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AIBU?

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Original poster

Moving in with partner

85 replies

Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 14:04

Hi there

Within the foreseeable future the partner wants to move in together but doesn't want to do a joint mortgage application, and would rather they be the only party registering for the mortgage and home ownership, however has said that I could contribute to the utility bills

Now hypothetically speaking, if things broke down I wouldn't have a leg to stand on financially?

I do want us to both live together eventually but not sure this is the right way to go about it?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 15:07

Ofcourse I'd only do that if it would be joint.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 23/09/2018 15:07

When I moved in with my dp (now dh) we moved in on an even footing. This included joint finances. If it had been any other way I wouldn't have moved in. To me moving in was on the basis of the same commitment as marriage. Start as you mean to go on as it will be more difficult to change in the future.

Of course he wants to protect his finances, but so should you, equally.

The saying goes, two can live a cheaply as one. So he gets the security of sole ownership of your home and an investment increasing in value while you pay 1/2 the bills? No chance.

theworldistoosmall · 23/09/2018 15:08

I would agree to this with the following:-
I do not contribute to any deposit, fees, or mortgage payments
I do not contribute to any works that may need doing
I do not purchase any paint, curtains, furniture, flooring etc
I pay half the bills and grocery shopping.

The money I saved I would then put into MY own savings account.

I will never have a partner on my tenancy or mortgage again. When I was with my ex-husband, it wasn't a case of kicking him out when he beat me. I had to either go or legally get him removed which takes time. When my ex-turned on me, he wasn't on anything and I could legally and easily get rid of him. I was still giving a statement and getting examined when they locks were changed.

It wasn't because I didn't see the ex as a long-term thing, but I wanted to protect myself from just in case. And after 15 years of living together, it was so much easier to have a clean break.

theworldistoosmall · 23/09/2018 15:12

Oh and no way would I have ever bought without first living with someone.
Imagine going through the expense of buying a property together and find that the other person is a tightwad, lazy person. That you aren't compatible to live with each other. That you want the show home all the time, and the other person doesn't mind a bit of clutter. Nightmare and expensive to walk away from.

Akanamali · 23/09/2018 15:16

As long as he's asking you to pay your share of the bills and nothing towards the house his suggestion is fair. You can save the money you would have paid towards the deposit/mortgage or buy your own property and rent it out.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/09/2018 15:19

*I would agree to this with the following:-
I do not contribute to any deposit, fees, or mortgage payments
I do not contribute to any works that may need doing
I do not purchase any paint, curtains, furniture, flooring etc
I pay half the bills and grocery shopping.

The money I saved I would then put into MY own savings account.*

I'd amend that slightly to not paying for repairs, improvements, decorating or fixtures and fittings. (I'd be OK with furniture and 'removables'.) I'd still want any of these to be jointly agreed as it is after all my home and I'm not actually a lodger.

And it'd be a proportionate share of utility and food bills (based on income).

And everything to be renegotiated in the event of children. (Where I'd expect to jointly own the home and share my savings.)

I understand his need to protect himself and think I'd be the same. But it works both ways.

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 15:25

I guess the above is fairly said by Akanamali and DPO

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 23/09/2018 15:26

You could consider tenants in common and paying towards it? I wonder if this is a sign he doesn't want to fully invest or he's just protecting himself (fair enough) without thinking about you too (not team work).

Winebottle · 23/09/2018 15:33

It can work if you just need to make sure your financial interests are protected.

I moved in with a partner who bought the house, paid for it all and I paid half the bills. I got to live rent free and saved the money I would have spent on rent. If we had split up I would have had more savings than I would have had anyway. We are now married.

I don't see how living rent free can ever be a bad thing financially. You are getting something for nothing.

Airaforce · 23/09/2018 15:35

If you both want to protect your finances and buy together then I'd buy as tenants in common rather than joint owners.

www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership

theworldistoosmall · 23/09/2018 15:37

Oh, and I wouldn't be paying towards building insurance either.
Simply put I would be paying a contribution towards bills (excluding the insurance) and food/toiletries/cleaning.

bellinisurge · 23/09/2018 15:39

No. Not unless you save a buffer for yourself privately first. Red flag for me.

notdaddycool · 23/09/2018 15:42

It reasonable if he pays all purchase costs, carpets etc and any furniture is owned by one or other if you. Also you can pay half bills. You could make a token rent payment but this should be kept small so you can save up for what could become your own deposit on a home or a fund you spend on either doing up the house or paying down the mortgage next time it’s up for renewal if you’re ready for joint ownership or maybe even a deposit on a buy to let. Justification for keeping it small is you’re forgoing the chance to get on the property ladder yourself.

happypoobum · 23/09/2018 15:57

I agree with DPO. However, have you thought about buying a property just in your name and renting it out? This would mean you wouldn't have the worry of being out of the property market whilst you live with him

I have a funny feeling he won't like that suggestion either though.

And whatever you do, do not have children with this man unless you are married.

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 16:18

I'm already looking for a property to mortgage in my own right. I have enough to deposit it, and able to afford the upkeep etc etc.

Not sure how the OH would react to this.

OP posts:
RyderWhiteSwan · 23/09/2018 16:21

You don't seem to know him well at all!

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 16:28

I can do what I like with my money :)

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 23/09/2018 16:35

Why are you even thinking of moving in with someone whose reaction you’re not pretty sure of, and who you’re not comfortable discussing this with properly? Hmm

KanielOutis · 23/09/2018 16:40

If you're in a position to get your own mortgage, why don't you turn the tables? You buy the house and he can move in with you. He's happy with the set up, so surely he will be happy in reverse.

ForalltheSaints · 23/09/2018 16:43

I see red flags with this proposal. Has the OPs partner had some bad relationship breakdown in the past, which cost him a lot of money?

Akanamali · 23/09/2018 16:44

@happypoobum what makes you think he wouldn't like that suggestion?

Original poster
Mardybum18 · 23/09/2018 16:46

When I'm ready I'll turn the tables for sure, and suggest a joint mortgage., if that fails, i'll deliver the offer of OH pays the bills and I pay mortgage and have the house solely in my name, and if that fails well, end of the road I think...

OP posts:
Akanamali · 23/09/2018 16:47

If you're in a position to get your own mortgage, why don't you turn the tables? You buy the house and he can move in with you. He's happy with the set up, so surely he will be happy in reverse

This is a good suggestion and his reaction would decide whether I moved in with him or not. Unless he's able to afford a bigger/better house than the OP and this would mean moving into a small 2 bed house/flat rather than a 4 bedroom semi.

Kazplus2 · 23/09/2018 16:53

Why don't you suggest that you buy and put it in your name only and he can contribute to bills and see what his view is then?

happypoobum · 23/09/2018 16:58

akanamali

I had a friend in this position. When her solicitor father suggested she buy her own flat and rent it out whilst following her boyfriends suggestion of living in his house, he suddenly decided she would be benefiting from the deal unfairly.