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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not being paranoid am I ?

90 replies

tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:32

Recently started talking to a old friend who I was best friends with for over 10 years.
We were like best friends.
Me and her brother developed feelings for each other but he was in a relationship and had a young child so cut contact before it got worse but both said I love you.
My friend and I were friends after this and my friend knew as her brother used to chat to her about me.
Our friendship ended because she thought if I was in her life he would always "carry a torch" so to speak.
Anyway we have been texting (me and her ) daily for two months and it felt like old times.
I sent her a FB request and she said she had a viral infection so wasn't sure when she would next be on to add me.
Yet she was on her phone ,I also have her uncle on Facebook and she was commenting on his posts (so obviously just ignored my request )
Now she was the one who initiated speaking and has text me loads.
Am I being paranoid in thinking she doesn't want him to know we are chatting again? He is on her FB so he would clearly see.

OP posts:
Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:32

We were like sisters that should have said

OP posts:
iris81 · 28/09/2018 21:41

Yes It sounds like she doesn't want him to know which is understandable. Do you feel that for now you could continue communication without being on fb, perhaps explain you now realise why it might not be the best idea for now?
How long ago was it that you stopped speaking? X

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:42

Yeah we can but that signals for me we are never going to be friends again (as in meet for lunch or shopping )
She's happy to text but that's it.
I don't see what difference it would make him knowing we were friends,I think it's probably her over thinking.

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 28/09/2018 21:42

Did you post about this a couple of weeks ago op?

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:43

We stopped speaking for 2 1/2 years.
Well she did ,she blocked me on everything
Facebook /WhatsApp/Twitter the lot

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/09/2018 21:44

Yes, I'm sure I read it too.

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:44

I did post yes ..at that point I hadn't sent her a fb request
Yesterday I bit the bullet and did it but I had a feeling this would be the outcome.
I think now too eventually she will stop speaking again

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 28/09/2018 21:45

I see it was your other thread from the 11/9. She just doesn’t want to have the same friendship with you. Cut your losses and move on

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:45

A lot of ppl at the time were saying she's probably being polite etc.... but she has text me so much this last week,thought maybe we can be like we were again.

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Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:46

That's what I can't Understand.
Monday we exchanged 31 texts ..and she was making conversation etc ..why do that if you don't want to be friends ?

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 28/09/2018 21:51

If you are friends on FB then her brother will be able to see that unless she's got her settings done properly , that's most likely why.

gothefcktosleep · 28/09/2018 21:51

I think it’s actuslly that she wants to be friends with you

She doesn’t, howvere, want her brother to see you on FB and ignite the flames all over again... Obviously as FB is a messaging service too so you two could start chatting and I suppose she’s trying to keep you away from him. Nothing to do with not wanting to be your friend.

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:53

I just miss the way we were so much.
She has over 800 friends on Facebook,people she wouldn't even chat to on the street .

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 28/09/2018 21:54

Well this is a bit more than the last one, if it got to thr stage of you and him declaring your love for one another, and now you're all thinking it's about him,

You've still got a thing for him haven't you?

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 21:56

There's nothing else it could be about.
We said I love you and that was that.
I don't still have a thing for him.
I've seen him plenty of times out and about whilst I've been with new boyfriend etc.
This is about I don't want to be her "dirty little secret " so to speak

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 28/09/2018 22:09

I think she does want to be friends but doesn't want you and him to be chatting and being friends again because that's what tore you apart the first time.

I'd ask her for a night out or meet up and take it from there.

Bluebolt · 28/09/2018 22:09

Texting is between two people, jumping from that to Facebook is huge when her brother and those close to him will also be included. I keep in touch with my brother ex but would never include her on Facebook due to respect for my family.

Original poster
tina4567 · 28/09/2018 22:29

Me and her brother will never talk again.
She really has nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
Original poster
tina4567 · 29/09/2018 08:48

Still hasn't accepted FB request
Think that gives me the answer I need.

OP posts:
Bluebolt · 29/09/2018 11:33

It really doesn’t, she probably does not to make her brother feel awkward when he posts on her timeline. Sometimes it’s not about you at all.

Original poster
tina4567 · 29/09/2018 12:44

Why would he feel awkward? He wouldn't even know I was on her list unless he looked through her friends list or I commented on a post.
There's no logical reason why she won't add me.

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WheelOfMisfortune · 29/09/2018 12:48

Why does it matter OP? It’s Facebook.

I imagine she really misses your friendship, hence why she is texting so much, but is prioritising her brothers feelings- which she should.

You can keep texting and maybe meet for a coffee- be friends again in a slightly different way than you used to. But you have to accept that she will keep you ‘secret’ to protect her brothers feelings- and she is fully entitled to do that.

Can you not be friends without being Facebook friends? I don’t know why thats important to you. Are you quite young?

Original poster
tina4567 · 29/09/2018 12:49

Its not just Facebook.
I've suggested meeting for a cuppa and she changed the subject.
It's like she wants to speak to be but just by text so it's between us.
It makes me extremely sad that we will never have a day out together.

OP posts:
Original poster
tina4567 · 29/09/2018 12:51

It's been two years since me and him even spoke.
It's all gone now whatever we had(or could have had)
It's a shame that has totally wrecked a good friendship.
Would seeing my name on Facebook really be such a hardship for him?
I don't think so.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/09/2018 12:57

You need to move on. Everyone’s said it here. She doesn’t want that same friendship. You can say it’ll all be fine you’ve moved on and don’t feel the same about her brother all you like.

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