To ask if this would upset you?

[Revengebodynow]

Saw a friend yesterday and she mentioned that I put on weight, which I have. Weigh 18st now,

anyway I told DH what she said, and he said " yeah my mum said the same thing, you look bigger now".

I don't have a good relationship with his mum, we're just cordial. No closeness there, but I don't know, I just feel upset she's speaking about me and my weight behind my back

And he needed to mention that to you, why?

MyFitnessPal pal app is great and free x

What's wrong with Saying that to a friend ? I would love a friend that was that honest with me to my face instead of saying things behind back. Would your mother in law say it to your face if she had to opportunity though ? Maybe she was just having convo with your OH I don't think he should of repeated it without giving his mum a chance to say it to you

Me and my husband are always honest with each other about this subject. I’m glad! We live each other and we want each other to be healthy x

Depends how your friend said it. If it was out of concern it's different.

Regarding MIL, she said it to your DH, perhaps wondering why, if you're down or have a health problem? He didn't need to share that. Is he unhappy about your weight?

The main thing is that you're not happy with it so channel all of that annoyance into reaching your goal, for you!

Those saying that they would want others to point out weight gain to them really need their head testing. Most sane normal people will know when they have gained weight as their clothes will no longer fit.
It would be blindingly obvious to anyone that doesn't wear a bin bag day in and day out.

The only thing anyone can hope to achieve by telling a friend something like this is the loss of the friendship. Expect to be dropped like a stone.
I can't help but think those that have said it is fair game have probably said the same to their friends and are defending their actions.

I think I would have asked her why she felt she needed to tell me I'd put weight on. Obviously you will know and don't need to be told.
Shes obviously enjoyed putting you down and its nasty.
If she was genuinely concerned for your health then she would have offered some type of support I think.
I'd concentrate on myself and getting fitter and when said friend needs a bit of support she would be getting sweet FA from me.

@Snowymountainsalways not everyone does notice it on themselves ! Some people are completely naive about it and to have someone say it out loud can be the push some people need to realize and do something about it. Defiantly shouldn't be an issue being honest to someone's face

Unfortnately there are many people around who think they hve the right to make blunt comments about your weight or appearance and rarely is this done in a helpful way. Often they are actually just congratulating themselves on what they imagine is them having more willpower or control etc.. Your friend sounds tactless. It doesn't sound as if she was offering to help you talk about it or help you discover why it happened or what you could do about it. As if its something you can fix in a week or two.
These are things you will have to do for yourself or find some people who are more sympathetic and supportive. Then if you do get comments at least you yourself know that you are dealing with it and that will help the remarks sting a little less.
You dont sound happy about it, but maybe there are reasons why it has happened. You will get endless "advice" but its good if you try to stay positive and work out some small steps that you can take to improve things bit by bit. Drastic pledges don't seem to work. But small daily changes might get you back on the right track. Try not to let unkind remarks upset you or defeat you, you will get there - I wish you all the very best.

Yes, I'd be upset. I'd be upset that they were thinking it, but I'd be upset that I got myself to that point (I am overweight).

Unfortunately people do feel entitled to talk about people being overweight. On the whole family and friends do worry about the overweight persons health. I think it can be really uncomfortable to think of people discussing your weight and can make the problem worse.

However I think you shouldn't dwell on it, you know you have put on weight and you don't need someone to tell you. You just need to tackle it.

I would love a friend that was that honest with me to my face instead of saying things behind back.

Why? Surely as PP have said, OP is aware of her own weight gain, and any slightly socially sensitive person should be aware that mentioning it could be hurtful to OP's feelings. I don't see why OP's weight should be talked about, either to her face or behind her back - it's no one else's business!

My "D"M once said when she didn't realise I was listening that I was grossly overweight (I wasn't), and it's a horrible thought to think that people are discussing these sorts of things.

It's no one's business!

for you OP, and good luck with any weight loss that YOU decide to undertake.

I suffered a bereavement op and I lost a lot of weight. I’m 5ft 3 and I ended up being around 7 stone. I couldn’t see it but everywhere I went I had to justify myself. I think people would question me around 4 times a day and openly say things like ‘what have you eaten today?!’ And I’d actually answer them! I still think now why do people think they have the right to question others about weight. At the time I was so low I didn’t really care TOO much but I didn’t like having to answer questions about something I had no interest in over and over and over again. Trying to prove that I didn’t have an eating disorder but was just so sad. It didn’t help me at all.

Anyway I’ve rambled there. Is there something missing in your life, a void that food is filling or do you feel out of control with some things....... there are different types of therapy that can help and someone mentioned my fitness pal. That’s a good app. Good luck with your weight loss 😘

If you're already feeling upset I suggest you don't start a thread about it on MN unless you are after a raft of 'worried about your health (bollocks)', 'speak as I find' or 'move more eat less. Simples.' comments.

A good MN thread on this subject can get me wanting to sew myself a burkha-type garment to make myself invisible.

It was rude and mean, and yes, I would be upset.

Think about all the great things about you that are not your weight. You're a worthwhile person, entitled to exist.

Your friend might be concerned for your health as well as your MIL. Maybe not the best way to go about it mind you but I would be grateful for a totally honest friend - hard to come by

“You look well” and “you’re looking healthy” are not the same thing. Maybe it’s a regional / rural thing, to do with livestock or something, but definitely
“You’re looking... healthy” means “you’ve gained weight” where I’m from.

I would be grateful for a totally honest friend - hard to come by - if you think being personally picked apart would help you with any aspect of your life Whiskeyjar then start your own thread saying "please critique me" post a photo and we'll all pile in. Sorted.

Obviously we'll all preface every personal comment with "I am only trying to help you".

I think you got off lightly, my H told me I was a fat bastard.

You should have said something along the lines of
At least I will be able to lose weight, you cant do anything about your personality and will always be an utter cunt.

I agree with PP, they’re probably just worried about you. 18st is huge, and will be having a real impact on your health. I suspect your husband passed on his mum’s comment as he too is unhappy with your weight.

MyFitnessPal is free and fantastic. If you stick to it, it’ll work. By next summer you could be a healthy weight and feel great about yourself.

I've always been sporty and fit and an athletic 10-12, but a few years ago, I had major surgery which required about a six month recovery period.

During that time, my exercise was obviously a bit limited, but I also got a bit lax with my diet and put on about 8kgs.

After about a year, my very closest friend staged an 'intervention': told me I was drinking too much, not exercising enough and my diet was all to shit, and as a result, I was running to fat.

I'm glad they did. I sorted myself out and I'm actually in better shape now than I was before.

Bloody hell, if your mates can't tell you you're getting a bit heavy, who can?

I put weight on partly due to stress, a lot due to having children and lifestyle change. Trust me, someone telling me that I had "run to fat" would not have helped one bit at any time. I have never stopped dieting and exercising but have never been less than a stone over normal BMI since having DDs 13 years ago. I used to be a size 8 for most of my 20s and just do WW for a bit if my weight went up, before children, and my BMI was 19. I am not lazy and do not pig out or eat a terrible diet, it's just very difficult to lose weight and keep it off.

@Elephant14 I see this is a touchy subject for you, Elephant. Your response is very aggressive. My close friend told me years ago I was getting too skinny - my mum and sister had told me several times but I was constantly arguing with them due to my lifestyle at the time and a lot of ongoing family issues so I just put that down to them trying to dig at me and I was in denial. When my friend finally said it I actually stood back and acknowledged I had a weight problem as she was my friend and we had never had bad words so I couldn't find any excuses for her to be making it up. I was scarily thin (looking back now it's horrifying, bones were protruding at my chest and shoulders) so I am forever greatful for an honest friend. Thankfully I rebuilt my relationship with my family and life is good. If I posted my picture on here I'm sure it would be nice responses as I am happy and healthy. 5 ft 5 and a size 10. I exercise every day (simple walking and no gym) and eat healthily. I wasn't trying to critique the OP, just offering my own take on it based on my own experience.

Being over sensitive am I Whiskey? Now let me think where I might have heard that before ...!!

I had an ex ring me months later to ask if I was pregnant with his child. His sister had seen me and said I had ballooned. I shit you not I went from a size 6 to 8. The call didn't end very well for him.