To feel utterly past it at the age of 33?

[LittleMissFrumpy]

I turn 33 this week. I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps today.

I have two very tiny children, a generally happy marriage and a very very full on part time job (which basically means three days in the office but working most nights to stay on top). But I enjoy my job. It’s challenging and I’m quite passionate about it.

I look terrible. I’m fat and puffy. I’m so tired. My hair is going grey (I have bought a home dye kit but haven’t had time to do it yet).

My workplace is full of affairs and sex. Lots of young people and big nights out. Don’t get me wrong. I have less than zero interest in an affair (haha - I barely have the energy to maintain my own marriage) I love my husband. But I feel completely asexual. I feel like people look through me. I don’t tend to get invited out much and I feel a bit invisible when I do. It would just be nice to feel attractive and popular again if that makes sense.

We are absolutely skint due to childcare costs so I can’t really afford to buy loads of new and trendy/designer clothes. Or get my hair done. This will improve with time but this year it’s very hard.

I need to lose about three stone. I have an awful c section overhang and my skin and hair are terrible. I want to start running but I lack the confidence (I derive no pleasure from exercise. I wish I did).

I just feel in a rut and I feel really old

I have always been pretty take it or leave it about sex tbh.

But 32 and I’m always thinking about “when the kids are old enough” (I want 5 and I want to homeschool) starting a business or a new career and thinking I’ll be too old to succeed (and cursing the bastard ageist society that makes it so!)

Hope ageism has become as unacceptable as racism when I’m 50.

I’ve also never been attractive or popular so could never be those things “again” lol.

Juggling tiny children and work is hard and exhausting. I'm a decade on from you and my children are both at school. Life is still busy and hectic but I get more time to myself and socialise and do more exercise than I did when the children were small. I still don't have money for decent clothes but that doesn't seem to matter so much now.

I'm 35 almost anyway and sometimes feel like this. Do couch to five k, I've just started and it's cleared my head a lot!
Post baby it can be hard to feel like a human again

Give up sugar. It will change your life.

I did it to feel better then lost loads of weight and save money.

More energy better sleep. I thought feeling like you describe was just a symptom of having you g kids a house and a job. After reading an article on blood sugar levels staying steady to feel bettet i decided to try it.

The other parts of my life havent changed but life is so much better and easier without the ups and downs of sugar.

I am not trying to sell a diet plan although reading the above it sounds like it

I can remember having small kids, so can sympathise. Forget about all the office nonsense and concentrate on you and your family. You say you would like to start running - good for you. Can you look for a local park run? You'll find plenty of other tired parents there & you don't need any fancy clothes to get started.

This will probably be the hardest time in terms of money, independence and energy levels and it’s at a time when you also ‘should’ be looking and feeling your best. It will get better soon. In the meantime try to organise some time to yourself on a regular basis- you could talk about having one day a month each to yourselves where you do whatever you like, even if it’s staying in bed all day. Also make sure you take turns for lie ins and bed times on a strict basis so you reliably have some time. Wear comfortable clothes, slap on make up and it’ll start coming together in a year or so when you’ve got more energy!

I agree that couch to 5k is a great idea. I started it in April with a local running group and the support of the group really helped to keep me motivated. I had a baby in January and have managed to lose my baby weight and a bit extra just by running twice a week.

OP I just turned 33. I have 2 children, 7 and 4 and a part time job (although mine is very low stress, I don’t enjoy it but it’s not stressful), I need to lose 3 stone and also have a nice c-section overhang so
I feel your pain.
I’ve had a wobble about my age this time too. I feel ‘past it’, I feel like all I can see in front of me is 40 and it scares me. I wonder if this is the age we suddenly feel like grown ups and everything seems to catch up with us? Reality hits maybe?
Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you want to start running but don’t have the confidence what about going early morning? Or doing some exercises at home until your confidence builds up? I can’t afford expensive new clothes either but if you use places like H&M, primark and matalan you can get some lovely things that could make you feel better.

Looking after tiny kids turns you grey. Fact. You will recover as they grow up. I promise

I’m desperate to do couch to 5k. Under cover of darkness. I’m going to try. I just struggle it’s like I fet ready to go and can’t go through with it. I dunno why.

I have an evening event at work this week. A group of us are going. I am going in place of another girl in my team (young, thin, attractive) who would usually go but can’t make it, and I overheard one of the guys basically voicing his disappointment that she wasn’t going. He didn’t actually say “ffs frumpy is going” but that’s how I feel about it.

Im 36, two kids, going grey, about 4 stone overweight and also have a lovely baby 'apron'. So I totally get how you feel. I dont have many words of wisdom, I think I have long-term mild depression too so generally I am more struggling through life rather than thriving. I will second a pp, I'm just about to go on my last run of Week 8 of Couch to 5k. It starts you slowly and builds you up week by week - I made a playlist of songs that really lift me up and the music really helps my enjoyment. I'm running for 28 mins solidly now and I feel really proud of myself. Its only half an hour 3 times a week so I've managed to slot it in - just about!

Would you consider a treadmill to do couch to 5k on? I don't have the confidence to run outside but I go on my treadmill at least 4 days a week.

@buddyelf Yes to feeling like a proper grown up - it feels like life is just all bills, stress and sacrifice. Why did I not listen when my mum told me not to be in a rush to grow up?! I want to get off, I've made a mistake

Try to not call yourself frumpy, often the words we use on ourselves perpetuate.

I echo others on the couch to 5k idea, and then take a couple of small steps- drinking more water, and extra serving of veg. One or two changes a week will soon add up and should help you to feel better and more energised, and that should help you to feel more positive.

I’m 34, no kids yet, and since my last birthday have been feeling positively ancient. I agree with a previous poster that all I see is 40 looming. I’ve got some health problems (anemia, under active thyroid, Oestrogen Dominance) that aren’t helping I think. Have you had a blood test recently to rule out things like low iron?

Some things that are helping are investing in good skincare (Vichy, La Roche Posay and Pixi Glow Tonic), colouring my hair at home (no grey but colour has given me a boost), finding exercise I do enjoy. I’ve got at least a Stone and a half to lose until i’ll feel comfortable in my body. I’m following Slimming World at the moment but not relying on any of the crap associated with it like Mullerlights and Mugshots...just simple homecooked meals and snacking on fruit, cutting down on sweet manufactured foods like chocolate and biscuits.

The Princessing thread in Style and Beauty is good for support and encouraging self care.

I remember feeling really low when my DC were similar ages. You're just on a treadmill of exhaustion and it's quite thankless at times. Give yourself an hour today and do your hair - it will make you feel loads better to lose the grey. And make an overhaul of your diet as a PP suggested. I'm T2 diabetic and had to cut out processed sugars and too many carbs. Now if I eat them as a rare "treat", I feel absolutely crap the next day and remember that I used to feel like that all the time. It really does make a huge difference to your energy levels.

I am 52. I die my hair, and I run, cycle and play badminton. I love dressing up, going out, drinking and dancing. I’ve never felt fitter than I do now. Age really is just a number, it’s all about attitude. It’s difficult for you because of your stressful life with work and 2 young kids, you might possibly be a bit depressed. But if you want to do something about yourself, look within yourself for the strength to change. Small steps with the weight loss, and look for free or cheap types of exercise. Good luck

You are being pathetic.

I am 56, I have a 6 pack, size 10. I visit the gym 4 times a week I can run up stairs 2 at a time, just started a business,

I am in the prime of my life- and old enough to be your mother.

@speakout you're being a dickhead.

Sooner be a bit pathetic than a stone cold bitch 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ooh speakout, you’re also the soul of compassion, I think you forgot to list that?

Blimey OP, I have a decade on you and don’t feel like this.

Though I don’t have small kids and I do remember that takes a lot of your energy from you and if you’re not careful your identity.

Probably ten years ago I’d have said I got no pleasure from exercise but I forced myself to go to the gym frequently and now I’m a total exercise addict and lost two stone. Get exercising. You could start with couch to 5k.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're feeling low. The good news is, you can begin to change this. Your idea of couch to 5k, is a good one.
Cutting out sugar, would benefit you greatly, your weight, mood, skin and energy levels, would all improve.
Do you have a hairdressing college nearby. They always need models, you can get a new style and colour, for a very reasonable price, all supervised by a professional.
Stop labelling yourself as frumpy, you're not, start thinking of yourself, as a great mum, a working mum, as well as chief cook and bottle washer, who is on a successful mission to improve herself. This is a battle, that you can win ! 💐

Bit harsh, Speakout - but absolutely true!

Don’t worry, OP, the fog will clear, your children will grow up, and you’ll get your life back. I promise.

Invest in a good pair of trainers and get yourself out there to train for C25k. Or do a class once or twice a week.

It’s a pretty sh*te at that point In you’re life.