To feel utterly past it at the age of 33?

[LittleMissFrumpy]

I turn 33 this week. I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps today.

I have two very tiny children, a generally happy marriage and a very very full on part time job (which basically means three days in the office but working most nights to stay on top). But I enjoy my job. It’s challenging and I’m quite passionate about it.

I look terrible. I’m fat and puffy. I’m so tired. My hair is going grey (I have bought a home dye kit but haven’t had time to do it yet).

My workplace is full of affairs and sex. Lots of young people and big nights out. Don’t get me wrong. I have less than zero interest in an affair (haha - I barely have the energy to maintain my own marriage) I love my husband. But I feel completely asexual. I feel like people look through me. I don’t tend to get invited out much and I feel a bit invisible when I do. It would just be nice to feel attractive and popular again if that makes sense.

We are absolutely skint due to childcare costs so I can’t really afford to buy loads of new and trendy/designer clothes. Or get my hair done. This will improve with time but this year it’s very hard.

I need to lose about three stone. I have an awful c section overhang and my skin and hair are terrible. I want to start running but I lack the confidence (I derive no pleasure from exercise. I wish I did).

I just feel in a rut and I feel really old

I’m 53 and I’m knackered too lots of stress for different reasons - get yourself along to Gp maybe some antidepressants may help! It sounds like you are actually doing a full time job in part time hours - do you workplace know you are having to do all this extra work at night. - are they paying you for this?

I think life these days is too stressful too many demands on us to be superwoman and it sounds like you are being quite harsh on yourself!
Doesn’t it really matter if you are going grey I’ve seen some very stylish women with grey hair and just think about all the chemicals you’ve are avoiding in not dying your hair - maybe a new style would give you a lift instead!

Does your DH help around the home/ with kids. - do you get any time just for yourself - have you thought about yoga - good for relaxation and getting to know your body!

I think diet is a big part to play in energy levels/ hormones too my next thing to try and conquer!

Don’t really know the answer I think this is life today really - we need to find ways to simplify it rather than add to it! Just wanted to let you know I dont think it’s age - I think it’s when we have too much on our plate!

Oh and by the way change your user name - that voice in you head can be very destructive!

I doubt op has the time to visit the gym 4 times a week.
I have two children. Oldest is 7 and the youngest 3 and work part time. This year I have finally started to come out of the darkness and manage to do a few things for myself here or there. It is quite relentless still to stay on top of everything
But the kids need less constant attention than they did so this has made things easier.
I agree with pp to make time to dye your hair as this will be a quick thing you can do to make yourself feel a bit better. I do yoga in the evenings at home which has helped my fitness energy and mental health. I also make sure I wear make up every day. I also have easy hairstyle to wash and dry in the morning to look decent. Could you do something like buy yourself one new item of clothing per month from somewhere like h&m so you slowly build up a wardrobe that you feel happier with?
Hang in there it will get better!

I would make one positive change in your life and other good things will often then follow. Couch 2 5K is brilliant idea. I completed it recently and at the start felt overweight and wobbly and couldn't run for a bus without being out of breath. It has helped me both physically and mentally. Don't overthink it - just download the app, put your trainers on and go for it. You could even do your first run today. Good luck!

Interested in the cutting out sugar- so no cakes,biscuits, ice cream and chocolate? What about fruit and carbs like pasta and potatoes etc? I’ve got 1 stone to lose and it’s just annoying!

I think it’s a sign of how young you actually are that you worry about this stuff - I mean that kindly. When you start getting to 40 + you generally just give zero fucks about what everyone else is doing and do the best you can with what you have.

If you don’t like running don’t force yourself to. What a waste of time and energy. Find some sort of exercise you do enjoy. Take up a class, buy an exercise bike and watch Netflix whilst you do it etc. There’s no point running or whatever for 3 hours a week to add a year or two onto your life if you’ve spent those years doing something you hate!

I think part of your problem is you’re surrounded by young people going out and having affairs. You need to surround yourself with some new people or look for a new job.

33 is very young, but sure it’s old compared to someone who is 18-21. It’s all about perspective.

I started doing dance cardio at 37 having never, ever set foot in a gym or whatever in my life. I found it gave me a challenge and something to enjoy. I wasn’t bothered about losing weight, just wanted to get a bit fitter.

I try to keep in my mind that many people never get to be my age and it’s a privilege to be able to do the things I am able to do body wise and family wise. I have to give myself a mental kick up the arse.

And I hope you are treating yourself for your Birthday - I’m very much that birthdays are special - doesn’t have to be expensive - just something a little bit different to show you are worth it!

speakout what a lovely person you must be... I would hope you are more compassionate in real life. You sound a delight.

OP I lost a lot of weight on a low carb diet during my pregnancy recently as I had gestational diabetes and it has made me feel fabulous - I look about a decade younger according to my parents and I feel so much better for it. I don’t have the time (or energy!) to run or do much exercise at the moment but I used to, although I think I have to wait a bit longer as I am only 4 months post c-section at the moment.

I’m sure you can find some easy ways to lose weight and I honestly do recommend a low carb, healthy diet full of good fats, protein and no / few processed foods. It is always advice that is given by health professionals etc but I truly believed it is the right advice now. I am evidence that it works!

Try to have at least one day a week dedicated to you, with your own schedule to chill out, read, watch lots of films, have a long relaxing bath etc. Then completely switch off from being a mummy and just try to be ‘you’ again. I’m sure if you combine these things with less stress, you will feel much better.

It is easier said than done though, and I know that I find it hard to feel like I am ‘only’ 38 - I sometimes feel 98 and I don’t even work at the moment! 🙄😂

I can run up stairs 2 at a time
Made me laugh!

OP I felt exactly the same at 33. But then once my DCs got a little older life got easier and after a bad photo at 35 I've turned it all around and feel in the world again and like I look my best again. Be kind to yourself - if not now, that change can come if you really want it

Op at your age and in your sme situation, I was pretty sure I was done. Now mid 40s and feel great! Your mojo will come back. Are you still bf or recently stopped? I round the hormone relaxin, which your body still makes while you bf, really affected my skin tone. Things got firmer after the kids were weaned.
No one feels their glamorous best at this stage, trust me you are still really young and you will get your groove back. I hate exercise too, but loved getting out with the buggy for long walks which was good. If you go low sugar and try a few low carb high protein meals that will help with your energy levels. Do something nice for yourself every day if you can, even if it is a bubble bath or your fav show.

If you’re working nights and you have young children then good sleep is probably a bit of a problem?
I found that the sleep issue to be a killer for how I felt and functioned.

I found once I got the sleep thing sorted it was easier to eat better and exercise.

Make sure you eat your five a day. If you can incorporate those portions of fruit and veg into your diet, you’ll probably be off to a good start

Running is great but if it’s too overwhelming, long brisk walks are really good too.

You bought your hair dye for a reason dodo that too.

Find out if your local college offers hair and beauty treatments. They’re usually quite cheap as they’re done by students and supervised.

I did couch to 5k. I did it on my own and in parks where I didn’t have to see other people.

I did the BBC one and it’s half an hour three times a week. I decided that I was worth half an hour three times a week.

I've just hit 47 and the old lady button has been pressed.

What amazes me is, how fast time flies as you get older.

OP, I am a year older than you with a two year old.
My partner and I work full time. When we're at home, were constantly doing housework. We also have my mentally ill MIL living with us. I am the biggest I've ever been (but admittedly only a size 12).

What has really helped me to de-stress and feel better about myself is yoga. I do the yoga with Adrienne videos on YouTube nearly every morning.

You don't have to do yoga, but maybe there's something you enjoy like dancing or weight training. The key is to find something you really love otherwise you will lose motivation and won't be able to keep up the activity.

@Speakout Do you have kids? Do you not remember what it’s like when they are young and zap all your energy? It may have been kinder to post reassuring the OP that it will get better as the kids grow up.

It's the young kids. It's just a really hard stage.

You might also want to consider getting blood tests, have all your levels checked. My cousin was feeling really exhausted and burnt out like you, went to the GP for advice and GP recommended blood tests. Turned out she was pretty deficient in Vitamin D and something else. She felt a lot better after some dietary tweaks and supplementation.

Also, you've got the hair dye. Using it is therefore free. Do it today. It's a quick job, and just take a few minutes out of whatever else you'd be doing. Vacuuming can wait!

I'm 32 with three kids aged 4 and under, and a busy job. And my husband left 6 months ago (excellent life choices here from me 😂)

I sort of felt the same, but I'm feeling much better lately. Choose five tiny changes - drinking more water, taking a multi vit & iron supplement etc. I joined a local 0-5K running club which met one evening a week, and six months later ran a half marathon in 2.5hours. It's the best I have felt in years. Just take the first step to doing something, anything, NOW. The worst thing is in 6 months time to look back and nothing has changed and you still feel the same. So start making tiny changes now.

I think you need to be kinder to yourself.

33 is not old, and when the kids are a bit older and things have settled down at work you will have more time to spend on yourself, and you still won't be old, in 5 years you will still only be 38.

Ah OP. I feel the same. It doesn't help that the young people at work now are just so groomed - much more so than when I was their age. Hair extensions, permanent make up, tan, false eyelashes, boo jobs. I feel rough in comparison! Though when they get to our age I think they will have it much harder as it will be more difficult to maintain. I'm trying to carve out some time every week to go swimming it's not really having any effect on sleep or mood or anything but I do feel like normality is returning if that makes sense. People keep saying it will all get better when the kids are bigger! Oh and I have the same name at work as a v attractive girl so she is the 'fit' name and I am the ordinary one. There have been plenty of disappointed men when there hs been some confusion and I've turned up. I think it reflects badly on them to be honest

I definetely feel I have more time and energy in my early 40s than in my early 30s when dc were small. I feel I’m able to prioritise myself again. It will get better.

I was going to suggest the same as thebrillopad is there a running group near you? Not an ultra competitive one with speedy runners but a supportive one with beginners? There is an excellent one near me who encourage anyone of any size and ability. Most are mums who are in the same situation as you so all get on well. Or try a fun fitness class like zumba that makes you smile and I find a set time to go makes me go rather than running becomes bottom of the 'to do' list

It's impossible to compare yourself to people in your office. Please don't do it.
A long time ago I was one of those young ones - going out, money for clothes, hair done etc but inside (and at home) I was desperate and crying for what you have

Don't be hard on yourself - get that hair dye on now, find your trainers and make changes for you

OP you are far far from past it! What you probably are is tired, two tiny children and a job is very hard work, I've been there. But you will start to feel like you again soon. Concentrate on being kind to yourself. Your body housed a baby, tell yourself you're a glorious goddess instead, even if you don't believe it. It will get easier.

It's young kids. I know this categorically because I had two weeks without them while I worked and dh took DC age 2+6 on holiday. After three nights normal sleep, a few salads and some exercise which I could do because they weren't there, I started to feel younger. By week two, I was looking really great. Obviously not thin, but kind of glowing and happy. It has lasted a while afterwards as well. I'm now trying to keep up the salad eating and exercise but the sleep is a real bastard.

Start doing one or two things a week. Make time to do it.

So today, make it a mission to dye your hair once kids in bed.

If you wear make up your next plan could to dig out your make up bag, get a few basics like mascara, lip gloss and tinted moisturiser.

Cut down on sugar, alcohol if you drink it, etc.

Basically make a couple small changes each week and build on it. I remember feeling exactly like you do, needing to return to work after a long break and being surrounded by young lovelies at work was the kick up the bum I needed.