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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in with partner

85 replies

Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:04

Hi there

Within the foreseeable future the partner wants to move in together but doesn't want to do a joint mortgage application, and would rather they be the only party registering for the mortgage and home ownership, however has said that I could contribute to the utility bills

Now hypothetically speaking, if things broke down I wouldn't have a leg to stand on financially?

I do want us to both live together eventually but not sure this is the right way to go about it?

Thanks

OP posts:
Johndoe10 · 23/09/2018 14:07

It depends.

Will you be moving in to a property that he already bought? I’d there equity in it?

Or will you be buying a house together?

MrsStrowman · 23/09/2018 14:08

Do they already own the property? If they do I understand them wanting to protect their assets of its a fairly new relationship, if not you either get a mortgage together or rent together, or live alone. How long have you been a couple?

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:09

No it will be a purchase to be made next year.

OP posts:
Mrsharrison · 23/09/2018 14:09

It's not really a partnership if you do it that way is it?
Have you asked him his reasons for this? Generally men do this to ptotect themselves financially.
Has he not considered that you want to invest in your future by buying property.
You will be a lodger contributing to the bills.
Don't be a mug.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 23/09/2018 14:10

So they want you to be their tenant, not their partner?

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:10

The OH has been saying all along that the mortgage is to be in their name only...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:11

I think they are being like this due to the fact of a previous relationship breakdown and sale of their last home...

OP posts:
Twotailed · 23/09/2018 14:13

Big red flag - they want to make sure you aren’t financially protected if the relationship goes south. I would be very wary.

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:14

This is what I was thinking, if this is the motive I don't know if there is a future together....

OP posts:
Bambamber · 23/09/2018 14:14

If you went ahead and did that, make sure you don't pay a penny towards a deposit or anything and have savings of your own so if need be you would be able to move out.

My husband and I did this a few years ago before we were married. I had really bad credit so he was the sole person on the mortgage and it was all in his name alone. I paid towards bills and food etc.as I would be paying that anyway, but I didn't contribute towards things like fees or the deposit

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/09/2018 14:15

So he wants to buy a new property but not have you on the mortgage? Would you be contributing to the deposit? Would you be paying all the bills or just your half? I would assume he didn't see this relationship as long term if it was me.

You could use it as an opportunity to save money if he was only asking for half the bill money and no mortgage contributions. But only if you don't see it as long term either.

Do you foresee children? Definitely don't have children in those circumstances, you'd be fucked if you split up! Seriously fucked.

araiwa · 23/09/2018 14:16

If you dont pay the mortgage then you have zero financial risk anyway

Johndoe10 · 23/09/2018 14:17

So it’s s new property you both will be moving in to. He wants to pay all the mortgage and be the sole owner?

Does he expect you to pay 100% utility bill?

It depends on what you want.

He doesn’t want to buy a house with you. You can either move in and be a lodger and pay a share of utility billls or go buy your own house

Johndoe10 · 23/09/2018 14:17

Yes would you be contributing to the deposit?

19lottie82 · 23/09/2018 14:18

Just put the money you would have been paying into a savings account, so if you do ever break up, you have a back up plan.

user1492863869 · 23/09/2018 14:18

It is a way to go about it if all you want is to live together. The downside you would be just be in a renter's position without the tenancy rights. As you are not married you are likely to split up. In which case where would you go and what would you live off?

Do you have your own aspirations to own a property? If so does this move enable, delay or prevent this?

If it lets you save and have a nice home it could be an option but you need to mitigate the risk of a split. Rent wise pay no more than half the cost of room rental in your local area. Split bills evenly and don't pay for anything you wouldn't in a rental, nothing. If it costs more than you current living costs and puts you at risk, its not worth it. Stay over and scrounge his food whilst saving for your own deposit.

It's a good deal for him as he gets to reduce his living costs. Relationshipwise; He is clearly saying that right now and into the foreseeable future is planning and saving for himself. You should do the same. Living together won't make you a couple in this regard.

LanceStatersGold · 23/09/2018 14:19

Are you in a position to buy a property on your own whether you move in with him or not? Because if you do see a future but want to protect yourself that may be a good way to secure your future.

Although I would be questioning his commitment to you. You could buy together and have deeds of trust etc but his blanket stance is concerning.

Shoxfordian · 23/09/2018 14:19

Bad plan
You need to be on the mortgage and you need to jointly own the house. Don't consider moving in if not.

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:19

I've not spoken of funding anything towards the mortgage deposit etc but I wouldn't anyway. I don't know what level of contribution towards the bills would be either.

When I approached the subject earlier on, it was just a case of may as well be in one name only.

OP posts:
Twotailed · 23/09/2018 14:20

If you dont pay the mortgage then you have zero financial risk anyway

I disagree - if OP pays all bills (not just her half) she might be paying as much as the mortgage anyway but with nothing to show for it in ten years time

swingofthings · 23/09/2018 14:21

How much would you be contributing to the deposit and would you be able to afford 50% of the mortgage and bills? How long have you been together?

hidinginthenightgarden · 23/09/2018 14:21

I'm not sure I would be happy with this. If you aren't paying into the mortgage then you likely wont have a say on furniture, decorating or any other major decision making either.

Johndoe10 · 23/09/2018 14:21

So just going off your last post - you will just be a lodger. So yes he could just kick you out if he wanted to

Bluelady · 23/09/2018 14:21

I wouldn't do it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 23/09/2018 14:22

If he's paying the full deposit I can understand his reasoning tbh but there are ways around that. My DP and I have been looking into buying a house however I have the deposit and he has no savings. I have been told that there are things that can be drawn up legally to protect my
deposit.

It doesn't sound like you've really talked about much and you need to have a proper conversation about this from deposits to bills.

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