To feel utterly past it at the age of 33?

[LittleMissFrumpy]

I turn 33 this week. I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps today.

I have two very tiny children, a generally happy marriage and a very very full on part time job (which basically means three days in the office but working most nights to stay on top). But I enjoy my job. It’s challenging and I’m quite passionate about it.

I look terrible. I’m fat and puffy. I’m so tired. My hair is going grey (I have bought a home dye kit but haven’t had time to do it yet).

My workplace is full of affairs and sex. Lots of young people and big nights out. Don’t get me wrong. I have less than zero interest in an affair (haha - I barely have the energy to maintain my own marriage) I love my husband. But I feel completely asexual. I feel like people look through me. I don’t tend to get invited out much and I feel a bit invisible when I do. It would just be nice to feel attractive and popular again if that makes sense.

We are absolutely skint due to childcare costs so I can’t really afford to buy loads of new and trendy/designer clothes. Or get my hair done. This will improve with time but this year it’s very hard.

I need to lose about three stone. I have an awful c section overhang and my skin and hair are terrible. I want to start running but I lack the confidence (I derive no pleasure from exercise. I wish I did).

I just feel in a rut and I feel really old

I agree with those who are recommending tiny changes, step by step

Look after your mental health too and make sure you have some regular down time too

Best of luck I hope you feel better very soon

Well OP, I can tell you nothing ages you faster than finding your first grey pube!!! Not speaking from own experience obviously

But in all seriousness, I have 2 toddlers (1 still breastfeeding) and the lack of sleep and constant physical demand is exhausting and aging. I managed to exercise and eat well during mat leave, but couldn't keep it up with the demand of returning to work.

Life will be different in 5 years, take care of yourself x

I felt decrepit at 32. I had my second baby and had a slow recovery. I was exhausted from night feeds to the point of feeling permanently hungover (without the fun of earning it). When I finally stopped limping after 9 months of SPD wore off, I started C25k. At 33 I was fit enough to my first half marathon while still being knackered from toddler, 3 yo and demanding p/t job.

The great thing about C25k was that it was short and flexible so could fit in around feeds and shoehorned in at any time of day or night around family life. Fresh air and getting outside is so important to well being. By the time the evenings lengthen out in the spring, you can be confidently running 5k and getting some sunlight and vitamin D from it. It's also great time to be alone and clear your headspace.

5 years on, I'm still not 40 but have a stronger sense of self. The DCs have a new set of challenges (sibling rivalry yey!) but they are less dependent which makes things less intense.

Felling old when you're balancing life with young children and your sense of self is squeezed is very normal. You are allowed to carve out bits of time to give you a boost.

I feel like I’m slipping into that invisible stage as well. I went out at the weekend in an outfit that was 6 years out of date and a head of grey hair. I need to make more effort with hair, nails, clothes etc... I’ve just been stuck in a rut as well!! It’s hard with small children.

I felt just like you OP, but at 35 and after 3 children. Happy to report there is light at the end of the tunnel. Look after yourself, in every sense, not just exercise, but sleep, mental space, good food. Nobody else will. Everybody just takes, takes, takes from you as a mother and wife. Women who look good spend time and effort on themselves and have the headspace to do so. Mothers often do/have neither, hence the bedraggled past-it look, sadly.

So I have learnt to put myself on a par with my family members, not be below them as somebody ‘in service’, but equal. Yes, you do need your own time to read that book. Yes you do need to attend that exercise class every single week. No, something/somebody else does not take priority. Good luck!

Oh this thread has really helped. I feel really motivated to make some changes. I also don’t feel so alone in it all.