AIBU To think that my 17 year old high functioning autistic ds is being decrimated against due to disability

[GoGoGirl54321]

My 17 year old ds has just re-joint his old am-dram after having a year off. They have just done the audition rounds for their latest production. My son decided that he wanted to try out for a part. I so happen to be a member of the same group as well, so watched the auditions. I thought his audition was good (don’t get me wrong it wasn’t earth changing but he was definitely no wrost then anyone else).Once the cast list was reviled it transpired that every member that audition for a main part got one apart from my son.

AIBU to think that this could be due to my sons autism (high functioning) and that the committee don’t trust him. I know a lot of members are either related or work with autistic kids that are fairly severe and I can’t help but think they see my son (who is extremely mature and independent) in the same light and have a pre-conceived idea about the disability.

Let me know your thoughts

I can see how it would be hard to assume anything else OP! It seems extreme to leave only your son out.

Is his manner generally easy to be around? Is there anything he does or says in general that could have made people feel uncomfortable?

My thoughts
A) I don't believe in high-functioning as a concept. Some autistic people can pass as allistic and can maybe manage school or work but it can be so distressing and debilitating for us that it does not feel like something I can call high-functioning.
I feel more content when I don't try to pass.

B) it's very hard to prove whether there was discrimination in a call like this to choose the best actor

C)it's entirely possible his autism was a factor in their decision which is a huge shame

D) as a mum hopefully you can help him through any disappointment and help him to try again in the future. Acting is such a good outlet.

Were there any other new people or rejoiners? It may also be that they got priority for parts due to previous efforts/cliqueyness/whatever.

why would the committee not trust him what is the back story?

Not going to lie, my son can be extremely outgoing and can be blunt with what he says. I always let him know (privately) if I think he has overstepped the mark. But he never means offence which all the members know. I have never been told that he has made anyone feel uncomfortable though.

I understand that some people believe that all autistic people have problems, but to say that all autistic people are distressed at life is unfair. You shouldn’t be using your personal experiences to summarise your view on every single autistic person.

I think you’ve answered your own question, maybe the other members are tired of the bluntness, he may not mean to be offensive but that does n’t stop people taking offence.

Having a mother and son in the same production probably causes problems as well.

Is it because he has recently joined? I know at one group that my friend is with, new members have to do a few seasons in the chorus/crew to prove their reliability before they are allowed to take on main parts.

I agree, functioning labels are a load of fucking shit. I suppose you would call my non verbal ds 'low' functioning? I wonder what you'd call me: a 'passing', articulate, obviously intelligent woman? Am I high functioning because you can better identify with me? What are you? Are you high-functioning or low? Do you give functioning labels to allistics? If not, why not?

He didn’t get cast. Get over it. Acting is probably the only area where it’s acceptable to be prejudice. You want to play Juliet? Well, no, if you’re a 40yo African male.
If your son has a talent and there is an appropriate part for him then fine, yes, audition along with everyone else that gets told “not today thanks, next!”
Also, why is everyone watching auditions?

My first thought would not be that it is because he is autistic. My first thought would be that it is because he left and rejoined and needs to prove he will stick around for a while.

I think we use terms like "high functioning" because we don't have a good way of describing the vast differences of experience of autistics. There are people like my son who does a reasonably good job of being quirky but NT when he feels like doing so and will most probably not need much if any support as he goes into adulthood. For him most of his current support is because he is autistic living in an allistic world. If NT was autistic then people like me would probably need the sort of support he gets.

Then there are people like my son's friend who is the same age as mine. His experience going into adulthood will be vastly different to my son as he will need assistance in most aspects of daily life.

What is a "tidy" way to generalise about the two groups if you don't have the leisure to describe it in the moment?

Frankly, whatever words we pick, someone is going to be unhappy about them. My AS kid prefers to use "normal" instead of NT or allistic. I know that there are going to be plenty of people who would be unhappy about that. FTR I have tried to dissuade him from using that term. He is 18 though and not easily swayed.

As for OPs question. I guess it is unlikely that you will ever know for sure unless someone says something. I know my son in particular would not do well and it would be because he is autistic. He has a flat demeanor and doesn't show expression well in his voice, body language or facial expression. You could coach him until the day is done and he wouldn't do well or enjoy it. Is it possible that the committee saw something similar to that? I know I notice more body language from him than others because I'm attuned to him.

I have been involved in Amdram all my life. I would imagine that they give parts to people who have been loyal members. Why did your ds take a year off? Was it for exams? That, imo, shouldn't carry any 'penalties', but perhaps there is some history before he took his time off which is pertinent?

He left and then re joined? Possibly they're seeing him as a bit unreliable because of this and want him to prove his commitment. Did he get a small part or none at all. Also, possibly you were a bit biased (has been known in us mums ) and he wasn't quite as good as you thought?
Anyway, I'd encourage him to stick around and prove himself then re audition for the next play before making assumptions about discrimination.

I have never been told that he has made anyone feel uncomfortable though

I think you have to be a bit more realistic here. Would they really tell you? It would be a really hard conversation. That said, you and he are obviously working hard on the bluntness.

On balance I think it’s probably just having had a break. Was he regularly getting cast before that?

did you expect him to waltz in after a year and get a main part over those who have been involved in the last year?

He had a year off. He was never getting a part. Stop seeing discrimination where there is none.

My first thought would not be that it is because he is autistic. My first thought would be that it is because he left and rejoined and needs to prove he will stick around for a while

This - this is how most am dram works. Reliability far more important than talent or anything else.

FWIW my eldest son is very severely autistic. I don’t think there is such a thing as ‘autism’ - think it’s many different conditions lumped under the same unbrella (fairly non-controversial in the research world tbh) so your son’s autism would have no relevance to any casting decision I made. I can’t even imagine how that thought process would go. I know loads of people with high functioning autism (for want of a better way of putting it). Some would be fab on stage, - bloody hell know some that are amazing performers - others not so much. Nothing to do with their autism.

If I was running an am dram group i’d Be choosing people who will a) turn up and b) remember their lines above anything else

I'm high functioning but require support to do things like attend medical appointments, maintain a tenancy, keep on top of daily living activities.

If your son won't require much support in adulthood, he's much higher functioning than "high functioning".

This is part of the reason why functioning labels suck.

We just don't have the language to describe the range of impairments which come under the autism banner, really. Dumping diagnoses of aspergers doesn't help with that either, but really we do need some way of talking about the different types of people who are all classed as autistic.

I use high functioning to mean no learning disabilities - but that doesn’t tell you anything about someone’s daily living skills or ability to access normal life.

Chouetted,

I meant he probably won't need non-family support. His main problem is that he needs to be taught a lot of things explicitly, so medical appointments for instance, we are practising that a lot this year, making them, how to talk on the phone, how to look up what he might be asked, paying, driving there etc. Once he has learned that he will be good at it. BUT it won't translate well to meeting with a banker to set up an account for instance, so we've practised that.

He does very well, he has also had eleven years of speech therapy to work on many of these things and teach him how to learn them. I think he will be successful once he gets there but we shall see.

I work with a bunch of people that I would not be surprised to learn were on the spectrum. They are quirky and sometimes their social skills are not great, but they hold down jobs and relationships.

Devilish, I agree, there are just so so many different characteristics and strengths and weaknesses involved, some of them don't match with my kid at all, for instance, he is very good with sarcasm. Others do, for instance despite many years of work, he still find "appropriate" eye contact difficult (and stupid and pointless).

They had enough parts to go to everyone except one. What do you expect them to do - write an additional part into the script?

I think it could well have been because he was the newest member or because his audition wasn’t as strong rather than because of his disability. You’re never going to be able to prove it one way or the other anyway

I am now going to go name change because although my son is fine with people knowing and also me talking about it, it is not really up to me to out him in case someone IRL recognises me. So OP, good luck, hope your son finds something he enjoys for the production, perhaps it would be a good time to work on technical crew or front of house and learn a new skill.

As to everyone else, I've enjoyed the convo and will continue reading, thanks for the PoV, it is interesting to read :)

I think there are probably several reasons. He took a year out, so parts went to those who have been loyal. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe if he stays and does backstage he'll be considered more favourably next year.

He may not have auditioned as well as the others. Simple and most likely explanation.

As others have said, his bluntness could well be a factor. Actors have to take direction and do as they are told. If he argues the point then he's unlikely to be cast again.

Theatre groups, even if only amateur are a team, if he isn't a team player then he won't get a part.

I've worked with many theatre groups down the years and these are my thoughts. Do any sound likely?

Would it be worth asking for some feedback ?