To ask what you do all day with your (demanding) toddlers?

[Hoardernomore]

Dd is 2.8
She gets up about 7am and doesn’t go to bed ubtil 9.30pm. She doesn’t nap and hasn’t since she was 18 months.
She is very good at playing, in a way ds didnt, but she wants me to play with her a lot of the time. As she is awake for 14+ hours a day and doesn’t nap I’m finding it hard to get anything done as once she’s finally asleep between 9.30 and 10pm as I’ve tidied up a bit I’m ready for bed myself.
She loves to play with tiny things, her dolls’ house, sylvanians, shopkins and she will play for 4/5 hours in one go, going back to her game if interrupted for lunch for example. However she wants me to play too - I reckon I’m doing about 6 hours of heavy involved 1:1 play at the moment! We go out quite a bit so most of the time I’m in the house I’m having to play. The only way out is the tv or the iPad (she’s currently watching tv), and even that isn’t reliable as she isn’t that fussed a lot of the time. If I start off playing and then say ‘I’m going to do x and will come back after’ she just cries and calls me and follows me round the whole time. Sometimes she gets very involved in what she’s doing and forgets I’m not there and will play on her own but that doesn’t help very often.

I’m losing the will to live. There’s only so many times I can play at baby squirrel wanting his toys and Aunty rabbit losing her purse. Argh! I don’t remember this with ds but he didn’t play in the same way. By this age he liked games too, like snap and pairs. Dd has absolutely no interest. Neither will she build, do jigsaws, colour (will paint) or look at books on her own. She is ALL about small world play. Even when she goes to bed she will go up crying because she’s had to stop playing and in the morning will get up and resume where she left off.

How do people occupy their toddlers (apart from with a screen)? I’m finding 14 hour days a lot and even though we go out for several hours a day to groups etc it’s still leaving me with a fair bit of time in the house AND the weather is going to get worse.

My ds would go to bed at 7pm but wake up at 4am. Didn’t matter what I did, nothing would work. So I just went with the flow, I went to bed early too, and did the ironing at 4am, and got used to it. Then when he changed I was out of sorts haahaa

Oh my god itsnotme you poor thing!

Have a read of this...
www.janetlansbury.com/2015/04/help-my-toddler-cant-play-without-me/
Life changing for me. From an incredibly clingy 18 month d came an incredibly independent playing 2 and 3 year old.

Seriously your partner needs to pull his finger out

You need some adult time with your friends before your mental Health collapses

I found the only time my dd would play by herself was at bedtime. Because it was better in her opinion than going to bed. So I'd say 'right bedtime' much earlier than I intended to put her to bed. And then she would sit in her room playing while I tidied up. If she asked me to play I'd say 'no its bedtime, come on into bed'. And I think she gradually learnt that if she kept quiet and played she could stay up later. So you could try saying that at 7.30/8pm and then have an hour to yourself and then actually put her to bed about 9. Worth a try?

It’s a good suggestion to tell her it’s play on her own or bed. Thank you. I’m going to try that. She is cute enough to realise that playing on her own is the better option.

I genuinely believe it is pointless trying to force her to slee earlier. I did try for about 10 nights but at the end of it she was still going to sleep at 9.30pm but I was enduring an hour and a half of ‘I’m not tired!’ ‘I want to come downstairs’ ‘I want to play’ and then hysterical crying.
9.30pm seems to be where her body clock naturally falls.

Could you try getting her on the trampoline in the afternoon rather than after tea? I find that if I let mine do rough and tumble after dinner they get so wound up that it takes them longer to calm down for bed. Not that I'm an expert by any means!!

We go out. If I'm not at work, we're out, and it has to be by 9:30am at the latest.

Or we have friends in, and they play together while the adults chat.

I love DS, but he is a hard days work.

Can she attend nursery or not on weekdays?

At the weekends my son and daughter like to get up around eight am. I have purchased toys, art supplies and picture/audio books to keep them busy learning something.

They now sit down at the kitchen table in a highchair or on the couch reading or playing with their toys. During the day I take all three children out somewhere for fresh air and exercise. My stepdaughter keeps a eye on them for me for a while.

If it’s wet we dance or go to a soft play place. They love running around and letting off steam and I seize the opportunity to have a adult conversation with other parents. And a drink.

OP clearly you are reading the replies on here but refusing to engage with the messages that talk about your partner. Why? Have you asked for more support?

@Hoardernomore are you a stay at home Mum? Have you thought about childminding? Your dd would have kids to play with and you're not getting any time to yourself anyway!

It'll be easier when you get your free nursery hours once she's 3,they are a godsend for mummy sanity lol

Unfortunately there’s no point discussing my partner as he won’t change. It is how it is. So I need to find ways of managing it myself until dd is a little older and more independent.

OP do you have any children's centres in your area? Locally to me the children's centres do free courses for parents and offer free childcare during the course duration. So say 2 hours were you are in a room of adults being you not mum and your dd is getting some social time. Even if the course isn't something you've dreamed of doing it's a bit of time out and good all round.

Just a thought, I know it will depend on area but it's something to look into maybe.

I have a ds with asd and one on the way, it's easy to become swamped in putting everyone else's wants and needs first and forgetting about you.

I like the idea of offering your DD two choices as another poster suggested. e.g. would you like to help me with this boring chore or play with your toys, would you like to play with your toys or go to bed, and then would you like a story or just straight to sleep. Give her some say in things but in a way that works for you. Yes you may still get some hooha from her but just ignore it knowing it's for a short time.

My DS was very clingy when younger and I would make a cup of tea and sit still with it, or say I was doing a certain chore and that I couldn't play or carry him just now. Putting your needs first for 20-30 minutes with a verbal child of this age won't hurt them.

Your dd sounds like my ds! He's jut 2.5 and he's like a puppy, if he doesn't get a colossal amount of running around time, he is unmanageable. Swimming, bikes, running in parks, anything, no matter what the weather. If he gets a few good hours out of doors, he sleeps 7pm-5am, if not, he's up till 8:30 and awake at 4. He has never needed all that much sleep.

He gets out to a park first thing in the morning after breakfast, then it's nursery, then it's home-dinner-park/bike ride/running around the flat-bath-snack-bed. Having quiet wind-down time has never worked for us. He is either running full tilt or he's fast sleep, no in between. It is utterly exhausting.

Other things that help (both him and me) include anything novel: A giant box from a friend's big purchase became a fire truck, and then a fort, and then a skating rink, and then DS learned how to do the recycling (about a three-week span for the whole thing); a wading pool became a hiding spot and then a blanket nest for reading. Nappy boxes have become work tops, then get painted and become train tables, and then become work tops again. Things get covered in papier mache and painted. We make garlands and ornaments and a huge piles of tat (much of which will go to the grandparents/uncles/aunts/cousins for the holidays).

happyhooligans.ca/ is an extremely helpful site for crafting-from-junk stuff like this.

Good luck, OP! I hope you get a rest soon!

Are you a SAHP? You deserve a break. During naps I ask my stepdaughter to play with them for a while. Or they do arts and crafts together. We also encourage free play too. Basically the idea is to use materials like a cardboard box or a empty toilet roll is covered up and turned into something else. Papier-mâché works well. I also reduce the cost of entertaining them with free family events as well. 2 for 1 tickets also works. Swimming lessons at our local leisure centre definitely tire them out. Or mini hiking with a little picnic lunch. I definitely recommend seeing what’s available at your local leisure centre.

I feel your pain OP! I think you have to work on getting her to play independently. It's hard, but worth it I think. Tell her you will play with her for 30 mins (or whatever) and then after that it will be "kid playtime" (we call it that so it doesn't sound as bad as you playing by yourself) . Then for the 30 minutes you are playing with her give her your absolute full attention (no checking your phone etc or playing half heartedly) . Set a timer. Then when it's over, you give her a big hug, say it was really fun, but now it is kid playtime and you are going to do your own thing. And then ignore her. She will tantrum, cry etc. Remind her a couple of times that it is kid playtime, and that you are doing your own thing now and that you will play later. Then ignore ignore and don't get into a battle over it. Eventually she will learn to play without you and that is an important skill to learn. The key though is that she needs a couple of really good bursts of playing with you each day (20-30 mins each time of your full attention at this age) so she doesn't feel neglected etc. Be consistent and firm and don't engage in any battles or drama over it. Good luck!

Holy crap that's a long day. I know it can be costly but swimming really really is exhausting! Could you take her one or two times a week to see would that tire her out? Also could you walk to school a few times a week or walk to tumble etc? The only way I can get my toddler to bed early and to sleep through is to get out of the house rain or shine and walk the legs off her. Could you set specific times during the day for outdoor play? Also just a side note but exercise before bedtime can give more adrenaline even for adults, could you move the trampoline time to middle of the day or afternoon perhaps and before dinner?

I read your post and instantly assumed you were a single mum.

Why is he not parenting alongside you?

You have a DH problem.

You have my sympathy OP

Those saying she just needs a bedtime routine, just put her down earlier etc are not helpful. I bet you all know adults who struggle with sleep, why assume all toddlers are capable/need 12 hours?
(My DD is just about to turn 2. People are horrified by how late she goes to bed. 10pm is a real success in our house! She seems to sleep lots in winter and very little in summer. It's enough for her, so I try to ignore the judgement!)

Unfortunately, playing alone is a skill kids learn, and it takes time. She might learn it faster if you push her to it. Personally I think the timer is a great idea, but 30,minutes is a very long time for a toddler that just doesn't have much skill at playing alone. I'd start with five mins (even though this doesn't let you get anything much done). Even if she cries for most of that you're reinforcing that you come back when the timer goes off. Short intervals means you can do it several times during the day, so she'll understand it sooner. A nice visual timer gives her a learning opportunity too.

I'm sorry to hear your DH doesn't support you. As you say, that's not something you want to deal with right now, but it must be very frustrating for you.

Do you have local friends that can come over for a play date? Might give you the opportunity for a cup of tea and your DD will learn different ways of playing with her peers that may help to develop her ability to play independently. Your local sure start centre is a great place to meet similarly desperate parents!

Don't feel bad for her watching TV if you need a bit of a break. If it makes you feel better, you can put something educational on. We don't have TV in our house, but we do have DVDs and I enjoy that I have control over what DD sees. Vaguely educational things that you might like to try: Mr Tumble, Alphablocks, SuperSimpleSongs (if you don't mind an American accent). My DD will potter in front of them for 15-20 minutes with her attention half on it so I can stack the dishwasher. Longer things like Disney films are still waaaaaaay beyond her attention span.

I second the getting out and about comment. Get your DD a decent snowsuit and you can go out anytime! Mine wears hers when it is raining so she can still go to the playground. Make sure you've got decent footwear so her toes don't get chilly, I find toddlers shoes aren't great for staying warm if you're out for a long time.

Everything is easier with company. You need some support from someone, don't do this alone. There are other mums out there that would love to share the difficulties of toddlers with you.

Good luck!

Also therapy. You also have a DH problem too. My son and daughter do not watch much television during the day time. There are children’s activities out there have a look to see what suits her best and go from there.

Can you involve her in basic cooking lessons at home or not? Another option is to head to a local park or library for a while. My local leisure centre recently started toddler ballet and archery lessons we are going on Thursday morning to find out about them. Storytelling at a local library works well with my two. DS loves art so for his birthday I will also sign him up for preschool art lessons in the spring. It will be my present for him. For DD I’m going to try drama or music tuition. It’s worth finding out if there are lessons locally or not.

Best of luck. I know it’s not easy. Especially if your partner is not willing to help you but you can do this. Have a chat with him about your feelings. If nothing happens you should probably leave him.

Gosh that is a long day and you have my sympathy. I am not impressed with your partner though. You are basically 'working' 14 hour days 5 days a week and while I haven't read the full thread, I am guessing you do the lion's share at the weekends too. If I were you I would tell him (not ask) that in order to maintain your mental health DD will be attending a nursery once a week. And you will be taking up a regular activity one night a week. Sit in a supermarket café with a book if you have to. I mean, you are doing more hours per week than I used to when I was a full time teacher with a hefty commute and I didn't use to have spend them playing very long games of make-believe but got to teach something I found interesting! And DH still "allowed" me to attend choir once a week, because he understands that everyone needs a break once in a while. If your partner can't change then he can certainly put some money or time where his mouth is. I get so fed up with people who say they "can't" do something like put a child to bed. No-one is born with childcare skills and practice makes perfect.

Sorry for lack of paragraphs but the site doesn't seem to be allowing line breaks at the moment.

Oh god, mine is the same at 3.5. Wants us to play constantly. We get him out as much as possible and also goes to preschool 3 days a week.

Time for nursery I think!