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Original poster

Carrots

108 replies

Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 06:19

My partner and I haven't spoken all day now, can you please enlighten me to if this is my fault.
Back story together 8 years 2 DC DS 7 DD 3 months
Yesterday i was up at 7 with kids DP was asleep on sofa ( bad back ) till 10:30 then went out to get himself breakfast was gone an hour and a half .
I wanted to cook roast dinner realised that i didn't have potatoes, was gonna walk to Tescos to get some but DP went into garden and dug some up for me. Before he went to breakfast , he also dug up some carrots.
Baby went down for nap so did all prep while she was down to make it easier later, peeled potato made stuffing and Yorkshire batter.
Now to the argument the carrots as they are home grown obviously at different sizes, so I cut tops and tails off and cut the big ones in half left smaller ones whole so cooked at same time.
DP come back from leisurely breakfast and sees carrots. Says I have "ucked them up , why have I cut them , home grown should have the tops on and left whole , why the duck does he have to teach me these things." I said nothing really as no point engaging in it.
The then comes into the front room and starts again . I said "I dont want to hear any more about the carrots and if he doesn't want them them don't eat them" . He them says "that's is your answer to everything if I don't like it them I can jog on and im getting sick of it" I didn't engage once again and went into kitchen and pack up all prepped food and placed it into fridge. Cooked that day for DS offered DP food and tea numerous times always no and other then that havnt spoken other then another incident over weaning as I said u can warm from 4 months but I wanted to wait till 6 to do BWL as you go straight onto "real food " cue DP argument that puree is " real food" I said yes that's not what I meant but didn't engage further as he was just looking for a fight so I went silent he gets annoyed " once again someone tries to teach you something and you don't like it "
So the bloke who has never changed his daughter nappy or bathed either of his children ever is gonna teach me about weaning when I am a mother and early years educator Hmm
Am I the wrong for cutting the carrots ??
Realised this is very long so my apologies.

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 24/09/2018 09:48

Stand up for yourself op, dont be passive.

ApolloandDaphne · 24/09/2018 09:50

It sounds more like you have a lodger than a partner. A not very nice lodger at that. I would like to hear more about his good points?

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 24/09/2018 09:52

You've got another good 50 years or so ahead of you. Is this how you want to spend It?

It doesn't sound like a happy home. And he doesn't sound like he takes any interest in the family. Once the kids are grown and have their own friends and then are out of the house... do you want to be living alone with that, with no children to distract? And it's easier to start again the younger you are.

TheDowagerCuntess · 24/09/2018 09:53

God, OP.

This relationship you're in, it's not normal.

Not by a long stretch.

cholka · 24/09/2018 09:54

He's quite happy for you to spend years of your life doing work that should be shared and tending to him. That's not love. You could be doing other things with that time. You don't have limitless time on the earth.
So are you 25, 26? You really don't have to stick with this aggressive slob the rest of your life.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 09:55

@HidingFromMyKids when I had my son my DP worked he gave me money for food shopping and I played for board to his mum and things my son needed and gas and electric for the house when I began work I increased the board I gave his mum and continued to pay for gas and electric while he continued to pay for shopping and all his expenses
When my partner had to stop work due to medical issues I took over all the bills and supported us completely for 16 months this included when we moved into our own house and began to pay full rent and other bills, he has been back at work for a month now and we split all bills and personal expenses apart from petrol in half he puts the money in my account as the bills are in my name and come from my account and what is left is our own, this work for us. I am on maternity leave currently and worked to 39 weeks to keep us going while he recovered from his surgury, and while it has duck all to do with carrots I feel that I have tried so hard and helped keep us afloat does it really matter if they have there tops on ?

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 24/09/2018 09:57

so he does gardening, digs up carrots and potatoes? all with his bad back?

Sassenach85 · 24/09/2018 09:58

Sorry OP but you sound like half the problem here and much too accepting of very low relationship/partner/father standards ....

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 10:05

@Sassenach85 oh I very much realise this when I first went out with him I use to look up how to be a good house wife on the internet Blush I have completely contributed to this and have tried to change it gradually over the years but how much can I expect him to accept that. I advertised myself as a Stepford Wife and now realising that i can't pretend all my life trying to go back on it . Writing this all done has made me realise how rediculious I have been Blush

OP posts:
Thesexyskeleton · 24/09/2018 10:05

Well he sounds like treat.

You can’t at the moment, but maybe it’s worth starting to think about your life without him, and then make it happen. I’d hate for you to snap and smother him in his sleep.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 10:07

@LittleBookofCalm his back is a lot better then it was he is nearly 12 months post op and has had lots of physio general exercise is good for it the driving isn't so great but we need the money

OP posts:
Blameanamechange · 24/09/2018 10:07

OP you know it doesnt matter about the carrot tops! Does anyone eat them anyway. Hes acting single distancing himself from his family. Is he depressed maybe? Have a chip on his shoulder? Some men feel threatened by an intelligent strong coping women if they arent so confident themselves. Having said that sulking over carrot -gate is ridiculous. Try to make a joke of it with him and gradually try to discuss whats really going on? I know mn are saying hes a dick etc which he is BUT its yr life and if u want yr relationship to work then unfortunately u will have to be the grown up ( cos he wont)and make the first move.

MawkishTwaddle · 24/09/2018 10:08

Carrots are the perfect shape for shoving up arses.

Just saying.

LittleBookofCalm · 24/09/2018 10:12

my thought exactly mawkish Grin

but namechange is right, This is your life, your relationship, us posters can leap on his bad points but you have to get through life with or without him.
communication is the answer op.

Sassenach85 · 24/09/2018 10:12

I'm not intending to be harsh or rude OP it sounds like you are doing way too much and I applaud your ability to manage. But yes.... you have basically created this situation and it's up to you to change it Flowers

kateandme · 24/09/2018 10:15

I'm really sorry to have to say this but I think im sleeping on the sofa it says a lot or signals more problems as well in the marriage then actually being because of the back pain anymore otherwise you wouldn't continue to sleep on the sofa you'd sort something out

averylongtimeago · 24/09/2018 10:20

This isn't about carrots.
You need to have a long hard look at the relationship and think what you want from the rest of your life.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 10:21

@kateandme yes I'm aware of this hence changing the bed so often to try and fix it it's lonley and I said to him I feel like separate sleeping is the beginning of the end (though I know it works great for some) he keeps saying he will come up and does or when he does come up he goes back down coz he can't sleep or o wake him with the baby I just feel like this is unravelling and I don't know how to hold it together

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 24/09/2018 10:28

so what if he wakes the baby, babies wake op. It is hard but it happens.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 24/09/2018 10:32

@LittleBookofCalm

She said he moves because she wakes him up due to the baby, not because he is waking the baby up. Basically, he doesn't want to be inconvenienced by the baby crying so he sleeps downstairs.

He's sounds like a right catch.

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 10:32

@LittleBookofCalm sorry poor grammer the baby wakes DP not the other way round she still wakes 3-4 times a night, when she wakes him he's goes back down stairs because he has to get up early for work which is fair enough.

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 24/09/2018 10:35

ok, so he has two excuses for sleeping downstairs now, but no excuse for breakfasting on his own imo!

Original poster
Dottysmum18 · 24/09/2018 10:39

@LittleBookofCalm his thinking is we have already eaten , it isn't a cafe the shop near us sells breakfast in a box so he gets one and sits in car a local park I find it very odd but I also believe that I am not owed all his time.

OP posts:
PhilomenaButterfly · 24/09/2018 10:39

He's trying to control you. Point out that you're an adult and will do what you fucking want with carrots and with weaning.

Hoppinggreen · 24/09/2018 10:43

If my DH spoke to me like that I know exactly where I would be shoving the carrots
He’s a controlling arse OP, you can do better