzygizmo · 02/10/2018 07:29

Thank you everyone for the helpful comments.
I keep going back and forth on what’s best for us both, after the last bad bite from him last night after a feed he fell asleep and it happened again. I’m so incredibly sore, only just healed from the last bite Sad
The constant night waking is taking its toll on me

OP posts:

Gizzygizmo · 02/10/2018 07:32

It wasn’t intentional like messing around, he was rubbing his eyes and stretched which meant he clenched his teeth down. It took me a good few seconds to move his arms so I could get him off... ouch ouch ouch

OP posts:

wineandcheeseplease · 02/10/2018 07:34

I am only just weaning my 2 year old. I wish i had stopped earlier.

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