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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just been sent a photo of my mother on a donkey.

114 replies

Prettyvase · 30/09/2018 16:25

I am supposed to react haha! How great is that?! She is, after all, 79 years old.
A donkey can carry up to 100lbs or 7st but my mother is at least double that, probably more.

I don't have a great relationship with my parents. I feel appalled.

OP posts:
Lweji · 30/09/2018 18:38

Well it seems more constructive than lecturing your mother about a donkey ride she's already taken.

Only if she is never to take another ride again, and speaks to nobody.

If she is to understant the welfare issues, she can avoid taking such rides in future and alert her friends to it too. It can also alert her regarding other animal welfare issues.
Just as long as the OP doesn't call her ignorant and stupid, a conversation about it can only be constructive.

As for the Jordanian Government, I'm sure they never had any pressure from animal rights activists, which is why these donkey rides still exist. I'm sure a letter from the OP will make all the difference.

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 30/09/2018 18:44

We saw loads of donkeys carrying overweight tourists up to the Acropolis in Rhodes. I felt so sorry for them, especially in the heat Sad

Surely if you don't want to do the walk because it is too strenous, you'd not want some poor animal to do it with you on their back as well?

I'd definitely have to say something if that was my mother. People are never too old to be educated!

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 30/09/2018 18:44

On the plus side, as a consequence of this thread, a few more people will be giving donkey rides a swerve now.

Being too heavy for a donkey is nothing to be ashamed about- I'd have to be near the bottom of the healthy weight range for my height before I was light enough for a donkey, and I'm short! That's just the way it is. In other news, I have to sleep in a proper bed instead of economising on bedroom floor space by squashing myself into a baby cot each night.

The drawbacks of reaching adulthood, eh? Full fare on the bus, too big to fit on a donkey...

ShmooBooMoo · 30/09/2018 18:53

Relieve her of her ignorance? Seriously. I'd be telling her this is abuse of the poor donkey. I hate the unscrupulous bastard owners that make their animals suffer for a quick buck Sad Angry

TheNavigator · 30/09/2018 18:55

I wouldn't respond to the text - I'd be too seething on behalf of the poor wee donkey to be polite.

I don't understand the posters who think being 79 gives you a free pass to be cruel to animals - it is actually a pretty ageist and patronising view.

hazell42 · 30/09/2018 18:56

Say nothing. She's 79. Someone let her on it. Take it up with them. She's your mum for goodness sake. I wish my dad was abke to go donkey riding.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 30/09/2018 19:08

The grow up comment is written by posters who would have no problem with animal cruelty when it comes to " tourist entertainment" and obviously deserves no comment.

Sooo, we have people in the ME, a place not known for been rich and so on, who are trying to earn money to feed their family by giving tourists a ride on a donkey. That money is what will allow them to feed their family, their children. Feed them, clothe them, have a roof over their head. Maybe even send them to school a bit longer.

Wo that income, that just wouod nit happen.

But somehow, it’s cruel and awful to have a donkey ride. The poor donkeys etc etc.
What about the poor children if the. Donkey rides weren’t allowed because ‘it’s cruel’.
Is it not just as cruel to stop a family from their income (by refusing to have a ride), with all the things they wouod be able to get thanks to that money?

But yes judge away at the fact these poor animals are mistreated wo a second thought for the children who can eat thanks to them.

Bottom line, it’s not as simple as saying it’s cruel, it should never happen.
These rides are happening for a reason. And it’s not just to be able to enjoy mistreating the donkeys Hmm

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 30/09/2018 19:09

Anyway, am so embarrassed. Also on social media

Why are you embarrassed? It’s your mum not you. If anything it will reflect in her, not you.
Your embarrassment is misplaced imo.

puppymouse · 30/09/2018 19:10

Aaargh I would be so upset seeing that. I have had this exact conversation with my mum who is around what you say your mum weighs. She had the chance to have a ride and said no for that reason and I was very relieved. I wouldn't have been able to hide my feelings.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 30/09/2018 19:10

God, I cannot believe there's just basically been a "be grateful your mum can ride a donkey" comment Grin We should start MN bingo.

I agree with you op, these animals are treated appallingly, the people making money from them don't give a toss about how much they can comfortably carry.

Aridane · 30/09/2018 19:14

Who is the biggest ass - the donkey, the mother or the OP? (It’s the mother bashing OP IMO)

Molecule · 30/09/2018 19:16

I’m not sure I can get too het up over this, though I do hate to see animals being exploited anywhere. But you need to remember that donkeys have been bred for thousands of years to be beasts of burden, and this is what they are in the Middle East, and it may well be that the tourist ones around Petra are better looked after than ones working out of sight in brickworks and the such. Stop the tourists riding them and they will be either be sold and used elsewhere or literally starve.

To us it seems barbaric, but without a job to do the options are very limited for the donkey, and are not nice. There will be very few donkey sanctuaries in Jordan, so no happy ending for them.

Rather than rant about your mother, donate to this charity: www.thebrooke.org/our-work/jordan who understand that animals have to work and do all they can to help them and their owners. A fit, well cared for animal is far more productive for its desperately poor owner, and the Brooke do sterling work in this area.

So, all-in-all your mother probably did the donkey and its owner a good turn.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 30/09/2018 19:17

When we were there we saw many of the those leading the donkeys were children. Our guide told us not to ride as these children are forced to work from a young age rather than going to school and giving money exacerbates the situation.

Maelstrop · 30/09/2018 19:22

Makes me sad that this still goes on. I’m reading a book about Dorothy Brooke whose husband was posted to Egypt and many British warhorses had been left behind and bought by poor locals. She stated the Brooke charity which helps to educate owners and offers medical support.

I doubt anything you say will make your mother realise that she made a poor choice. I don’t care that she’s 79, what has to do with anything is beyond me.

AnnabelleLecter · 30/09/2018 19:29

Those donkeys in Santorini made me want to weep. But I was really pleased that not a single person off our cruise ship rode one. We all walked up (mad) and others got the cable car.
I would say poor donkey to her too.

tazzle22 · 30/09/2018 19:36

I agree with Molecule... all the posturing and wailing here about horrid 79 year old and that no one should ride donkeys is no use.

It's s fact of life that people do use donkeys in these countries to earn a living and many of the horses and donkeys are overburdened. The worst are probably in construction and farming not giving tourists rides as not all will be too heavy for the donkeys.

The Brooke support lots of horses and donkeys in many countries so may be if anyone feels so strong about it then support them as well as pointing tourists to the site

I too am a weight I would not ride any donkey unless it was perhaps a larger one such as a poitu... but I know a lot about equines and weight limits perhaps most tourists going on donkey rides don't.

Go easy on mum OP....give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe jyst say you were interested and googled donkey rides...oh and look what you found out Shock

DownAndUnder · 30/09/2018 19:39

Text back that donkeys are only meant to carry 7 stone, I would.

madeoficecream · 30/09/2018 19:45

Id actually reply honestly and say 'did you know that donkeys are not fit to carry adult weight really and that it causes them serious harm?'

Id certainly not praise it.

overnightangel · 30/09/2018 19:49

OP, as someone who used to volunteer with Brooke and still donates, tell your Mam from me that she’s a shameless embarrassment and to get a fucking grip

Aprilislonggone · 30/09/2018 19:53

Just reply
Poor donkey.
And when she gets back suggest she donates to Petra.

Original poster
Prettyvase · 30/09/2018 20:14

My dad sent me the photo. I don't speak much to my mum ( am near NC as regularly told me she'd like to kill me as a child. Didn't have a maternal bone in her body. )

Anyway, would have loved to have had a loving mother daughter relationship ( as I have with my own DDS) but it wasn't to be due to her hating children ( including my own).

Have only recently unblocked her on social media but feel like blocking her again.

Ugh.

OP posts:
starzig · 30/09/2018 22:57

Why would she donate to Petra?

Maelstrop · 30/09/2018 23:02

Definitely block her.

SandAndSea · 30/09/2018 23:03

How about:

"Are you sending me this so I can report you to the RSPCA?" (And make that a tag.)

ladymariner · 30/09/2018 23:10

Just reply what overnight angel said

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