To ask if this would upset you?

[Revengebodynow]

Saw a friend yesterday and she mentioned that I put on weight, which I have. Weigh 18st now,

anyway I told DH what she said, and he said " yeah my mum said the same thing, you look bigger now".

I don't have a good relationship with his mum, we're just cordial. No closeness there, but I don't know, I just feel upset she's speaking about me and my weight behind my back

Op, put it this way, if you were an alcoholic would you also be upset if your mother in law mentioned it to your husband? What about if you were a drug addict? Do you feel she shouldn't broach those with him either if she felt unable to do so to your face? As you yourself said you don't have a good relationship.

18 stone is big, but food addiction and weight gain is something people are supposed to not mention or comment on. It also carries significant health risks, And I get why it shouldn't be mentioned, I've been overweight myself, it's one of life's greatest ironies, everyone can see it, but no one is allowed to mention it. They must pretend they are oblivious to it.

I don't know why your husband told you. I assume because he felt he couldn't say it in his own words, so threw his mother in the ring, but it would seem it's his thoughts as well. However it's true, so that kind of makes it more difficult.

I'd focus on you, it seems you're not happy with your weight, but maybe also not really willing to put in the effort to lose it yet. That's a mind set thing and only you can do it when you're ready,

For me, the difference of saying it versus thinking it, doesn't really amount to a whole lot if I'm honest, and you can't stop them thinking it.

Op, put it this way, if you were an alcoholic would you also be upset if your mother in law mentioned it to your husband? What about if you were a drug addict? Do you feel she shouldn't broach those with him either if she felt unable to do so to your face? As you yourself said you don't have a good relationship.

As the daughter of a very serious alcoholic (now dead), this argument does not make sense to me. I’d rather have a morbidly obese parent, believe me. Even a chronic smoker would be better. Alcohol and drugs alter the user’s behaviour in a way which smoking ciggies and eating cake does not even come close to. I’ve never been scared that a fat person might attack me in the street. My parent wasn’t at all violent I should add, but had a revolting personality under the influence. I’ve never seen someone eat too much cake and turn into an aggressive, snide, incontinent person who I was scared of people seeing me with in public in case they said or did something really embarrassing. Yes, the health risks associated with being very overweight are there, but the immediate effects of alcohol and drug misuse are devastating for everyone around the user.

@Elephant14 you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder. Good luck with that!

Yes, hearing that said about me would have stung, OP. I'd have been upset, too.

Your friend should have kept her thoughts to herself and your husband shouldn't have told you what his mother said.

YABU. At 18st you are overweight, and people will notice it. I think they're concerned instead of being mean.