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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to moan if my ex cuts child support by £50 a month?

80 replies

seanchai · 27/09/2018 14:15

My ex-H was always tight with money.
Now he's married and expecting a new baby, he's told me he's cutting my son's child support by £50 a month.
My boy is 14 and needs man sized clothes and shoes and he wants to go out more, so needs pocket money.
We only had a verbal agreement on the money and I don't know how much he earns, so I don't know how much my boy is due, but we've had the same agreement for twelve years.
Do I just accept people's circumstances change and we all have to budget, or do I take him on about it?
And if so, how do I deal with it if he won't agree (which he really won't!)

OP posts:
Bluelady · 27/09/2018 14:20

Maybe your son could earn his pocket money? He's old enough for a part time job, he could easily earn more than £50 a month.

AamdC · 27/09/2018 14:20

Does he give you more than the CMS minimum? Thing is if you went through the CMS they would take into account the new baby .

Thehop · 27/09/2018 14:21

Depends entirely on his wage and what the cut would leave.

Can you make an educated guess and go on the online calculator

tequilasunset · 27/09/2018 14:22

I think the answer to this depends on how much he will actually still be paying after the £50 reduction.

Redken24 · 27/09/2018 14:22

What's his job?
When we had our child it only decreased cms payments by a fiver a week. X

PinkHeart5914 · 27/09/2018 14:23

Why should a 14 year old have to earn the money because dad has got another woman pregnant? If you can’t afford a new baby without taking money off the dc you already have then you know what put a sodding condom on the end of it ffs.

I wouldn’t accept the change at all OP, I’d be telling him in no uncertain terms the maintence wasn’t changing as the son you share together still costs the same to raise and in all honesty the new baby isn’t really your problem.....

HolesinTheSoles · 27/09/2018 14:24

What does he pay now and what do you estimate he earns (presumably you at least know if he's a low/medium/high earner?)

Original poster
seanchai · 27/09/2018 14:25

He's a head of dept in a secondary school and he has a sports camp business in the holidays.

OP posts:
Redken24 · 27/09/2018 14:26

What does he pay you then?

Original poster
seanchai · 27/09/2018 14:28

He's been paying 320 a month for years. I think he raised it by 20 a month when the boy went to secondary school, so I guess I've been quite lucky so far?? I guess it's more than many people get - if they get anything. I just don't know whether to accept it with out a moan!

OP posts:
Bluelady · 27/09/2018 14:30

It would do a 14 year old no harm to earn his pocket money. Thousands of kids do, it teaches them the value of money. Anyway, I'm not going to derail the thread by arguing about it.

Original poster
seanchai · 27/09/2018 14:30

Bluelady - I don't want him working as I already let him go to his Dad's wed and Sundays - when would I see him?!

Plus he has a lot of school work.

OP posts:
Original poster
seanchai · 27/09/2018 14:31

Thehop - yes I'll have a look at the online calculator - it won't be accurate, but at least I'll have some idea.

OP posts:
Sunshinegirl82 · 27/09/2018 14:32

I would go on the CMS calculator and make an educated guess as to his income then take a view from there. It also depends on how many nights DS spends with exH.

JagerPlease · 27/09/2018 14:43

It all sounds broadly in line with cms rates, on a guess that he earns £45-50k and has DS 1-2 nights a week. Paying £50 less a month on that kind of salary is pretty close to what Cms would reduce it by. However, if his salary is significantly above that then he's been underpaying. (I'm making the guess on the basis a HOD would generally start around the £40k range)

mrsm43s · 27/09/2018 14:58

I think it sounds as though he's paying about the right amount based on an average HoD salary.

Whilst the £50 a month cut seems harsh, in fact CMS will reduce your entitlement based on ex having another child to support.

Your options are to accept it, to try to negotiate with exH, or to get the CMS to do a calculation.

I'd probably be inclined to accept it, on the basis that its in the right ballpark, and its generally a good idea to keep on amicable terms with your son's father. That said, I don't think you'd be unreasonable to refer it to CMS if you were inclined to do so.

DocHQ · 27/09/2018 14:59

I don't get how they reduce it if he has a child, but his partner's earnings aren't taken into account. (This isn't so much about your case, just in general).

Going through CMS was just easier for me. No-one doubts anyone of fairness etc.

CatLadyToddlerMother · 27/09/2018 15:12

CMS calculator based on £35k which is what a HOD gets around here (midlands) suggests £67 a week which is £268 a month so your getting more than CMS say he should pay.

Mrscog · 27/09/2018 15:16

'Why should a 14 year old have to earn the money because dad has got another woman pregnant? If you can’t afford a new baby without taking money off the dc you already have then you know what put a sodding condom on the end of it ffs. '

PinkHeart that doesn't make sense? If that were true then everyone should only ever have one child?!

RayneDash · 27/09/2018 15:18

Head of year would be about 30k a year maybe?

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 27/09/2018 15:19

HOD on top of the upper pay scale would be on a lot more than 30 k

SillySallySingsSongs · 27/09/2018 15:21

I would say he is probably paying more than you would get through CMS based on His salaries around here.

SillySallySingsSongs · 27/09/2018 15:21

HoD

Mrskeats · 27/09/2018 15:21

Nearer 50k for head of year in a big school Rayne

Mrskeats · 27/09/2018 15:23

Why don't you just go through CMS? When a baby is born maintenance will decrease