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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Carrots

108 replies

Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 06:19

My partner and I haven't spoken all day now, can you please enlighten me to if this is my fault.
Back story together 8 years 2 DC DS 7 DD 3 months
Yesterday i was up at 7 with kids DP was asleep on sofa ( bad back ) till 10:30 then went out to get himself breakfast was gone an hour and a half .
I wanted to cook roast dinner realised that i didn't have potatoes, was gonna walk to Tescos to get some but DP went into garden and dug some up for me. Before he went to breakfast , he also dug up some carrots.
Baby went down for nap so did all prep while she was down to make it easier later, peeled potato made stuffing and Yorkshire batter.
Now to the argument the carrots as they are home grown obviously at different sizes, so I cut tops and tails off and cut the big ones in half left smaller ones whole so cooked at same time.
DP come back from leisurely breakfast and sees carrots. Says I have "ucked them up , why have I cut them , home grown should have the tops on and left whole , why the duck does he have to teach me these things." I said nothing really as no point engaging in it.
The then comes into the front room and starts again . I said "I dont want to hear any more about the carrots and if he doesn't want them them don't eat them" . He them says "that's is your answer to everything if I don't like it them I can jog on and im getting sick of it" I didn't engage once again and went into kitchen and pack up all prepped food and placed it into fridge. Cooked that day for DS offered DP food and tea numerous times always no and other then that havnt spoken other then another incident over weaning as I said u can warm from 4 months but I wanted to wait till 6 to do BWL as you go straight onto "real food " cue DP argument that puree is " real food" I said yes that's not what I meant but didn't engage further as he was just looking for a fight so I went silent he gets annoyed " once again someone tries to teach you something and you don't like it "
So the bloke who has never changed his daughter nappy or bathed either of his children ever is gonna teach me about weaning when I am a mother and early years educator Hmm
Am I the wrong for cutting the carrots ??
Realised this is very long so my apologies.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 24/09/2018 06:23

You have a bigger problem than carrots.

todayiwin · 24/09/2018 06:23

Carrots are the least if your worries

Twotailed · 24/09/2018 06:23

YANBU, and he sounds patronising, rude and grumpy. Who does he think he is?! Lecturing you as if his opinion is the be all and end all of everything...

LusaCole · 24/09/2018 06:35

You are not wrong for cutting the carrots.

Also, your partner is a total arse.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 06:35

He very often offer his opinion as fact once refused to eat a chicken pie I made because chicken pie is chicken gravy with carrots and peas with short crust top and bottom and I had made chicken with carrots, bacon, lemon and garlic roasted then removed lemon and garlic and added gravy topped with felio pasty and baked .

OP posts:
Twotailed · 24/09/2018 06:38

Sorry but he sounds like a prick Sad

Bobbysausages · 24/09/2018 06:43

And you're with him why?

SlimDogMillionaire · 24/09/2018 06:49

A. He's wrong about the carrots. What a ridiculous thing to say. I don't want the top and the wiggly bit at the end on my plate thanks, I'm not a rabbit.

B. He's horrible - if it was a one off because he was grumpy due to back pain then he is BU but has an 'excuse' but sounds like he makes a habit of speaking to you like this which is unacceptable

Cindersdonegood · 24/09/2018 06:52

He's a complete tosser. Sorry.

If anyone who has never even changed a fucking nappy tried to tell me ANYTHING about Child rearing I would tell him to fuck off.

The biggest question is why the hell haven't you made him change his own children's nappies by now? Mine would have been handed baby and told, "Your turn. I did the last one"

And as for the stupid carrot thing, next time leave them whole. Cook them all together. Give him the overcooked (or burned if you're roasting) tiny carrots.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 07:35

I tried to get him to change her nappy once but he refused saying it was weird she is a girl and he doesn't want to do it wrong and give her an infection I left her for 5 mins but changed her in the end coz I wouldn't leave her needing changing
Tell a lie he changed her first nappy as I had had a c-section but that was it x

OP posts:
Happygolucky009 · 24/09/2018 07:45

Is he sleeping on the sofa overnight? If so I am sure this will worsening any back issue.

Is he normally like this?

Are you happy to spend the next 30 year's with this chap?

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 24/09/2018 07:46

Come on. You're an early years teacher. You're not stupid. Think long and hard about whether you need this cocklodger in your life, and make plans appropriately. You, and your daughter, are worth far far more than dick features!

Phillipa12 · 24/09/2018 07:52

Chicken pie made with gravy is disgusting, my butchers always use a creamy mustard sauce! And as for carrots, hes a dick and you do have bigger problems, he sounds like a control freak. Id be tempted to tell him that once he starts participating in active parenting including baths and nappies then you will be prepared to listen to his thoughts on weaning....

Hippyshubby · 24/09/2018 07:52

It is sounding like there are bigger issues here. We are only getting a snapshot and it would be wrong to extrapolate too much from that.

His extreme reactions do, however, sound like conditioning. Are his parents quite controlling/autistic/very set in routines? It could be that he has only experienced certain things in certain ways. It in no way excuses his behaviour at all but what your saying makes it sound like he has had a very sheltered upbringing with only one acceptable way of doing things.

And as for those things... he is, of course, wrong. There are a variety of ways of achieving the same goal. The real issue, as has been pointed out above, is his refusal to engage and this "I've got to educate you" weirdness. It isnt like you are lacking an understanding of the science underpinning global warming... or the factors leading up to the last economic collapse. It is because you don't know the fixed and only way of doing things that is in his head. The obvious question would be "why do you think that is true, dear" to which the answer would be "mummy always did it that way"... but you can't get to that if he cannot engage or accept that no everyone is the same.

As I said at the start it is dangerous for us to extrapolate too much from this but YANBU and you should really be watching out for other red flags.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 07:55

Yes he has sleep on sofa for 5 months but says it's more comfortable then the bed we have changed the base once and mattress 3 time but he still isn't comfortable he had a spinal decompression last October so if it means he has a decent night sleep then i don't mind too much, other then it being lonley.
I know he is difficult and there are areas for improvement but I just feel no one is perfect including me and our children love him so much. I have been with him since I was 17 and honestly can't picture myself without him x

OP posts:
Karigan198 · 24/09/2018 08:02

He’s wrong about the carrots. You do carrots how the hell you want to do carrots. It’s the beauty of them lol.

We grow our own too and have them in a ton of different ways. Small ones we may roast with the top on but it’s not required.

The way he is speaking to you is however appalling and may be harder to sort than carrots

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 08:06

@Hippyshubby I can see why u would think that he may have had parents very set in there ways but it's not the case I am close to MIL and she isn't like that.
The funny thing is I am quite educated and do have knowledge on lots of subjects but my partner is very practical and street smart and values that more then academics. I just find it funny when he gives an opinion on young children when it's my area of expertise and the best experience of all being a mum of couse his views on our children are valid as he has 50% of the final say but child development in general is my bag
He just made it seem like no one in the world would have cut the carrotsConfused

OP posts:
ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 24/09/2018 08:08

Hippys "Are his parents autistic" WTF?!?! Autism is not a reason or excuse for such behaviours, don't be so insulting to people with autism. And I'm not being sarcastic either, my son has autism and attitudes like yours are damaging and offensive.

MyHusbandSaysIHave1000MNNames · 24/09/2018 08:12

He sounds like a know it all... 😑

If he wants his food cooked a certain way then he presumably has two hands and can cook it himself.

While he's at it he can be in charge of weaning your daughter since he's so experienced at child rearing.

ProfessorMoody · 24/09/2018 08:14

Are his parents quite controlling/autistic/very set in routines

What the actual fuck?

OP, I couldn't be with anyone who didn't change their child's nappy, especially one that used the excuse that it was because they are a girl. LTB.

KnotsInMay · 24/09/2018 08:15

Why did he go off for breakfast by himself?

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 08:19

@KnotsInMay he does it most weekends habit I guess. The kids and I will have breakfast when we get up hours earlier.

OP posts:
anotherangel2 · 24/09/2018 08:19

So he decided to sleep downstairs when the new born arrived. I bet it was so the baby did not wake him.

He sounds awful OP. Does he have any good points?They would have to be amazing to out balance the bad.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 08:24

@anotherangel2
He began sleeping down there when we moved into our new house, counting it more like 7 months now but I ebf so not much for him to do anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 08:25

He does have good points and they mostly out weigh the bad .

OP posts:
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