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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunk Husband....

100 replies

CornishMumma01 · 28/09/2018 04:06

Mummies I need your advise.

We went over to FIL house for BBQ this evening. DH always drinks when we go out so I am left driving (I'm not a big drinker anyway but it would be nice to be asked!). We arrived at 6pm ish and DH wouldn't stop drinking and talking (most people had left, gone to bed or fallen asleep listening to him) and we finally left at about 3AM!!! We have a 12 week old DD to think about.

All he did the whole night was moan about me, the baby, the house. We said I sit around on my fat ass watching tv all day amongst other things. I could see people thinking he's being out of order but he get angry when he's drunk.

We finally got home he collapsed on the sofa but on top of DH makeshift bed and my bed (we sleep in the sofa so he can get a good nights sleep for work). I asked him to move, I admit I was altogether nice about it as I was pissed off at home while I had to bring in the baby in her car seat, the bag, gifts from family friends,l and see to the dogs. He refused to move slurring some more insults at me. I eventually man handled him off the sofa but he was now on the floor. He was throwing his arms around and whacked me glasses off my face which landed in his eye. OMG he started getting shitting saying I punched him in the face and told me if I touched him he'd 'launch me across the room'. More insults were thrown in too.

I've not gone upstairs to sleep with DD and the dogs (as they ran off scared) and left him downstairs where I can hear him throwing stuff. I'm sure I'll have to make sure the house is tidy for tomorrow when his mum turns up! DD also has her jabs in the morning at 8:50 SadSadSad

What should I do in the morning? I'm so kissed off with him but I know how much he turns arguments around and I am never allowed to be angry and I can feel it bubbling it inside me after every argument. 12 years of holding it in is going to turn me mental

X

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 28/09/2018 04:12

Call the police now

MrsStrowman · 28/09/2018 04:12

He's drunk, trashing the house and has been violent to you, you have a very small baby in the house

RollerJed · 28/09/2018 04:15

He was bad mouthing you at the party? And now he's drunk and still being abusive? I've not said this before but I would LTB.

BusterGonad · 28/09/2018 04:16

He sounds like a complete and utter dick. You deserve better. I'm not understanding the sofa sleep arrangments!

sofato5miles · 28/09/2018 04:21

Police

NewYoiker · 28/09/2018 04:25

Definitely police

HelenMummyof2 · 28/09/2018 04:26

Sounds like a total idiot. If he’s still trashing things call the police, this is domestic abuse. His behaviour is Totally unacceptable and you need to leave or get him to. Do you have support around you?

Moody123 · 28/09/2018 04:31

You need to call the police if he's still throwing things.
I'm so sorry OP x

Blondebakingmumma · 28/09/2018 04:32

Don’t you dare clean up his mess. If he doesn’t want his mum to see he can do it himself. He is an abusive twat. Do you really want your child exposed to this? Be strong think about what you want for your future

Mummadeeze · 28/09/2018 04:33

Poor you, that sounds awful. My partner gets insulting and unpleasant when he is drunk but luckily only drinks once in a blue moon. I think the best thing to do in the short term is stay out of his way, do not engage with him at all and let him sleep it off. Do not try to tackle him when he is tired and grumpy with a hangover first thing either. Go about your life, thinking about yourself and your baby. But once he is sober and caught up on sleep you need to have a proper chat with him about his drinking and how he is treating you when drunk. If he won’t accept responsibility and stop drinking and this is a regular issue you are going to have to think of a get out plan because bringing your child up in an environment like the one you have faced tonight is wrong. Plus, it isn’t good for you or your self esteem either.

positivepixie · 28/09/2018 04:36

12 years of holding it in? Let it out and start making arrangements to leave or throw him out. You do not need him, plan a life where you and your DD can be happy without living under a cloud.

I'd have left him at the party the minute he said anything about me sitting on my 'fat ass'. He clearly has no respect for you.

Talia99 · 28/09/2018 04:46

So he hit you in the face causing your glasses to fly off and threatened to hit you again, he’s trashing the house, he verbally abuses you both in public and in private and he makes you sleep on the sofa so he can ‘get a good night’s sleep’.

Why are you with this man?

I would seriously suggest calling the police but I am aware that is a nuclear option. If you don’t want to do that, I still agree you need to leave. Don’t bother arguing with him - I’m sure he will manage to make this all your fault (with men like this it always is).

MrsMotherHen · 28/09/2018 04:51

call the police and get him removed from the house its not fair on you and your baby then leave the disrespectful piece of shit.

Lazypoolday · 28/09/2018 04:51

Hes an asshole and if he keeps trashing the place, call the police. He is drunk and violent and not safe to be around a young baby.

(Also, I know it's unrelated to the topic but you said "we sleep on the sofa". If you mean you and the baby sleep there that's unsafe, if you are going to co sleep it needs to be in a bed with no pillows or duvets)

Moody123 · 28/09/2018 05:00

Please don't clean up the mess in the morning, he has to do it, or his mum can see what he is like x

thewinehasgonetomyhead · 28/09/2018 05:00

You need to call the police and he needs to go. Or your need to pack a bag and leave with your baby asap preferably before he wakes up. Do you have some family you can stay with? Sorry OP, you and your baby deserve better.

thewinehasgonetomyhead · 28/09/2018 05:02

And I agree with the others, don’t clear up the mess, please. His mum can see it and he can also see it too. Maybe he genuinely doesn’t realise how bad he gets when he’s been drinking. No excuse, he sounds like a prize twat.

Uncreative · 28/09/2018 05:03

Don’t leave it until the morning. Call the police now. Yes, it is a hassle but....he has threatened you and he is trashing the house. You need to report this. Start a paper trail because, frankly, I think you are going to need it. It is highly unlikely that he will change his behavior. He is going to do this again. It is highly likely to escalate to more violent behavior and you will get to the point of wanting to leave him. You may not be at that point yet but you will in the future. Make it easier for yourself and call the police now instead of hiding upstairs.

JustJoinedRightNow · 28/09/2018 05:06

Could you consider calling your FIL and MIL for help with him? That way they get to also see it first hand (in case they don’t believe you when you eventually leave because of this)
Just say you need FIL’s hell dealing with him as he’s trashing the house and you’re locked in the bedroom with the baby and dogs because you’re scared. Tell them if they don’t come to help the next call is the police.

JustJoinedRightNow · 28/09/2018 05:06
  • help not hell
Jellyjumpers · 28/09/2018 05:07

Do you sleep on the sofa every night?

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 28/09/2018 05:15

His behaviour in inexcusable OP and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this!
He’s hit you in the face (albeit accidentally) but threatened you with more violence, is always verbally aggressive and is now trashing the house. And he’s been like this for 12 years?? I don’t think calling the police is an over reaction.
I’ll admit in your place I would probably hesitate but the suggestion to call your PIL for help dealing with their aggressive son is a good one (so they can see what he’s like as well as getting some support!)
He sounds horrendous OP and not the sort of person you want around your baby - maybe now you have this little human to think about, it is the time to reconsider your future with him. Lots of love 💕

KC225 · 28/09/2018 05:15

Has this been going on for 12 years OP? You must end this. His lack of respect and decency is unlikely to improve. I agree with the others, do not clean up his mess. Clean up your mess - HIM. This is not a healthy environment for you or your baby.

JustHavinABreak · 28/09/2018 05:20

OP hasn't posted in over an hour. Hope she's ok

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 28/09/2018 05:37

OP, you need out of this relationship. What sort of man makes his wife and baby sleep on the settee so he can get a good nights sleep!!

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