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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my FIL kissing my 2yo on the lips?

88 replies

Vap0 · 25/09/2018 22:11

I’ve always been brought up where you kiss people on the cheek, unless they are your significant other and then it’s a lip kiss.

My FIL has recently started getting my 2 year old kissing him on the lips. It makes my stomach turn. She has never kissed me on the lips, always on the nose or on the head which mimics where I kiss her, which makes me think it was definitely him who initiated this.

I hate it so much, my partner says I just need to let it go but I think it’s so wrong and it makes me feel sick.

Am I being ridiculous?

Has anyone else had this and managed to stop it? If so, how? I can’t make a big issue out of it as they are so good with her, they have her one day a week, take her swimming and she has a lovely time. I just don’t know if I can watch this kissing much more.

OP posts:

ICantLikeDirtyTuna · 28/09/2018 12:54

What I didn’t find out until it was too late, was that people pass on the oral bacteria which causes plague and then holes in your teeth from kissing. It’s impossible to get holes until you have the bacteria in your mouth. If this was more common knowledge I doubt many people which actually kiss on the lips. Unhygienic & not good for your oral health!

TailEndCharlie · 28/09/2018 13:11

YANBU. I don't know one person that doesn't have horrible childhood memories of old people forcing lip kisses on them that they didn't want or consent to. I think it is becoming very outdated now as we find out more about the harm that passing viruses on to young kids has. I wouldn't allow it just from the germ point of view let alone the consent one! I think it is slowly becoming something that is not considered polite, appropriate or sanitary. Kind of tying thread to a door handle and a wobbly tooth or smacking...

bellabasset · 28/09/2018 13:13

My dm brought us up to kiss babies on the head or cheek. My gm (born 1886)had taught all her 6 dc's and 2 sdc's basic hygiene.

Everyone washed their hands properly, wiped down work surfaces with separate dishcloth, which were boiled, keeping food properly. She would have been capable of training people for a hygiene course.

Most people have herpes simplex so to avoid infection just kids babies on the cheek or head. If you've had a stye on your eye or cold sore you have herpes simplex.

So OP there is a simple health reason not to do this. It's not being an overly fussy mum.

bellabasset · 28/09/2018 13:14

Autocorrect kiss babies on the cheek or head

QueenofmyPrinces · 28/09/2018 13:38

I have never felt comfortable about children being kissed on the lips - I don’t know why exactly, but it just seems a bit strange to me.

My four year old always wants to kiss me on the lips and I don’t like it.

Biancadelriosback · 28/09/2018 13:40

My grandad holds my face still so he can get my lips when he kisses me. Does it to everyone, even my dad and DH. I kiss DS on the lips, but he always offers me his cheek!

LittleLionMansMummy · 28/09/2018 13:46

Well, she's your child so of you're uncomfortable with it you need to say so.

Fwiw I find it odd that some people think lip kissing a child is weird though. In this family lip kissing stops when ds or dd say they don't like it. It's normal to them, but guess when they get to a certain age they'll stop. My parents lip kissed me and my sisters as children, but as adults we cheek kiss now.

GaraMedouar · 28/09/2018 13:51

OP - YANBU - I totally have the same view as you. I was never kissed on the lips as a child. I think people are split 50/50 - those who wholeheartedly agree with kissing on they lips, and those who think it's icky. Nothing really in between. I think you're just going to have to tell FIL. Will be difficult though. My ExP grew up with lip kissing and kisses his grown children and our DD on the lips. I have always hated that. I have taught DD though that only Daddy is allowed, I don't want it to be the norm for other relatives on his side. We don't on my side. I know he doesn't have cold sores (well he didn't when with me at least).

IABURQO · 28/09/2018 14:55

YANBU - I'd ask him to stop. Luckily neither of our families do this, I have enough of a problem keeping manky fingers out of his mouth.

fanfan18 · 28/09/2018 15:43

I really don't think there is anything wrong with it. If your daughter is fine with it, I would be too. I definitely kissed my parents and grandparents on the lips when I was small.

Just don't let it get to the point of this like Sam Faiers Boyfriend and his mum!!

Whatamuddleduck · 28/09/2018 16:05

I reacted quite strongly to DP kissing DD on the lips! It’s cultural, my family kiss nose/cheeks etc. I didn’t expect it and it just looked odd. DP has accepted that I have no issue with him it’s just not something I’m used to do he doesn’t do it. To be fair I hate other people’s children kissing me. My nieces and nephews are all happy Ruth’s hug or wave and say they hate being slobbered on.

I think you can only be honest and ask PIL not to do it. Either be really honest or explain the virus risk and say it’s current health advice.

Merrz · 28/09/2018 16:12

I don't like it either, it sounds like it's meant in the nicest way possible from FIL's point of view but it's very cringy and a bit wrong to me too and i wouldn't be happy if it was my child.
How do you approach it i would either just come right out and be honest that you find it a bit weird and lip kissing is for when she's grown up or like a PP said make up something about nursery so maybe best to stop.

JBob5 · 30/09/2018 19:15

I’m 30 and I still kiss both of my parents on the lips. Not so much my brother anymore but I used to. I also kissed my godparents/aunties and uncles on the lips but it doesn’t mean I go around kissing everyone. My parents made it clear that there was a small group of people that it was ok to kiss on the lips but if I didn’t want to as I got older/if I felt it becoming weird I just started to kiss them on the cheek. To be honest I think as I got older it was more the godparents and aunties and uncles that didn’t want it to happen anymore! My DH never kissed any of his family on the lips and he has times said he has felt a little jealous that my family are happy showing each other such affection (PILs are divorced and both remarried but there’s a lot of animosity there and rough relationships with siblings - DH is the most emotionally switched on of the 4 of them!). We’re having our first baby soon and he’s very keen to bring it up to be loving and willing to show affection!

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