Pressure to BF from DH

[coffeeforone]

I'm 40 weeks pregnant with DS2.

With DS1 I had a really hard time establishing breastfeeding, hated every second and gave up after 6 weeks for my own sanity. As soon as I switched I was so much happier and I never looked back. My only regret was not stopping earlier and the main reason I didn't was the immense pressure from HCPs and my DH to continue.

Throughout this pregnancy DH and I have agreed that we will give BF a quick shot, but at the first sign of trouble or if I'm not happy we can switch to formula, even if it's in the first few days.

However, I was just showing DH the contents of my hospital and he is shocked that I've packed a formula starter pack. He now says that he think I should breastfeed DS2 for 6 weeks like we did with DS1, to 'keep it fair'. He thinks we should remove the formula as it will be 'too tempting'. AIBU to refuse to take out the starter pack from the hospital bag?

Well, you're the one with the breasts, so I think you get to choose.

I think you should try and feed your baby colostrum at the very least. Your DH is only trying to think of what is best for the baby which surely is your primary goal too ?

What’s best for the baby is a mother with a good emotional well being.

I think it's nothing to do with your husband really , it's your body so your choice ! And I say that as someone who fed two of my own kids last three years so I don't have any sort of anti breastfeeding agenda !

It should be completely your choice, they’re your breasts. I don’t think it’s about ‘fairness’ it’s about if you can manage it or not.

'keep it fair?!'

Fruitofautimn

“What’s best for the baby” what about what’s best for the mothers mental health?

You do whatever feels right for you. Until he can lactate and feed the baby he can feck off as far as I'm concerned.

Fairness does not come into it. I think it's reasonable to give it another shot, because it can be easier with a second baby, but it is much more important that the baby gets enough food and you get to stay happy, so no, you don't have to give it six weeks if it doesn't work or you can't bear it.

I think men who feel strongly about whether the mother of their child breastfeeds or doesn't are a bit weird to be honest.

Well I was very unfair to mine, the first two were not bf at all , the 3rd I expressed for a couple of months and ds4 was bf until 3. They don’t seem to mind

I think you should do what is best for you. Although you may find bf easier this time round

So you had to give up after 6 weeks for your own sanity and he wants to put you through that for another 6 weeks?
By all means try (as others said colostrum) and you never know it may be much easier this time. Bring the formula as a backup- it's your bag after all and don't be pressured into doing it if you're really unhappy!

'Too tempting' - ugh

Up to you, OP. You do what's best for you.

It's your choice. I found having a formula starter pack made me less stressed about breastfeeding.

Im planning on bf my baby when she gets here to keep it fair. I too hated breastfeeding

You are going to try- seems good enough to me. Maybe he doesnt understand how hard and emotionally draining bf can be?

When your husband can grow breasts and produce milk then he can feed the baby. Until then he doesn't have a say.

DH no get to choose. It's entirely your choice and bugger anyone else's opinion.

I actually feel for him a bit, he’s seen all the ‘breast is best’ stuff too but he can’t physically do it so he’s pressuring you to. On the other hand it is your body and your choice.
Keep the starter pack in, I did the same and ebf until it went out of date. I didn’t find it a temptation, it was a reassurance that if I couldn’t cope it was there. Also though be really clear with DH on how he can help support you and it isn’t morning about formula starter packs! Mine really upped his game and was amazing, he gave me shoulder rubs to help distract me when it hurt, learned to swaddle DSs arms in and latch him for me after he saw the midwife do it, cooked for me and literally fed me through the cluster feeding. This time round I’ll need him to do a lot more with DS. It might all be different things for you.

@FruitofAutumn oh good. Another poster who thinks mothers are failing their children or 'not doing the best for them' if they don't BF

Ignore the sanctimonious comments OP. Of course it is 100% your choice. If you want to give BF a go then great but it should be completely up to you if you want to stop.

Obviously he shouldn't pressure you to do something you don't want to do, it's your body. He just wants what's best for his child though so I wouldn't be too hard on him.

Tell your DH to start lactating and he can bf your baby for 6 weeks! Absolutely do not be pressured into it - do what is right for you.

They're your breasts and it's your choice
Your husband is being unreasonable

I tried and failed to breastfeed dc 1 and Dc2. With dc 3 I decided to see how I felt after the birth and took formula to the hospital with me. The difference in my stress levels having dc3 was massive. I felt so different and under so much less pressure. Straight after the birth I know I wasn't going to even attempt to feed him and decided my mental health was important. I knew how much damage it did first and second time around so I was very comfortable in the decision. My dh understood that he didn't know how hard breastfeeding was so he supported my choice 100%. Because of how hard I found breastfeeding the first few months of dc3 life was such a different experience compared to the other two children purely because I decided not to do it.
You are the one feeding so in my opinion dh doesn't get to decide and there should be no pressure from him.

Your baby, your boobs, your choice.