To ask what you do all day with your (demanding) toddlers?

[Hoardernomore]

Dd is 2.8
She gets up about 7am and doesn’t go to bed ubtil 9.30pm. She doesn’t nap and hasn’t since she was 18 months.
She is very good at playing, in a way ds didnt, but she wants me to play with her a lot of the time. As she is awake for 14+ hours a day and doesn’t nap I’m finding it hard to get anything done as once she’s finally asleep between 9.30 and 10pm as I’ve tidied up a bit I’m ready for bed myself.
She loves to play with tiny things, her dolls’ house, sylvanians, shopkins and she will play for 4/5 hours in one go, going back to her game if interrupted for lunch for example. However she wants me to play too - I reckon I’m doing about 6 hours of heavy involved 1:1 play at the moment! We go out quite a bit so most of the time I’m in the house I’m having to play. The only way out is the tv or the iPad (she’s currently watching tv), and even that isn’t reliable as she isn’t that fussed a lot of the time. If I start off playing and then say ‘I’m going to do x and will come back after’ she just cries and calls me and follows me round the whole time. Sometimes she gets very involved in what she’s doing and forgets I’m not there and will play on her own but that doesn’t help very often.

I’m losing the will to live. There’s only so many times I can play at baby squirrel wanting his toys and Aunty rabbit losing her purse. Argh! I don’t remember this with ds but he didn’t play in the same way. By this age he liked games too, like snap and pairs. Dd has absolutely no interest. Neither will she build, do jigsaws, colour (will paint) or look at books on her own. She is ALL about small world play. Even when she goes to bed she will go up crying because she’s had to stop playing and in the morning will get up and resume where she left off.

How do people occupy their toddlers (apart from with a screen)? I’m finding 14 hour days a lot and even though we go out for several hours a day to groups etc it’s still leaving me with a fair bit of time in the house AND the weather is going to get worse.

I can't imagine there's many kids that age that do independent play really.When DS was that age I remember thinking it's like having a dog, just needs, constant exercise, food and sleep. I used to spend about 3 hours at a time outdoors with him, run them ragged.

I hired someone who actually liked playing to play for a few hours per day (i had a demanding playful toddler too) to regain my sanity. I would just watch them from afar so I could get on with cooking, grocery shopping,get my hair done etc...

My 1,5 yr old son (ds2) goes out a lot, outdoor 3-4 hours per day, watching tractors carrying bricks (a construction site nearby), watching fish swimming in a pond nearby, feeding rabbits.. then we do after lunch bath (30min long) to kill time and tire him out before nap time! He naps 2 hours (big relief).. then snacks then play again.. i have a nanny who takes over when I get tired of playing.. so I can do 3 hours cooking (which I do every day).. I like cooking so often experiment with ingredients, I also bake a lot.

I would definitely try some playgroups where you stay but she gets to play in a different environment and with other children. I have twins who were like this and they were like puppies, needed feeding and walking every couple of hours! Now they’re 8 and I miss my puppies! They’re still very energetic and noisy though!

I found that the most effective way to deal with this with my son was to say I'd have time to do his desired activity if he could help me finish my task, e.g. He'll clear stuff of the floor or surfaces so I can clean and then put it back or help clear the table after lunch.

He likes books too, so I pretend to read all the ones I know by heart while I'm doing housework and he'll sit nearby and turn the pages. He doesn't do as much small world play though so I don't know if there would be a way to something similar for that.

Gosh that sounds intense. Could you invite any little friends over to play with her for a couple of hours? Would at least give you a break!

I agree with pp who suggested trampoline before supper instead of after. Exercise in the 2 hours before bed can stimulate them, they will need time to settle If she trambolines first she would probably eat a big meal then shortly after into a bath, if she drinks milk, a cup of warm milk, then pj's and into bed for stories, she may conk right out. Good luck!

I mentioned to dh about being able to go out in the evening and he said ‘yes fine if you can get dd to bed first’
I said that’s not very fair and he said ‘it isn’t fair that I have to go to work, life’s a bastard isn’t it?’
Helpful
It’s because I’m a SAHM - consequently everything re the kids is mine. 24/7

What a shit thing to say.

What does he think you do all day? Swoon onto a chaise longue and eat grapes? Disrespectful twat.

Unfortunately it is pretty much his stock response on being asked to do anything regarding the children.

Op, whilst you sound like a lovely mum, you are letting her be a little dictator!

Enforce the bedtime, be really consistant, any 3 yr old needs at least 12 hours sleep if she is not napping.

If she will not sleep at 7.30pm, then enforce a bedtime quiet play in her bed at that time, with favourite small toys etc....if she gets out, tell her you will not play with her the next day and keep putting her back not engaging other than to say its quiet time now, and repeat, and repaet....good luck you deserve a break.

and your DH is an ignorant arse.

Oh for goodness's sake. How did things get like this with DH - what on earth kind of upbringing did he receive that he has no idea that parenting is a) very tiring and b) a team activity? Even my fairly old-school and not at all hands on 80 year old DDad isn't/wasn't that crap!!

You are going to have to hire some help and make DH pay.

I shall channel my inner Yoda. Sort this you must!

Honestly with that shitty answer I would just go out for a night and leave him to it. He can get his DD to sleep for once.
His WOHM job finishes at what time, 5.30, 6pm? He should be sharing duties with you after that time. What an arsehole.

@Hoardernomore ok you need to book a girls holiday and let him figure out the hard way how tough it is minding kids! I would have clocked him if he said that to me. It's not helpful or constructive at all in helping find solutions and ye should both be doing that! Not just you on your own.

Ultimate Toddler Fighting.

My dd was similar at that age but without the concentration span to play for a long time. I was on mat leave with dd2 when dd1 was 2 to 3 and the days were very long indeed!

Your dp needs to step up and let you go out for the evening. Work backwards from a big evening out by going out for short periods.

I'd go out twice a day every day, either that or full days out further afield. A class or swimming or soft play or playgroup or library or friend's house etc. Doesn't solve the problem of not getting housework done but it'll be more fun for you and you might have down time to read while she's playing.

Send to nursery
Great back to work
Or send to a playgroup

6 hours of toddler play
I salute you

Something that used to occupy mine for HOURS was the bathroom sink full of water and plastic bowls, wooden spoons, whisks etc in it. Maybe even a squirt of washing up liquid if I was feeling generous! We had one of those step-stools and I’d plonk her on that in front of the sink and know that I had a good while to myself while she poured and whisked and made bubbles.

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship and for both your and your chikdrens’ sake you should consider divorce