To ask what you do all day with your (demanding) toddlers?

[Hoardernomore]

Dd is 2.8
She gets up about 7am and doesn’t go to bed ubtil 9.30pm. She doesn’t nap and hasn’t since she was 18 months.
She is very good at playing, in a way ds didnt, but she wants me to play with her a lot of the time. As she is awake for 14+ hours a day and doesn’t nap I’m finding it hard to get anything done as once she’s finally asleep between 9.30 and 10pm as I’ve tidied up a bit I’m ready for bed myself.
She loves to play with tiny things, her dolls’ house, sylvanians, shopkins and she will play for 4/5 hours in one go, going back to her game if interrupted for lunch for example. However she wants me to play too - I reckon I’m doing about 6 hours of heavy involved 1:1 play at the moment! We go out quite a bit so most of the time I’m in the house I’m having to play. The only way out is the tv or the iPad (she’s currently watching tv), and even that isn’t reliable as she isn’t that fussed a lot of the time. If I start off playing and then say ‘I’m going to do x and will come back after’ she just cries and calls me and follows me round the whole time. Sometimes she gets very involved in what she’s doing and forgets I’m not there and will play on her own but that doesn’t help very often.

I’m losing the will to live. There’s only so many times I can play at baby squirrel wanting his toys and Aunty rabbit losing her purse. Argh! I don’t remember this with ds but he didn’t play in the same way. By this age he liked games too, like snap and pairs. Dd has absolutely no interest. Neither will she build, do jigsaws, colour (will paint) or look at books on her own. She is ALL about small world play. Even when she goes to bed she will go up crying because she’s had to stop playing and in the morning will get up and resume where she left off.

How do people occupy their toddlers (apart from with a screen)? I’m finding 14 hour days a lot and even though we go out for several hours a day to groups etc it’s still leaving me with a fair bit of time in the house AND the weather is going to get worse.

I agree with everything SortingtheDrawers said. Would a bit more structure help? Like a little routine where you play for a bit then she knows you have to do XYZ.

Most of my life at that age was spent trying to tire my very energetic DD out. Trampoline was a great buy! But get outside in all weathers

Good luck!

P.s. it gets easier once you get your funded hours

Oops x-posted.

Also, Your DH should help out in the evenings, it’s his child and you are allowed a life too.

Do you get other kids over for play dates? And try as many classes/playgroups as possible to fill the time.

Your DP refuses to help? What? Is he her dad?

We have wee crèches that you can leave them for two hours it costs a couple of pounds and it could give you time to just sit and have a brew and a breather while someone else entertains her. Plus it will make nursery easier in January as I'm assuming that's when she will get her funding.

This is one reason I got a full time job, I find playing pretend games all day very tiring, boring and draining. She goes to nursery now and the staff are great at imaginative play!

Is going back to work an option?

Failing that, have lots of play dates particularly if your friends have slightly older kids who will play with her. Tempt the mums back with really nice fresh coffee and a lavish selection of cakes 😆

Or playgroups, just don't get into the habit of sitting on the floor with her or she'll expect you to join in!!

He finds her and ds a lot. He says he can only deal with one of them. So if she’s already asleep it would be ok but if they are both still up it’s too much. Ds is hard work too, he is on the autistic spectrum, albeit he is high functioning.

I’m finding it all a little intense.
She’s still watching tv though, she has come to ask me to play several times but has gone back to the tv. I’m not sure if this is a victory or not?!

How much exercise does she get? My 2.5 year old spends very little time playing inside the house - long walks, parks, trampoline, soft play, swimming - he needs running like you would a dog. He’s then exhausted by 7pm and straight asleep. If he has a day sat indoors it’s a nightmare trying to get him to sleep.

Agree that you need to try and sort bedtime, my toddler DD can be very demanding but the whining ramps up when she's tired, 9 hours sleep doesn't sound like enough for her age.
Mine likes to follow me round but is helpful with pegging washing out etc, if she doesn't want to help she brings toys into the room I'm in and we chat while she plays. I do spend a lot of time saying i can't do xyz at the moment, mummy is busy, you can help or play on your own then try and ignore the complaints
We usually go out for a few hours either in the morning, then I plan one creative activity in the afternoon like painting, baking, sticker books or playdoh etc and make sure I give her my full attention. Middle of the day she sometimes naps but she's also starting to refuse them so if there's no sleep we do downtime of books and a short film after lunch.

I have a child just like this too OP so I completely understand. It is amazing how different children can be and parents with children that are less demanding seriously struggle to understand just how difficult it is to get anything done with a child that requires constant attention. You basically have the choice of either ignoring them and feeling like the worst parent ever whilst they whine and whinge or constantly engaging with them which is mind numbing and time consuming. The amount of times people have said something along the lines of "just leave them to it and they will find their own fun in the end" . Its as if they think you haven't encouraged independent play and haven't tried leaving them to their own devices...

My DD is now slightly older than your DD and I have noticed some improvements. I think some of this has just because she's matured a bit so can play some of these games on her own without requiring constant adult input but also preschool definitely helped.

We do forest school, dance, tumble tots and play group. I try and take her for a walk every day - about a mile - and she goes in the garden on the trampoline every day if it’s not chucking it down. Usually the trampoline is for a while after tea in the evening in an attempt to tire her out!

I feel your pain OP. Give me any activity apart from imaginative play!
You should really look into the bedtime routine- be consistent and she will go up to bed earlier. You could try watching some of the programs on TV that guide you how to do it. Do you live in the UK? There is a wonderful charity called homestart. They provide you with a volunteer who can either look after your child each week for a couple of hours (even just in the house while you are there) or can help you with housework. I have had a few friends use the service and they all found it really benefitical. Other than that- it would have a to strict rules and a reward chart- mummy will not play with you until the timer goes off, if you get up to mischief then you will not get a star etc. It is a phase though and it will pass.

Id try and bring the bed time forward 5 mins a day.
Our play group was £10 a morning so cheaper than a nursery. Do you claim dla for your ds?

That sounds exhausting OP and you are fabulous to spend all that time playing (I can manage about 15 minutes of pretend play before I slowly start going insane! So 4 to 6 hours is truly amazing and you must be an great mum! :) !)

DS1 has always been a Duracell boy - never ending energy! They only thing to give us longer sleeps and shorter days, was exercise! Mainly outdoor exercise, but swimming a good one too.

At that age swimming with you is doable, as well as lots of walking, balance biking or ride on cars etc.. using the playparks, looking for bugs, trampolining, toddler gym, toddler football etc....

While you are wonderful for doing so much sitting down small play with DD, I think more running around might help you solve the sleep problem and ware her out a bit more!

How old is your other child? Will she not play with them?

Can she help you with house work and getting stuff done around the house?

When mine were 2, they got free hours childcare, 2.5 hours a day so honestly, this was when I got stuff done when my youngest went to nursery. Mine are quite close in age so generally are happy to entertain one another now while I'm off doing jobs. They're 3 and 5.

No my oldest is 9 so they won’t okay together. They’ve nothing in common. And because he has additional issues himself it makes it worse.

We do go out a lot and she is active but because she’s awake for 14 hours a day we do end up being home for at least half of that.

I guess I need to hold out for nursery!

I sympathise OP as my DD is very similar in still loving the small world/imaginative play and she is nearly 10. I find that if i say, ok I'll do that story with you for 20 mins but then I've got to go and clean the bathroom (for example ) then that's better than listening to the complaining and disappointment. So small chunks of time if you get me. When she was much younger I used to stand her at the kitchen sink with a bowl of bubbles and she would happily play with various utensils and plastic toys while I cooked and sang along to the radio. I'd give her leftover pastry to colour and slosh about in water as well.....messy but worth it. It is relentlessly draining when they're younger - but since she's started school the teachers have always mentioned her creativity and great vocab. And you have a great relationship with her. So there are upsides to be proud of.

I tried the bringing bedtime forward very gradually, and it just resulted in DD waking up gradually earlier and earlier. So I got no extra time, it's just the actual slot of her sleeping time got a bit earlier, which made no real difference. You could try it, OP, but if she doesn't need more sleep, she just doesn't. Some kids don't. I'm massively jealous of all those parents who have children who sleep 11 hours a night, and think it's just a case of being stricter. I haven't had an evening to myself since DD was born....

One thing I will say is that hopefully you will find she starts to entertain herself more very soon, as they seem to start being happier to do this between about 3 and 3.6.

I have found we can vary the activity a bit, for my sanity and to broaden DD's interests, by making stuff for the stories we are gojng to do with the small world figures. E.g. making food out of play doh for a party. Colouring big pieces of paper, and adding stickers, to make a beach and a sea, etc etc

I went back to work...
Much easier being a full time teacher than a SAHM of a toddler.

Agree you need to get bedtime sorted and have her in bed by 7.30 pm at the latest. You are the boss here and she needs her sleep and you need your evenings back. I suggest tiring her out, lots of outdoor time activities and lots of walking.

The only way I get anything done when DD is at home is You Tube, games on tablets or grandad being here to play with her. He loves playing dolls or pretend play with soft toys, I hate it! I try to steer her towards playdoh, blocks, cars, painting as I find those more bearable, but 3 hours of nursery a day definitely helps.

My DS was quite high maintenance.., not quite as much as your Dd though!! I used to do everything possible to tire him out, parks, swimming, scooting, walking making him run races around the garden, basically getting him tired out so a reasonable 8pm bedtime worked. He still isn’t good at going to bed early (teenager now) but I made sure I got rid of as much of his energy doing physical stuff as I could.

It's a bit ridiculous to say "just put her to bed earlier" - she's not going to magically need more sleep and as pp have said will I just wake up earlier. I think you've been very wise in choosing your battles in having her awake and playing happily for the hours before bed and then sleeping immediately rather than hours of tussling and trying to make her stay in bed when she's obviously not sleepy.

But where is your dp in all this? It's pretty shit that he refuses to take both kids at once, but surely he can entertain one or both of them occasionally? Your op reads as if you're a single mum.