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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP in foul mood and holiday imminent..

102 replies

EstuaryBird · 24/09/2018 15:38

I've been with DP for nearly 30 years and he's always been prone to long lasting horrible moods, I've just learned to live with them. He's also been a heavy smoker for most of his life and gave up about 5 weeks ago (he hasn't told me this and I haven't mentioned it because he's done really well..). Tbh I know he's a narcissist but I've learned to just get on with life and ignore him - when he's in a good mood he's alright.

Anyway, he's recently decided he really wanted to go on a cruise so we're going on a short, 7 day, ridiculously expensive one very soon. When we booked it he was full of enthusiasm but now he won't even talk about it. For the past few weeks he hasn't really spoken to me at all and if I try to talk to him he either stares at the TV and ignores me or grunts one word answers. The only time he initiates conversation is if his computer needs fixing or if he's found something he can complain about - this is not unusual behaviour and not all down to not smoking.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't really bother me, even if we were going on a regular holiday it wouldn't bother me much, but a cruise is going to mean close proximity to other people and he can make everyone very uncomfortable if he wants to. He knows that I never upset people unnecessarily, and am always nice unless given good reason not to be, so he's not above being borderline rude to people if he's trying to make me feel awkward.

So, AIBU to hope that bloody volcano in Iceland would hurry up and erupt so we won't be able to fly out to get the ship?

(Before anyone rips me about the disruption for everyone else on the planet.....I know! - it is a bit tongue in cheek!)

OP posts:
Agentornika · 24/09/2018 15:42

How have you put up with it for so long?

HappyGirlNow · 24/09/2018 15:43

Why are you still with him? He sounds like an absolute nightmare. Sod that.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 24/09/2018 15:43

I'd dump him and go by myself.

redshoeblueshoe · 24/09/2018 15:46

He sounds dreadful.

Shoxfordian · 24/09/2018 15:46

Go on your own and stay gone

ISnappedAndFarted · 24/09/2018 15:48

Push him off the ship

Tartsamazeballs · 24/09/2018 15:49

Ffs why do people put up with shit like this, does his jizz taste like prosecco or something? Pack him off on the cruise by himself and change the locks whilst he's gone.

Losingthewill1 · 24/09/2018 15:50

Sorry but why are you with this horrible man child?

MsMaestro · 24/09/2018 15:51

Let him go on his own and have a nice peaceful week at home.

Charlie97 · 24/09/2018 15:58

If you've been together 30 years I'd assume that you're heading towards retirement? This age bracket has the current highest divorce rates as we are living longer and quite honestly people are thinking.......sod that, I'm not living with this miserable bastard for 20years retirement.

My advice, leave now, enjoy the rest of your life and go on the cruise alone.

gendercritter · 24/09/2018 15:59

Don't you feel life is too short for that shit? Life is so much nicer without someone behaving like that beside you. And poor holiday goers - they've paid good money to go on a cruise and there's a good chance he'll be an arse to some of them? That can have a big impact.

ArtemisWeatherwax · 24/09/2018 16:05

Push him off the ship Second this. Check his life insurance first though.

OutingMyDog · 24/09/2018 16:07

What the actual fuck is the point of the relationship? I don't think I could put up with an hour of sulking.

EstuaryBird · 24/09/2018 16:08

Yes, I could have written all those answers myself. I would tell anyone else to LT! I have no idea why I haven't really, but I guess after all this time I'm not likely to so I'm not even going to kid myself. He won't be blatantly rude or nasty to other people, he can be quite charming if he wants to be, he just won't engage much. I'm very close to telling him to just go on his own.

OP posts:
Sicario · 24/09/2018 16:09

Ignore him. Go ahead and get excited about the cruise where there will (hopefully) be lots of nice people. Prepare and pack for yourself only. He can sort his own stuff out. Wear fabulous things. Dance every night. Eat, drink and do whatever you like whenever you like. If he decides to act like an arse it will only be himself he is showing up. Have a great time!

MiddleClassProblem · 24/09/2018 16:09

when he's in a good mood he's alright I mean if that’s the best it gets, it’s really not much.

EstuaryBird · 24/09/2018 16:10

@Isnappedandfarted. That has occurred to me as a plan....if you read about it please don't grass me up!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 24/09/2018 16:11

He is emotionally abusive so you know this is par for the course, sadly. At least cruise ships are large: you may well be able to avoid him. Or even better, go alone!

OutingMyDog · 24/09/2018 16:11

You're more than capable of leaving him, even after all this time. There's no leaving expiry date.

Loopytiles · 24/09/2018 16:12

Don’t miss out on the holiday on his account. Organise your own stuff and head off.

Juells · 24/09/2018 16:13

You go on your own. Let him stay at home and sulk. Hide his passport now 😂

Dairymilkmuncher · 24/09/2018 16:17

Wow 30 years with that Shock

My DH can get grumpy when he's stressed and anxious about certain things ( no where near as bad as what you've described and not as bad as me with pmt so can't complain really) but I've found just saying to him, I'm really excited about xyz and it'll mean a lot to me if we have a nice fun relaxed time together that has completely changed the way he behaves on the day like he knows I've got his back before hand.

I would kick off and talk about leaving if he tried to be grumpy and kick off about silly stuff on an expensive holiday especially after saying how important it was to you to be relaxed and enjoyable.

Maybe the reason he's got so bad is because he can get away with it (and he's awful) if you don't want to leave him at least stand up for yourself. Why should you put up with all that?

EstuaryBird · 24/09/2018 16:17

It's ridiculous that I have to fight the urge to stick up for him!!! But I'm not going to because you're all right, as I well know. I've just recently retired and I think that being at home with him much of the time has brought things into sharp perspective. I worked days and he worked nights so I didn't really see him much........now he's here all the bloody time.

OP posts:
Artofpretending · 24/09/2018 16:18

Well if you are praying for a volcano to get out of going it must be bad. He sounds like a pig. You would not enjoy his company so why put yourself through it?

iklboo · 24/09/2018 16:18

To be honest on a cruise there's so much to do you could feasibly not see him all day if you didn't want to. Let him stew in his own juices.