My husband and my weightx

[Bebub]

Morning ladies,
I need some outside perspective. so im 5 foot 9 and when I met my husband in my late 20s when I was a size 8-10. I was out a lot as a mature student and skiped lots of meals. Fast forward 7 years we have two lovely children, ages 4 and 1, both which were very difficult pregnancies, I'm only just coming out of PND now. I've gone up two dress sizes to a 12-14 and my husband brings up my weight gain on a daily basis. He says he will definitely will not find me attractive if I gain anymore weight and he certainly won't be happy if I stay the same size. I'm incredibly hurt by his comments. He barely touches me in or outside the bedroom and he doesn't think I'm good at anything apart from being a mum. It's really draining my self worth, I've said to him this is who I am and he thinks it's just a cop out. His friends told him his standards were too high when looking for a girlfriend but he said he waited till someone right came along. Now it appears I'm not good enough.
He thinks he's not said anything wrong and that we should just aim to be better versions of ourselves. I've only just slipped into the overweight section in the BMI but I feel happier now than I have done in years. I've tried running 5k for 6monrths and my weight stayed the same. Is this just my post baby body? If so I'm happy with that but he won't accept it.

Thanks in advance !

The OP’s H in that thread was obese and there were other issues.

Every single day on mumsnet there is a post from someone who is married and has had children with, an arsehole.
They write their post as if it's just a minor thing, and never seem to have contemplated not staying with him. They write from a position of - what should I do to change myself for my husband.
Fuck that. This isn't a way to live op. Your husband is an awful horrible person. Married couples are in love and support each other, not belittle and make the other one feel like shit.
Get rid.

A male friend, going out with a mutual female friend, once commented on a picture of a (thin) model, that her arms looked fat! We were

What an utter wanker your H is!

Tell him you’ll lose 15 stone immediately by booting his sorry arse right out of the door!

He sounds absolutely hideous!

I was a size 12-14 when I met my DH 11 years ago after 2 pregnancies I am now a size 16-18 and tbh when we got married after only 1 pregnancy I was a size 18-20, he still loves me exactly the way I am and still married me when I was at my largest I have ever been, the look he gave me on our wedding day let's me know that he did.
If he can't get past your weight, it is his problem not yours and it sounds like you will be better to LTB for your own mental health (and I never say that).

You sound fine OP 12-14 at your height is not fat at all!
I m that size now and almost your height I think I look better than 5 years ago when I dieted right down to a size 8. Felt awful and everyone asked if I was ill. Also as you are being too thin can make you look older and unwell.
Tell him this is you now. You're a mum who needs to be healthy to take care of dc and it would be nice if he could be supportive adult.
Otherwise he could get a blow up doll. Tell him they never age or change weight and best of all they don't have opinions like every normal adult woman.
You're worth more OP.

Woah. I'm your height and only just back to a 14 (where I normally hover) 2 years after giving birth. At one year postnatal I was 14 stone - it wasn't until I got more sleep, help for PND and breastfeeding calmed down that I was able to lose weight. You're more than normal. The whole 'be the best versions of ourselves' schtick should apply to your happiness and fulfillment, not someone else's oppressive body standard...

"He did marry someone a certain size and that person has changed"

Oh i love answering these types of comments. I was 19 stone the day i married DH I went up to 21 stone ..............then i lost 10 stone. Now going by your train of thought i should put all that back on if DH decides that he married a person of a certain size and ive changed.

Give your head a wobble Peony FFS!

These types of men will never admit the role they play in women devoloping eating disorders either Its not all the fault of magazines.

He did marry someone a certain size and that person has changed

Only a complete moron would get married and have kids with someone without realising that they may age and get fatter over time (and especially after pregnancy).

When I married DH I was 24. Size 8. Perky tits and shiny hair and young skin and all that. I'm 37 now. Size 16. The sort of breasts you have after spending 7.5 years breastfeeding. Rapidly greying hair, a bloody beard attempting to grow, thr3ad veins all over my chest, you get the idea.
DH loves me and fancies me and tells me so all the time. I married a man who isn't so stupid as to think life and time would have no effect on my body, who values me for far more than my looks and who for some reason genuinely thinks I look good. You deserve the same from your partner.

Your husband is an utter arsewipe. I would consider dumping him after that bollocks.

I presume he is the perfect specimen of the male physique???

You do need to lose weight...about 15 stone of husband.

I was a size 12 when I met my husband and went up to a 16 while pregnant and down to a 6 with a thyroid problem and not once has he ever made me feel anything less than adored and attractive and certainly hasn't made me feel like a lesser person for gaining or losing weight. I'd honestly consider ending the relationship, because his behaviour isn't acceptable. What a vile man.

You've had PND and he thinks that saying these things are going to help you?

What a cruel, deliberately hurtful person he is. That would be the clincher for me, not just that he is commenting on a body that has only 12 months ago, grown and birthed a human being, but that he is being deliberately cruel in an effort to bully you into doing something about your weight.

Only YOU get to decide if you want to do something about your weight, not him. Given that you're married to him, I appreciate that it would be nigh on impossible to leave him (lets not pretend it's a simple as LTB shall we?) because the first thing you need to tackle and build up is your confidence.

I went down this road before with a boyfriend (and no kids), so it was easier for me to put my plan into action. I lost the weight, refused to have sex with him (because I was "so tired from working out") and then ditched him for someone hotter. The taste of his own medicine made it totally worth it.

I was married to this man.

Eventually I went on a really strict diet. Was thinner and lighter than ever before. But nothing was good enough. He said things like fat weighs less than muscle. Colleagues at work kept saying I was too thin.

He got more and more controlling, not just about food.

My self esteem crumbled.

Eventually left 6 months ago and life is now a million times better.

Good luck xx

I had a boyfriend like this. I was young and slim and gorgeous. Ultimately, he hated that so he was a negger - he always found some way to put me down and be negative to me in order to try to erode my self-esteem so he could control me. If it wasn't my weight, it was my skin (I used to have acne on my back), my clothes, etc. Basically he was an emotionally abusive cunt and I'm so glad I saw the light and dumped his ugly soul before I wasted too much time.

Hey op. I hope this thread has been more enlightening than it’s been upsetting.

12-14 is completely normal for someone of your height. What is absolutely not normal is for your husband to be trying to control your weight and judging you for what you look like. Tell him to fuck off, seriously OP before your self esteem is completely shot to pieces and you lose touch with the reality of what is normal and what isn't