To encourage dp to get a fwb?

[LEMtheoriginal]

I started a thread in relationships about my lack of labido and how it breaks my heart to keep rejecting dp. The short story is i dont want sex anymore and am thinking about suggesting dp gets a fwb? The poor guy is being rejected daily and also i would love for the affection without the pressure.

Could this work do you think?

which can be very unfair on the fwb
Yeah, I was just wondering when someone was going to mention the fwb. An actual person.

yeah im not sure theres that many women who would want to be your sexual substitute without any of the commitment or other benefts to a relationship. Is he some sort of Adonis?

Just spoken to Dp and at first he was dismissive of the idea and made a list of peopme who were candidates - he thought i was joking. Then he was like really? I think hes a bit hurt to be honest

I told him i feel nothing sexually that i hate that andhes like, its ok, i dont need sex and im thinking no but I DO!! Just because im not getting aroused doesnt mean i dont miss the intimacy.

I tried to initiate things this morning and he turned me down. Tit for tat? I asked him and he said he isnt interested if i dont really want it.

We're fucked arent we?

branleuse well he is to me but you may have a point there

Im 99% sure he wouldnt do it so i guess its easy to consider but i just feel so shit for him. For us.

Is it the mirena? That totally fucked my sex drive.

Yes blackout it is. Im on ADs as well and it is noticably worse since then.

i think you sound like i did when I was on antidepressants. I missed so much about sex but I just could not get aroused.
If you do actually miss bits about sex and you want to keep your relationship strong, you owe it to yourself to see if its the medication and the contraception dulling your fire.

It seriously wrecked my sex life. I had zero sex drive.

Maybe a prostitute would be better than a FWB? No emotions involved.

Maybe a prostitute would be better than a FWB?

Seriously?

NotANotMan, why not? there is no danger of a relationship developing and no emotional intimacy involved. So they would still be reserving something special solely within their relationship!

A FWB would probably be the start of the end of the relationship.

No i couldn't countenance a prostitute. That is a disgusting way to treat women tbh. I know i said it but no. On reflection i would lose respect for him.

a prostitute? What the actual fuck?

Hi Lem no your not fucked, lovely girl. It's a toxic combo of rubbish MH, awful meds and, it sounds like pain where you don't need pain. It sounds like your DH is crazy over you, he's been with you through thick and thin see the GP on Thursday to get help with the coil, take it slow, think cuddles and holding hands and doing kind things. You can have a heck of a lot of fun without penetration

Why not, walkingdead? Maybe because you can't guarantee you won't end up with a girl who has been trafficked/is addicted to drugs/hates her 'job'/has only ever known being used sexually since being a child?

Op some anti-depressants can absolutely kill your libido stone dead. Probably a stupid question but could you come off them? Cold water therapy is supposed to be extremely effective for mild depression as a substitute for meds but I appreciate you may not be living with mild depression.

Have you tried couples counselling or is that out of budget?

Because prostitution is rape through economic coercion.

Gender no its not possible i have borderline personality disorder and severe anxiety.

Ugh - my Mirena was absolute agony going in - I almost passed out from the pain, and was in constant pain for 3 months afterwards.

pp is right this will kill our relationship

Not necessarily, but I do think it depends on what age you are. Family friends of ours loved each other to bits. They were inseparable. However, she didn't want sex at all. Ever. They had an agreement that he would find it elsewhere. It worked for them for many decades, and they've been married over 50 years now.

I just want him to be happy tbh. He has put up with so much from me and hes clearly unhappy.

I miss the cuddles.

Hormone contraceptives kill my libido and leave me very anxious - though I keep being told by GP they aren't the cause - over my lifetime it's become very obvious to myself and DH they are.

Anti-depressants and depression itself can also do that- or so friends have told me.

I'd tell the GP – tell them you’re worried about your marriage because of lack of libido – see what options they can come up with and get the coil out to at least rule out it being that.

Habe you told him you miss the cuddles? I'd miss those too

Oh, LEM, I'm not at all surprised you have no libido, purely from the medication perspective. I was on progesterone-based contraceptives for years, and I felt no desire for about that time.

I don't know if this has been posted (couldn't see it), but what about a copper coil, so no hormones? And there are certain ADs that help with sex drive, though I know they're not suitable for everything and they can be hard to get - Wellbutrin being one of them. But perhaps it's worth pushing and pursuing?

I agree totally with Twinkie1. I had my Mirena out and within a week I had also gone from zero libido to chasing DH round the bedroom. I changed shape almost immediately and lost weight over the next few weeks.
The doctor said that could not be the case but it absolutely WAS.

Mirena is a great choice for some women and was good for me for about 2 years and then I got depressed, foggy, thick-waisted and had no interest in sex.
OP start by sorting out your contraception and maybe changing your other medication as ADs kill your libido too.

Beware Mirena. I read the story of a woman on here who had horrendous constant bleeding with it and the doctor said to 'see if settles over SIX MONTHS'. We shouldn't put up with it. It quite simply does not suit some women.