I usually keep my mouth shut when he appears controlling (and he is), down to whether I should give dc1 (3.5) a piece of cheese before she has a piece of ham first. He would look at me with stares then say at breakfast table “I have prepared ham for her her (pointing at his plate), I wanted her to finish her bread first” (unbeknown to me I had given her a piece of cheese as she asked for it, then he’d get annoyed.. I’ve stopped giving her food as he’s so controlling and bossy about it. It truly wears me down. Thing is, he’s very happy with our life. He says it quite often we have such a beautiful family and we have a nice house, nice life.
We got a job abroad (think Saudi Arabia like). We now live here. I feel restrained, like trapped in a golden cage. I love my DCs. I suppose it’s not a bad life, but I’m unhappy with our marriage.
In this marriage, I do all the domestic work (well actually I delegate them to housestaff). Anyhow, I try to explain to my husband I’m not that happy here but he thinks I’m ungrateful.
Every day I think of leaving him but never really get around to it.
I suppose I’m just ranting. I need an outlet.
The expatriate community is so small here, I wouldn’t trust I could talk to somebody (a friend) and it not being the gossip of town..
I suppose I also resent the fact that this summer we went back to Europe (we holidayed in France) to see his almost adult sons and he acted like a misogynistic sexist fool the whole time. He would say to his oldest son “check the girl out huh” (girl with revealing top) in a totally cringeworthy way. I’d constantly tell him off as our 3 year old is a girl and she’s started absorbing people’s way of speaking. He’d almost start racing with older ladies saying “look at this hag in a porche i bet i can race faster than her hahaha (with a cruel laugh) with my 3 yr old in the car. He’s a total disney dad, totally inappropriate, that’s because he wants them to like him and he’d never tell them off about anything.
I guess I don’t like him very much. It was a very very long two weeks holiday. I didn’t enjoy it one bit. I had also asked if his sons wanted to go diving, they said yes. So I did my research and contacted diving school emailed back and forth, paid etc.. only for them to say “I don’t feel like diving” only the day before.
In fact they didn’t feel like doing anything except for being on their phones all day.. in the beautiful south of France! They only wanted to sleep in to 12 and do nothing, and my husband said let them and told me off for booking so many activities for them. When I was that age I enjoyed sailing and doing activities, I don’t remember being so passive. Anyway, my husband told me off for pressuring them to go sailing when I simply wanted them to get out more than just staying in the Airbnb rooms all day! It created resentment as my husband was too scared to tell them to do anything.
He also not once told them to help us with putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher! Basically he expected me to do everything during the holidays!
His oldest has ADHD and aspergers so he can’t really read people so well. He was also mean on purpose to my 3 yr old (laughing cruelly, doing mean things to make her cry). He’s 17. I was quite stressed the whole holiday.
Now in September I just feel I’ve lost all respect for my husband.
Aibu to leave him?