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Original poster

Drunk Husband....

100 replies

CornishMumma01 · 28/09/2018 04:06

Mummies I need your advise.

We went over to FIL house for BBQ this evening. DH always drinks when we go out so I am left driving (I'm not a big drinker anyway but it would be nice to be asked!). We arrived at 6pm ish and DH wouldn't stop drinking and talking (most people had left, gone to bed or fallen asleep listening to him) and we finally left at about 3AM!!! We have a 12 week old DD to think about.

All he did the whole night was moan about me, the baby, the house. We said I sit around on my fat ass watching tv all day amongst other things. I could see people thinking he's being out of order but he get angry when he's drunk.

We finally got home he collapsed on the sofa but on top of DH makeshift bed and my bed (we sleep in the sofa so he can get a good nights sleep for work). I asked him to move, I admit I was altogether nice about it as I was pissed off at home while I had to bring in the baby in her car seat, the bag, gifts from family friends,l and see to the dogs. He refused to move slurring some more insults at me. I eventually man handled him off the sofa but he was now on the floor. He was throwing his arms around and whacked me glasses off my face which landed in his eye. OMG he started getting shitting saying I punched him in the face and told me if I touched him he'd 'launch me across the room'. More insults were thrown in too.

I've not gone upstairs to sleep with DD and the dogs (as they ran off scared) and left him downstairs where I can hear him throwing stuff. I'm sure I'll have to make sure the house is tidy for tomorrow when his mum turns up! DD also has her jabs in the morning at 8:50 SadSadSad

What should I do in the morning? I'm so kissed off with him but I know how much he turns arguments around and I am never allowed to be angry and I can feel it bubbling it inside me after every argument. 12 years of holding it in is going to turn me mental

X

OP posts:
Easynow · 28/09/2018 07:32

I'm sure I'll have to make sure the house is tidy for tomorrow when his mum turns up!

No you wont. Let her see what her son has done to you, your baby & dogs.

Then get her to pack his fucking stuff.

FFS.

eddielizzard · 28/09/2018 07:32

Well firstly, DON'T clean up any mess. Let his mum see what he's done. Let him see what he's done. Let him clean it up.

You're never allowed to be angry, and if you clean it up you clean up the justification for your anger. I wouldn't say a word to him, I would just refuse to deal with it.

Secondly, he is abusive. This isn't good for you or your baby. I would start investigating options.

Easynow · 28/09/2018 07:35

BTW next time he decides to throw stuff around, it will be you, your baby or your dogs.

Which one would you like to see physically shaking in fear?

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 28/09/2018 07:39

@JustHavinABreak

It's not visit blaming. She didn't cause this. She's not the violent or abusive one. BUT SHE HAS A CHILD TO LOOK AFTER.

There comes a point where you need to say it is not about you, it's about the child. She has had 12 years to leave for her own sake but she never found the strength. Now she has a new baby, there will be a million more excuses to stay. Too tired, need the money, don't want to risk the boat etc etc. But none of that matters. What matters is getting the kid out of there. She wouldn't leave for herself; many women don't. It's understandable. But it is not understandable to put your child through that life. Someone needs to be responsible for the baby and right now it needs to be her. That means leaving for the baby. And she needs someone to say it.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 28/09/2018 07:40

*victim
*rock the boat

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 28/09/2018 07:41
  • BTW next time he decides to throw stuff around, it will be you, your baby or your dogs.

Which one would you like to see physically shaking in fear?*

Quite extreme words here, but my God so so true! Really think about that OP. Once a boundary has been over stepped, even if you show him your anger, make him clear it all up and he says sorry. That boundary has been broken, it will happen again and again and will get worse.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 28/09/2018 07:42

In real life, i'd hold her hand and give her a hug and give her a place to stay. I've done that before. But I would be saying the same thing. Get the child out of there.

But online advise doesn't come with a hug.

MrsMozart · 28/09/2018 07:50

Bloody hell lass. That's no way to live.

I hope you're safe.

Please, start making plans and arrangements to get out.

Laiste · 28/09/2018 07:55

Hope you're OK OP Flowers

Armadillostoes · 28/09/2018 07:56

OP-I am just echoing what others have said. Please take care of your baby, your dogs and yourself. This situation is not your fault BUT you do have the power to change it. This man is violent-the situation is NOT okay and if you let it continue it will get worse. It isn't right or safe to allow your tiny baby or your innocent pets to be in the house with a man who could do this, even once. They are in real danger. And whatever evil crap he may have convinced you to the contrary-you also deserve a lot, lot better!

JustHavinABreak · 28/09/2018 07:57

@Fiffyshadesofgreymatter

Smile I think you're one of the good ones

Oysterbabe · 28/09/2018 07:57

How are things this morning OP?

JustHavinABreak · 28/09/2018 07:59

@Fiffyshadesofgreymatter I'm sorry if I came across too harshly. This one hits close to the bone (though no, I have a very lovely DH)

Unfinishedkitchen · 28/09/2018 08:08

Hope you’re ok but I don’t know what you want anyone to say. He was like this for 12 years before you had kids and then you chose to have a baby with him making it harder to leave.

angieloumc · 28/09/2018 08:08

I hope you are alright this morning OP. You really do need to get away from this man, please contact Women's Aid if you can, they will help you.

AniSL · 28/09/2018 08:09

OP I hope you are ok, pack up some stuff and go stay with family or something for a while. Have a conversation with him in a public place where there is no chance of alcohol being consumed and lay it on the line what a dick he is and what he has done. If alcohol has been his problem over the years, he needs to accept help or things will just get worse. If alcohol hasn't been a problem and hes just a complete prick, he needs to get himself on a DV programme but you need to not be around him for yours and DDs sake

Fevertree · 28/09/2018 08:11

How are you op? X

dingdongdigeridoo · 28/09/2018 08:58

Judging by your other threads this isn’t just a one off. It’s a pattern of abusive behaviour. Please take the advice on this thread and get out of there.

longwayoff · 28/09/2018 09:08

Revolting. Take a hard look at your life. Is this how you imagined life would be? No, of course not. This is how it is and it will become progressively more so. Do what you need to do.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 28/09/2018 09:13

@JustHavinABreak

A close friend of mine ended up in a relationship like this. It was always "oh, it's only when he drinks" and then it became "its only if I talk back to him". And went on and on. No amount of begging, supporting or helping would make her stay away and her kids were terrified of him. It took a couple of us telling her we'd have to report it or her kids could live with one of us if she refused to leave. We didn't exactly want to leave her to live like that but even physically removing her... She's always go back. The only thing that got her away in the end was the thought of losing her kids or of them growing up to be like him. If we'd been harsher sooner, maybe she'd have left sooner.

MatildaTheCat · 28/09/2018 09:16

Leave him. Nobody will be surprised. After last night you’d be more than justified in sending him away with his DM. Do NOT tidy up for her.

Later reflect on why you enabled this for so long- not blaming you at all, you just need to understand why this pattern has become normal and ‘ok’ enough for you.

chipsandgin · 28/09/2018 09:17

Hope you’re ok OP, really hope you didn’t clear up the mess. Totally agree with most of the previous posters. The abuse you are suffering has become normalised. If, as your username suggests, you are in Cornwall then please visit this website & give them a call, they can help & can advise you:

www.cwrt.org.uk

(Cornwall Women’s Refuge)

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/09/2018 09:42

FIL will be aware what an arse he (DH) is because of all the drinking and hurling insults that happened at FIL house .

Does MIL live with FIL? Is she aware what he's like?
If so, you might not get much help from that corner.

Sounds like the glasses knocking was when he was being rolled off the sofa , but the aggression and threats are another issue.

Can you get him out?
Or get yourself and the baby out?
And the dogs?

Justanothernameonthepage · 28/09/2018 09:57

I hope your DD had her jabs and that why you've been too busy to return to the thread rather than the possibility it got much much worse after you last posted.
Please tell your GP what's happening. Ask for help. Save yourself and your baby.

Sparklyfee · 28/09/2018 10:41

I've seen some of your previous threads. A week or so ago you said you were already trying for baby number 2. This is deeply worrying. Please don't bring another child into this situation

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