To think things said to SEN parents can be horrific

[summernight]

What's the worst you've had said to you?

Yesterday, after a school event, that ds (8 - HFA) was involved in with the class and the teacher said to me 'it was great, he looked just all the other children during the event. At the end of the day, all us parents want is for our children to look normal' (soooo....he doesn't look normal the rest of the time). Sad thing is, I smiled and didn't say anything.

Grrrr.

DS2 uses the disabled child trolley in Sainsbury's because he has suspected ADHD. We either get people staring in the café, or when I ask for the trolley at customer services: "Who's disabled?" really aggressively. He's already embarrassed about it.

Oh, and just after DS1 was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, XFIL to the physio: "He will still be able to run about like a normal little boy, won't he?" I'm ashamed to say that I snapped at him, "He is a normal little boy! He was born with it! He's the same little boy as he was yesterday!"

Oh yes windmills Adding to this, professionals who insist on having discussions about DS in front of him, like he can't understand them.

He's only 3 but he picks up a lot - who wants to hear a list of what they can't do??

I think the worst thing is not having an identiity im.always mum , ill go into meetings and they talk about my child and as an after thought they say "so what does mum think"?

We also get stuff addressed to "the parents of XX"

You have my fucking name on the forms you ingrates! (sorry for swearing, am having a ranty Friday..)

And i.think bavk to my nursing days and professionals are very guilty of that you forget that the most important people are the child/adult in question and theiir family

Ues parent or guardian of ffs it takes two mimutes to pur a parent or guardians name

To be fair tho, I used to get the 'mum' thing from the Drs, school etc before we had a diagnosis.

Its the one thing that really pushes my buttons - am I so invisible that my presence is reduced to being someone's mum, rather than a person in my own right??

I can sadly relate to many of the comments here. We have 4 children with complex needs and possibly the worst comment has been " why did you carry on having more"

Wr have quite a lof spwcial need support in my town and i went to a carers day a few monthe back and they recognised that which is nice ., and we got a little f
Goody bag saying'i am more than" meaning i am more. than (childs name) a bit cheesy but it was meant ro represent alltje things you are other than being "mum"

Sorry should clarify ... not thst it matters but they all have ASD / ASC not a screenable difficulty

Thats awful Imno

Evidently we caused our child's paralysis by giving him too much calpol. And there were the doctors putting it down to nerve damage caused by a virus! I look forward to setting them straight at the next appointment!

Worst thing said to me by a teacher "Life is full of odds and sods, you just have an odd!"

I didn't say anything! Neither did I say anything when a teaching assistant approached Dd leaving church and said "you manage to behave yourself when you're with your parents!"

But inside I am raging!!

Tbh a lot of these professionals need to volunteer at places like national autistic society and other organisations like sendiass so they can get a clue what we deal with say to day, often caused by ppl like themselves.
I’ve now decided after a crappy year I will try my best to avoid any dealings with my sons school senco at all as she’s a bloody waste of space.

This is what upsets me about the world today, the fact that in the 21st century we can’t be more tolerant, understanding and kind to others. Not quite the same thing about DC having SEN, but I was born 3 months prematurely and have high frequency hearing loss. I wore hearing aids from a young age and was fortunate that my class mates never said anything or judged me, but I remember being a bit upset when someone at work asked me why I sounded ‘funny’. 😢🙄 I also get upset when they show tv programmes like ‘The Undateables’ and show those with neurological conditions like Tourette’s being portrayed as people who are constantly judged and as though they are incapable of getting a job because of a condition that is something they are born with.

I have a drug induced involuntary movement disorder and feel like the discrimination others have towards it - but don’t voice - is there in the background waiting to come out when I try to return to work in a year’s time after my maternity leave. I know society is supposedly more tolerant / PC these days but this thread confirms my fears and feelings that very sadly it isn’t and that I may have a hard time finding a job and employer who would be understanding about my condition.

Tbh my mum has commented that I am going through the same junk with my ds that she did with my brother thirty year ago.