My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To encourage dp to get a fwb?

98 replies

LEMtheoriginal · 29/09/2018 19:27

I started a thread in relationships about my lack of labido and how it breaks my heart to keep rejecting dp. The short story is i dont want sex anymore and am thinking about suggesting dp gets a fwb? The poor guy is being rejected daily and also i would love for the affection without the pressure.

Could this work do you think?

OP posts:
Report
gendercritter · 29/09/2018 19:29

I think it would be very very very very hard.

What if he falls in love with them?

What if he gets them pregant?

Catches an sti?

Have you seen a doctor and fully investigated your lack of libido?

Report
Justanotheruser01 · 29/09/2018 19:29

You would need to be absolutely sure in your own head that you can cope with it

Report
EwItsAHooman · 29/09/2018 19:31

I think when you're headed down that path it's probably the beginning of the end for your relationship. There are all sorts of complications that could arise and it's not really fair on anyone involved.

IMO you'd be better off looking at why you don't want sex and how to manage that in your relationship, Relate would be a good place to start.

Report
LEMtheoriginal · 29/09/2018 19:37

I know why i dont want sex. Its due to problems with my coil. I associate sex with worrying symptoms and pain. My coil needs replacing its not providing contraception and i was in AGONY for 45 minutes when they put this one in. Then the after pains were worse than labour. I am a bit of a wuss and cant face that again.

OP posts:
Report
Alpacanorange · 29/09/2018 19:38

Is the pain worse than breaking you dp heart ?

Report
EwItsAHooman · 29/09/2018 19:39

Ask your GP to refer you to the hospital for removal, they can do it while you huff and some gas and air. SIL had to get hers removed this way as it was too painful to have it done at the GP clinic.

Report
NotANotMan · 29/09/2018 19:40

Can't you get the coil removed? And then build up to intimacy and non PIV sex? Surely you want intimacy back if you can?

Report
LordNibbler · 29/09/2018 19:42

You can get a coil put in under sedation. And get strong painkillers for afterwards. My daughter did.
I'd advocate this rather than encourage your husband to get a FWB. For most people sex leads to feelings. How would you feel if he developed feelings, maybe love for her? Do you want to run that risk?

Report
Haireverywhere · 29/09/2018 19:42

Could he get a vasectony if this is due to your coil?

Report
LordNibbler · 29/09/2018 19:43

Sorry, I mean removed.

Report
Haireverywhere · 29/09/2018 19:43

This idea of a fwb seems extreme and risky.

Report
OldShuck · 29/09/2018 19:43

Get the coil removed and your libido will return. Surely you don't want your DP to be intimate and, posdibly, fall in love with someone else.

Report
coconutpie · 29/09/2018 19:44

Isn't the simplest solution just to remove the coil?!

Report
gendercritter · 29/09/2018 19:45

He can't get a vascectomy?

Report
HowlsMovingBungalow · 29/09/2018 19:45

45 mins of pain = DH texting/calling/meeting up/whispering in other womans ear/booking a hotel/ fucking said woman/ and the rest that follows.

Go see your gp and sort out your issues, for your own sake OP.

Report
LEMtheoriginal · 29/09/2018 19:45

I just dont know - right now im relaxed as i feel i have an excuse. If its out or replaced then ihave to do it.

We used to be like rabbits

OP posts:
Report
LEMtheoriginal · 29/09/2018 19:47

Oldshuck i am scared it wont and how cruel is it for me to expect him to live without it?

OP posts:
Report
HowlsMovingBungalow · 29/09/2018 19:47

You don't have to do anything.

Get some professional Help and take it from there.

Dramatic thinking OP.

Report
LEMtheoriginal · 29/09/2018 19:49

Professional help? Im sorry but that feels like the ultimate irony at the moment. Needed tgat for 10 years for mh issues - there simply isnt any help out there

OP posts:
Report
ArtemisWeatherwax · 29/09/2018 19:50

I really don't get this. Why are you jumping straight to this when the issue is contraception? He can sort the contraception. It'd be easier than cheating on you

Report
Dieu · 29/09/2018 19:53

I wouldn't worry, as the constant rejection will spell the death knell to your relationship anyway. Sorry, but it's true.

Report
timeisnotaline · 29/09/2018 19:55

Get the coil out and can you afford some therapy for sex? I’d see a sex therapist if the issue was all me before sending my dp to sleep with other people. And you’d be kidding yourself that he wouldn’t spend more finding and wining and dining one at least a little or paying for sex than some private therapy sessions would cost.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

lovetherisingsun · 29/09/2018 19:56

No, it;s not "your poor DP". You said you've been with this guy for a quarter of a century and he refuses to get the snip. You said he muttered "no surprise there mate" in a side swipe at you. If the act of sex, ie sticking his dick in another woman/man to cum inside means that much to him that he needs a fwb, you guys have a problem. Fine if you're happy for him to do that. Fine if sex in and of itself is what he wants and not you yourself. He just wants something to cum in. Fine. If you're happy with that, let him do it. If not, but you want to keep him, either let him have sex with you (which is wrong on so many mental levels let alone physical), go to your GP to investigate what might be happening, acknowledge that it won't change any time in the forseeable future because you are being forced to be the one to have to be on contraception, or leave and let him stick in whatever he wants.

Report
HowlsMovingBungalow · 29/09/2018 19:59

Clearly don't know back story here. Ho Hum

Report
LEMtheoriginal · 29/09/2018 20:01

He hasnt suggested it. I am considering it. I get to keep my best friend and he gets to have sex. I doubt he'll go for it but pp is right this will kill our relationship.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.