To feel utterly past it at the age of 33?

[LittleMissFrumpy]

I turn 33 this week. I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps today.

I have two very tiny children, a generally happy marriage and a very very full on part time job (which basically means three days in the office but working most nights to stay on top). But I enjoy my job. It’s challenging and I’m quite passionate about it.

I look terrible. I’m fat and puffy. I’m so tired. My hair is going grey (I have bought a home dye kit but haven’t had time to do it yet).

My workplace is full of affairs and sex. Lots of young people and big nights out. Don’t get me wrong. I have less than zero interest in an affair (haha - I barely have the energy to maintain my own marriage) I love my husband. But I feel completely asexual. I feel like people look through me. I don’t tend to get invited out much and I feel a bit invisible when I do. It would just be nice to feel attractive and popular again if that makes sense.

We are absolutely skint due to childcare costs so I can’t really afford to buy loads of new and trendy/designer clothes. Or get my hair done. This will improve with time but this year it’s very hard.

I need to lose about three stone. I have an awful c section overhang and my skin and hair are terrible. I want to start running but I lack the confidence (I derive no pleasure from exercise. I wish I did).

I just feel in a rut and I feel really old

I don't think Speakout was being mean. I think she was reassuring Op that there are better days ahead and it won't always be like this. I am older than Speakout and thats how l read it. I remember that feeling with small kids and feeling this is it.
Now grey hair is the least of my worries. Dyed every 4 weeks without even thinking about it. I also go to the gym , meet with friends, travel,enjoy my family etc. So OP this is a particularly busy part of your life but it will pass. And there are many fun days ahead so don't panic. Plenty of time to get your old self back and enjoy a great life.

I felt like this at 33 with two small kids. At 39 very nearly 40, I've lost the weight (Davina DVDs and intermittent fasting)and feel like I am surfacing from all the madly busy times.

Easy to say with some hindsight, but you are just in the thick of it. Hang on in there!

If you don't want to exercise outside (yet) why not do the Betty Rocker 30 day challenge? It's free and I found her really nice and generally inspiring about feeling better about yourself in general. Takes about 20 to 30 mins a day.

Littlemiss it's the life phase with 2 tiny kids and a very busy job, no time and little money - its not your age. Ignore the idiots trying to boist their egos by sneering - they aren't in your position.

I felt tired and broken at one point when my kids were small, even though I enjoyed phases of that time immensely. My youngest was a terrible sleeper for years and I felt 90 years old, everything hurt and I felt washed up and struggling.

It passes. I'm a decade older now, and haven't changed anything, the kids are just older and more self sufficient. I have time to think occasionally. There isn't always a child shouting for me and another in my arms wiping food in my hair. I get to go to the toilet alone. I get to drink hot tea. My kids even make me cups of tea and coffee

It will pass. Even if you change nothing your life phase will change.

Ironically you'll feel 10 years younger than you do today when you turn 40 (as long as you don't have another couple of kuds at 38 obviously...).

Op, one thing I would highly recommend is spending 5 minutes in the morning on your hair. Get DH to watch the kids while you dye it today, and then think of styles you would like to try (I’ve been curling mine in the morning like Caroline flack in love island, I’m about 5 stone fatter than her but had lots of complements and doesn’t take long!) Once I started with my hair it gave me a kick up the bum to look st my clothes. Money is tight for us too but I’ve found some lovely things at New Look recently and there’s great sales on.

What’s your body type? What clothes do you like (any celeb styles you like?)

Don’t call yourself frumpy. Sounds like you work with a bunch of immature twats!
X

Also, don’t fixate on your weight. Don’t postpone spending time on yourself to ‘when you’ve lost some weight’. Spend time on yourself now- you deserve it! It’s hard with a full on job and young kids, but try and carve out time for you everyday x

I really appreciate all these responses. Thank you. Sincerely. I feel really bolstered

CAn you do small steps at a time.

Exercise - the crunch to 5 k is very good, however, if you don’t feel confident in doing that, a half an hour walk is just as good. Or even a ten minute walk is better than nothing.

If the kids are in bed, and the tv programme you want to watch is half an hour away, then grab your trainers, set your watch to 10 minutes then go,for a walk. When it beeps, turn around and come home again. 20 minutes exercise done, in ‘wasted time’.

Focus on your mental health as well as physical health
Try mindfulness, for living in the moment and don't worry about what others think
I lost a shed load of weight after my third dc , went to gym etc and felt great
Unfortunately I've now been diagnosed with an awful autoimmune illness, which prevents me going to gym or any high impact exercise at the moment and I've put on weight again( blimmin steroids and chemo) , so I'm concentrating on getting better and my mental health in the meantime

You aren't past it, you just have small children. Once they are older I bet things will improve.

OP, you are young, but with small children, you will and are entitled to feel knackered. I’ve just turned 48; and I promise you life gets better. Your little ones need you less and life only gets better in your 40s.

As regards your current situation. Just as your DH to mind the kids for one evening and cook dinner so that you can have a relaxing bath and sort out your hair.
Ignore the tiny dick work colleague and ( as my mum would say) put your lippy on and go out.

Lots of good advice about c25k. But baby steps too. You’re already busy, so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get everything on your list done as fast as you like.

Speakout what you say may well be true.
But you aren’t very nice
Karma has a funny way of catching up with people and the next time you run up the stairs two at a time, you may just fall flat on your face!

Op with a bit of excercise you may actually feel you have more energy. Even a brisk walk half an hour four times per week would help your energy and your mood.
When you feel better, you look better because you smile and you are more appealing to others.
No advice on the rest of it I’m knackered with dc too.
It’s hard

I'm at your stage, OP (with just the one though!), and feel the same a lot of the time. What I'm trying to implement:

5.2 or even 6.1 to reset my relationship with biscuits food.
Less sugar overall
More water
Chucking DD at my husband every morning for 30 min before he goes to work if I'm going to be at home - me time, healthier breakfast, whatever.

Give up all meat, dairy and eggs. Eat fruit and vegetables, pulses and nuts and drink more water. It's cheaper, you'll feel healthier and have more energy.

I know how it feels. I have two small children and a full-time job, but single and there is no respite whatsoever from the job-home-chores-sleep cycle. I love my children to bits, and am shocked sometimes why I feel so tired and sad - as spending time with them is supposed to bring joy and happiness.

Dearest LMF. Take a long hard look at the part time job; seems a massive drain on time, energy and (maybe) finances (does it even cover childcare + other costs?). Despite your passion and commitment, seems to undermine self-confidence and doesn't appear best fit.

Take control of calorific intake, get active, use that home dye kit !

Oh Just to clarify when I said what speakout said may be true, I meant what she said about herself.

Op is a working mum of two nothing at all pathetic about that, just sounds like she’s lost herself a bit on the way which sadly is all too common in motherhood.

That was me at 33, with 2yo twins and just back to work. Now much better at 35!
I started with regularly having my nails done and hair coloured, I really needed something to feel nicer especially at work.
A couple of nice polished pieces of clothing (cheap from TKmaxx).
New habit of exercising at home for 30min just after putting the DC to bed, then shower with scrub and face/hair mask.

I feel you OP. I’m 33 too and feel the same. Sahm with 2 tiny kids. I know I need to make more time for myself, but when I do get that time, all I want to do is sit and eat chocolate and watch tv because I’m so exhausted. I know I need to pull myself together, but it’s so hard!

The problem with being Human is that we are NEVER satisfied with anything! So what you're going grey? So what you don't get to go out more?
If you have healthy kids, a great marriage and a roof over your head and not too many money worries, then you are far richer than most of the world.
A few grey hairs and wrinkles is better than being ill and disabled.
I'm over 50 and feel more energetic than I ever did in my 20s!

OP I turned 33 last week and was so miserable I didn't even have a shower nor leave the house. I'm a single working parent to a toddler and just feel totally miserable, like life is passing me by. Also 3 stone overweight with gorgeous c-section overhang

Class, charisma and kindness are all ageless.

You need to work on boosting your self esteem, OP. There are lots of ways to do this. I feel better about myself when I am learning new things so try to make the time to watch the odd lecture or learn a bit of a new language.

P.s I have an 11 month old and am exhausted most of the time. But I try and do something each day to make me feel better about myself if I can. For me, personally, trying to improve my looks doesn’t work. I need to feel that I am a good person if that makes sense. I found a wonderful, very simple exercise to do each day that really boosts your self esteem from within. I will try and find the link...

I don’t think I will be able to find it. But here it is:

Every night before bed, write three things that you did that day that you like about yourself. It can be trivial. I.e. “I like that I said hi to my neighbour’ or ‘I like that I’m trying this exercise even though I’m not sure it will work’

Read them every morning.

Do this for 30 days.

What this does, is train your brain each day to notice things you like about yourself. It is really very effective.

I agree it's not your age, just the life phase you are going through!

I had mine early 20s and felt like you do now, even when that young!

Now I'm the same age as you, only mine are older, and I feel like my prime is still to come!

Having small kids is bloody hard and we all go through that "I feel frumpy/old" phase. As the kids get more independence you find you can focus more on yourself.

Also working with younger people won't help. Try working with people your own age who are on your wavelength.. it makes all the difference!