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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to moan if my ex cuts child support by £50 a month?

80 replies

seanchai · 27/09/2018 14:15

My ex-H was always tight with money.
Now he's married and expecting a new baby, he's told me he's cutting my son's child support by £50 a month.
My boy is 14 and needs man sized clothes and shoes and he wants to go out more, so needs pocket money.
We only had a verbal agreement on the money and I don't know how much he earns, so I don't know how much my boy is due, but we've had the same agreement for twelve years.
Do I just accept people's circumstances change and we all have to budget, or do I take him on about it?
And if so, how do I deal with it if he won't agree (which he really won't!)

OP posts:

averythinline · 27/09/2018 15:23

I think thats quite low esp if he earns in the holidays as well...HOD are well paid

I would tell him you are going to CMS as they will take all his income into account.....and you will at least know where you stand...
I think its shocking he;s paying less what sort of message does that send to DS as well....

MadameJosephine · 27/09/2018 16:25

Threads like this make me so sad, there are so many fathers out there keen to pay the absolute minimum to support their children. The CMS calculator probably would reduce the minimum payment but that doesn’t mean he has to, it’s not a race to the bottom

Original poster

seanchai · 27/09/2018 16:26

Thanks everyone. Averythinline you hit the nail on the head. Money isn't a major problem...we'll survive even though i wont be able to afford everything, but I do worry DS will feel he's second best.

OP posts:

Oneinthegrave · 27/09/2018 16:30

I think you’re projecting, what makes you think your son will feel second best? People move on and have babies all the time. If you was the parent having another baby, you would need to proportion your income out between both children, that’s what your Ex is doing.

Very fair IMO

Oneinthegrave · 27/09/2018 16:34

Also in response to what averythinline said- what message does it send to DS that his DF is paying DM slightly less because he has another child who he cares about the same amount, and is equally responsible for. Why would she tell DS that he’s paying less? A child wouldn’t understand, and any mother that uses how much their ex pays (with exception of very little to nothing) to hurt a child, has massive issues

SillySallySingsSongs · 27/09/2018 16:35

but I do worry DS will feel he's second best.

Only if you project if they way.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/09/2018 16:36

Can you be honest with Dc's Dad about what difference that money will make? So if he drops that and you pay all school uniform can he help with school uniform when it comes up etc?

Original poster

seanchai · 27/09/2018 16:43

Oneinthegrave that's naive. I need to explain why I can't afford things. I hope you're not suggesting I have 'massive issues' or that I would use this to hurt him. Plus he's 14 and switched on.

OP posts:

Snappedandfarted2018 · 27/09/2018 16:51

Tbh I don’t think £320 quid is tight tbh. I get £140 for DS.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 27/09/2018 16:52

Surely you can afford things for ds with £270 plus 80 for cb? Teenagers are as expensive as you want them to be tbh something you have to cut you’re cloth accordingly.

Oneinthegrave · 27/09/2018 16:53

Why are you relying on child maintenance? If your ex lost his job or had to claim sick pay for a period of time you’d be screwed. I’m not saying you have issues, if you was to tell DS his DF is paying less because he has a ‘new baby’ that would hurt him. Babies cost money I would be explaining facts. I dont get why you think he would feel second best because his dad cant afford to pay as much maintenance? Surely he’ll be excited about having a sibling

Oneinthegrave · 27/09/2018 16:54

Babies are more expensive than teenagers

Original poster

seanchai · 27/09/2018 16:59

Babies more expensive than teenagers.....

Hmmm.

OP posts:

Allegorical · 27/09/2018 16:59

I would say he’s looked at the calculator himself and adjusted accordingly. But I bet he hasn’t counted his extra business.
Personally I think it’s a bit heartless to drop it by £50 all of a sudden. Your sons costs don’t go down all of a sudden.
I would ask for details of everything he earns so you can work out the percentages he owes and if he doesn’t threaten CMS as you don’t know if you are being short changed and shouldn’t be forced to guess/hope he is paying what he owes.

SillySallySingsSongs · 27/09/2018 17:03

I would ask for details of everything he earns so you can work out the percentages he owes and if he doesn’t threaten CMS as you don’t know if you are being short changed and shouldn’t be forced to guess/hope he is paying what he owes.

As long as OP is willing to accept even less if CMS come back that he is 'overpaying' as a few have said he could be given his job. Those sorts of tactics don't always go your way.

adaline · 27/09/2018 17:10

Babies are more expensive than teenagers

In what way?! Teenagers eat more, need adult-sized clothes and shoes, need adult portions/tickets when going out anywhere, need things like mobile phones, laptops/tablets for school. Babies really aren't that expensive - childcare might be, but babies themselves don't cost that much!

rainingcatsanddog · 27/09/2018 17:11

Babies are more expensive than teenagers

Only if they are in childcare.

rainingcatsanddog · 27/09/2018 17:12

As someone said it sounds like he pays based on his primary job salary only.

IStandWithPosie · 27/09/2018 17:14

Babies are more expensive than teenagers

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Drummingisfun · 27/09/2018 17:17

Tlr for a head of dept depends on size of school amd subject. Core subjects (maths, science, english) usually more, around 8k. Smaller subjects as low as 4k. If he's been teaching say 10 years it's not unreasonable to think that he would be ups2 or ups3, which equates to about £37-40k assuming he's not in London. So adding the two together means he probably earns 40-48k assuming he lives outside London.

HowCanThisBeRight · 27/09/2018 17:20

My teenager costs alot more than my baby. I can buy a baby outfit for say £30, that's the price of a t shirt for teen. Adult size trainers when they want what their mates have =£100+... Hugely mistaken.

Op if you know a rough idea of his wage then Google the cms calculator. They will only reduce it by a couple of quid a week for having a baby. (my ex did)
When we had our baby, dp didn't change the figure to his ex, even tho the calculations went down in their eyes.

Allegorical · 27/09/2018 17:43

Silly sally why should she have to guess though?. If he is overpaying fine but she doesn’t know that. Child maintenance through the cms is also the minimum. It doesn’t mean you can’t pay more. I would like to think a decent father would pay more than the legal minimum required.

Rosie342 · 27/09/2018 17:46

I'd be fuming. Just because he's having another child doesn't mean his financial responsibility to the child he already has dwindles.

Mrskeats · 27/09/2018 17:48

Cms calculation will go down if he has more children though

MyHusbandSaysIHave1000MNNames · 27/09/2018 17:51

You don't need to explain to your son why you can't afford things when he asks you why tell him to ask his father.

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