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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my FIL kissing my 2yo on the lips?

88 replies

Vap0 · 25/09/2018 22:11

I’ve always been brought up where you kiss people on the cheek, unless they are your significant other and then it’s a lip kiss.

My FIL has recently started getting my 2 year old kissing him on the lips. It makes my stomach turn. She has never kissed me on the lips, always on the nose or on the head which mimics where I kiss her, which makes me think it was definitely him who initiated this.

I hate it so much, my partner says I just need to let it go but I think it’s so wrong and it makes me feel sick.

Am I being ridiculous?

Has anyone else had this and managed to stop it? If so, how? I can’t make a big issue out of it as they are so good with her, they have her one day a week, take her swimming and she has a lovely time. I just don’t know if I can watch this kissing much more.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/09/2018 22:14

I don't/didn't kiss my kids on the lips because I don't particularly enjoy the slobber.

However, they were always happy to kiss their grandparents on the lips and it never occurred to me to be bothered by it.

If your toddler is happy to kiss her grandad then why not let her?

zeeboo · 25/09/2018 22:16

YABU.

greenlynx · 25/09/2018 22:17

I wouldn’t like it either. Could you just tell him that it’s not a good habit and you want to discourage it? Or even tell something like that it was mentioned by her nursery?

BelindaTheBadger · 25/09/2018 22:19

Unless he’s got cold sores, as my fil frequently does, it wouldn’t really bother me.

Mammyloveswine · 25/09/2018 22:19

My 2 year old kisses everyone on the lips! I think it's sweet!

However, that's because we kiss him on the lips. I would not be happy about your situation at all, I'm sure all perfectly innocent but you as the parent get the final say!

Vinylsamso · 25/09/2018 22:21

Lips are for kissing in my opinion

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2018 22:22

Why is it not a good habit greenlynx?

PawPawNoodle · 25/09/2018 22:22

Why do you think it's wrong? I get the impression from your post that you almost consider it paedophillic and I find that quite saddening.

I think YABU. Just because that is the way you have been brought up it doesn't mean that is the correct or only way. Kissing family on the lips can be just as much a term of familial affection - I've kissed many of my relations on the lips in a non-sexual way, in fact many close family friends too, at a variety of ages including now as an adult. I don't find it the least bit wrong or sickening.

If you are really that hell-bent on stopping this, teach your daughter she can refuse a kiss on the lips. At 2 she will most definitely know the word "no". Other than that I think you will just give people the impression that you consider them to be a predator.

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2018 22:23

I'm sure all perfectly innocent but you as the parent get the final say!

But presumably the OP's partner is also the parent?

Original poster
Vap0 · 25/09/2018 22:24

I’ll probably be shot down for saying this but I think it desensitises children from kissing. I know that kissing for me was a big thing because I never lip kissed anyone until I was older and consciously chose to.

OP posts:
UbercornsGoggles · 25/09/2018 22:24

My in laws do this and it bothers me, but not enough to stop them. It's just their way. My mil has finally realised after years of me firmly offering my cheek that I do not kiss anyone other than my husband on the lips. However both her children still kiss her on the lips. I think it's weird and a bit gross but only because I wasn't brought up to do this, they obviously all think it's completely normal.

Rednaxela · 25/09/2018 22:25

YANBU. That is simply not necessary, wtf are PIL playing at.

Sounds like you have a DH problem above all else though, if he isn't supporting you.

sunshineandshowers21 · 25/09/2018 22:25

why is it such an issue? my family have always kissed on the lips - i kiss my parents, grandparents, sisters, aunties/uncles, cousins etc... as soon as my little boy comes out of school he gives me a (often slobbery, sometimes snotty) kiss. i actually find it sad when people think it’s ‘wrong’ to kiss children.

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2018 22:25

How do you know that's what made lip kissing a big thing for you, OP?

Lip kissing is a big thing for most people I think?

Nicknacky · 25/09/2018 22:26

Op, this is your issue. There is nothing wrong with kissing children on the lips, my 4 year old kissed me goodnight on the lips tonight. No way would I have stopped her.

Amanduh · 25/09/2018 22:27

Oh ffs it desensitises children from kissing.. what a load of tripe. Majority of children I know do and always have kissed their family and friends on the lips when they were little. Get a grip

scienceteachergeek · 25/09/2018 22:27

YANBU

I don't get the vibe that she thinks it's paedophilic, just not something she wants to be happening. I agree. Kissing on the lips is a special thing for her partner to do later in life, IMO.

Your child, your rules. Simple Smile

EndeavourVoyage · 25/09/2018 22:28

ask your daughter if she minds, if she doesn’t then let it be, if she says she doesn’t like it then teach her how to stop her Grandad kissing her on the lips. I personally think YABU but everyone to their own.

Nicknacky · 25/09/2018 22:28

science And what if the child’s dad has no issue with it? Whose rules is it then?

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2018 22:28

Your child, your rules. Simple

This child has two parents and one of them is ok with it.

Why makes the OP's opinion more important?

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2018 22:29

Yes, the most important thing is to teach kids they don't have to kiss anyone.

Whether that's on the lips or on the cheek.

scienceteachergeek · 25/09/2018 22:30

Amanduh as far as I was aware this is the 21st century. Not sure why you felt that 'tripe', or belittling the OPs views were necessary.

CognitiveDissonance · 25/09/2018 22:30

YANBU

Bringonspring · 25/09/2018 22:30

YABU everything is soooo over sexualised

scienceteachergeek · 25/09/2018 22:30

WorraLiberty.....YES! THIS!