To ask if this would upset you?

[Revengebodynow]

Saw a friend yesterday and she mentioned that I put on weight, which I have. Weigh 18st now,

anyway I told DH what she said, and he said " yeah my mum said the same thing, you look bigger now".

I don't have a good relationship with his mum, we're just cordial. No closeness there, but I don't know, I just feel upset she's speaking about me and my weight behind my back

Only with myself

I'd be upset too. I don't think there was any need for your DH to share that with you, I'm sure you are more than aware of your weight gain.

I wouldn’t be annoyed with his Mum particularly, talking about people is pretty normal and it wasn’t to your face. For all you know she was expressing concern about your health.

I’d be hurt that he felt the need to mention it though. It really wasn’t helpful.

I'd be upset with my friend as much as MIL too. Not very kind thing to say from either of them.

I'd be annoyed with DH for telling you.

Yes, his mum might have been a bit cruel to say that about you to DH but that was up to DH to deal with. He didn't have to share it with you.

Id be more annoyed with my friend than my husband or MIL. Like you said you dont have a good relationship with her, and to be fair she didnt say it to you. Your friend on the other hand sounds spiteful.

Very rude people, the 'friend', your dh for telling his mum, and his mum.

Oh yes, I'd be upset with your friend too.

I wouldn’t be any more upset with his mum than I would be with my friend. They both noticed the same thing and commented on it.
If it was true (which you say it it) then I don’t think I could get too annoyed.

The thing is are you happy with your weight? If not, that will be why it's bothering you. My mum sometimes grabs my arms of legs and says "they look chunky now!" But I've always been super skinny and I'm now at a healthy weight so my mum saying that doesn't bother me at all. In fact I'm glad that I've gained weight!
You're reaction would suggest that you are bothered by it. If so then do something, but do it for yourself not for them.

I think it would only upset me if it was an issue that was already upsetting me. Sometimes I find that I get angry with other people when they notice something that, deep down, I am actually upset about for myself.

I'm not sure it'd upset me if it was true, as they might be just noticing out loud. I suppose it's more about how they said it. I'd be upset if it wasn't true and they were just saying bullshit to be nasty.

I can understand why you were upset OP but 18st is very big and unless you are 7 ft, is worryingly obese. I expect they are all concerned about it. Why not use this as an excuse to get it out in the open and get their support for your weight loss.

The thing is, they were just stating a fact. I think we need to step away from having to tiptoe around talking about weight. We all know that being overweight is bad for your health- maybe if people felt able to point it out and offer help/encouragement to lose weight at an earlier stage it wouldn't spiral out of control for some people.

I used to be overweight for years- not one person ever commented on it until I had lost it.

I think your husband said what he did because he's concerned about your weight and you gave him an easy in by telling him what your friend said.

It sounds like your husband could be gently trying to tell you that he is also worried, without it sounding like it's coming from him.

By throwing MIL under a bus he's made you aware that it's being said by more than 1 person. H could have kept his mouth shut but chose not to.

Well obviously it is upsetting to be told you look bigger. But why on earth would you raise the fact you've put on weight, then get upset when someone agrees with you?

Did you want DH to say 'nah love, you look like you have lost weight'?

Better to not fish for compliments!

I am a size 18 myself and I think they are likely to be worried about your health.

Let me start by saying that I'm not slim by any stretch of the imagination, and I get that the comment may have upset you BUT it is the truth, 18st is big, whichever way you dress it up. If you're upset, are you upset with your weight? Or the fact that people have noticed?

I would be upset too. Why did DH feel the need to mention it?

People often notice if you put on or lose a lot of weight. And some people comment, that's life.

At 18 stone, the problem is not with the comments, but with your weight. They're probably worried about you.

I'd be upset about it being true rather than them talking about it. But I don't think DH should have told you as there are better ways to support you or motivate you if that was his intention.

It sounds like they are likely all concerned about your health and don't know how to approach the topic.
When I was in my late teens/early 20's I was diagnosed with anorexia. People even strangers had no trouble telling me how ill I looked, and gross and skeletal. Even doctors (not the actual specialists) would say things like that to me. I know now they were terrified but it didn't feel good. I don't think we know how to approach weight and obesity especially. It's a sensitive topic but it's as concerning as other eating disorder.

They're probably worried about your health.

Id be more annoyed with my friend than my husband or MIL. Like you said you dont have a good relationship with her, and to be fair she didnt say it to you. Your friend on the other hand sounds spiteful.
This ^^. MIL didn't say it to your face - she could have been concerned & telling DH. DH presumably thought that as you'd mentioned it he could too - wrong decision but... Friend should have kept quiet unless you'd actually asked.