Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don't owe OH this money

102 replies

whatdoyouthank · 19/09/2018 20:43

I had a car crash in January my car got written off. OH brought me the same car and I agreed to pay him off when I got the payout.

I received the cheque yesterday but I feel as if I shouldn't have to give him the full amount because he sold his car and now drives mine. I'm not even insured on the car he bought me and he drives it full time.

Just wondering what everyone else thinks not trying to be greedy

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 23:49

greentulips you are wrong. Sorry

WeWantJustice · 19/09/2018 23:57

WTF.

LTB.

BackforGood · 20/09/2018 00:03

He has money I have nothing but it will be a shit storm if I tell him I'm not handing it over

I too think you might want to start a different thread, over in Relationships, about this ^.

The car is not the real issue here.
Both the fact that "he has money and {you} have nothing" when you've just had a baby. Also the fact that "it will be a shit storm if I tell him I'm not handing it over".

Two really big issues you need to address.

MirriVan · 20/09/2018 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 20/09/2018 00:08

He can buy himself a car then if the car is in your name.

Tell him you are now having your car, will be removing him from the insurance as a named driver, and insuring it for you solely to drive.

Tell him to buy his own replacement car.

gamerchick · 20/09/2018 00:12

Ask him. Ask if you're going to buy your own car with the money or is he going to hand that one over so you can drive it.

Why haven't you brought it up? He's your husband, me brains boggling Confused

Fannydango · 20/09/2018 00:13

Yes, sorry, OP said OH not DH.

I still find it odd when couples are weird/possessive about money and who paid for what etc

Rhiannon13 · 20/09/2018 00:24

I'd be more worried about the relationship than the car issue.

Rhiannon13 · 20/09/2018 00:28

PS: almost every thread I've read today, the simple solution has been to 'talk to the person involved'. When did this stop being a thing? Is moaning to a load of strangers really the right way to solve problems?

No. It's real life conversations that solve problems.

SpikyCactus · 20/09/2018 00:29

Give him the money. Take your car back and take him off the insurance. Don’t let him drive it any more.

findingmywaytoday · 20/09/2018 00:30

Op you're NOT being greedy. You wrote off your car. Your oh has bought a car, which he says is for you...HOWEVER, you don' drive it. ..

Basically like previous posters have said, he has bought himself a new car! keep the payout. He hasn't done you a favour, and frankly even IF he had done, he shouldn't be sniffing for the money. I know my husband wouldn't and vice versa.

Gersemi · 20/09/2018 00:58

You shouldn't be in the position where you have no money. If you're married, his assets are jointly yours, and if you're not, he should still be helping and supporting you if he professes to be your partner.

BerylStreep · 20/09/2018 22:42

So he has got to drive the car for free for the last 7 months, whilst pocketing the proceeds from the sale of his car.

Do you live together?

This is all just wrong.

Thebluedog · 21/09/2018 10:15

Don’t forget, if he does decide you get the car, and he’ll use the money you give him to get another new car for himself, you pay the price it’s worth now, and not what he paid for it. He’s been using it for 7 months, so he’s got 7 months worth of depreciation and mileage to pay for

5SecondsFromWilding · 21/09/2018 10:29

How exactly did the decision come about to sell his car? Was this discussed with you? Especially in terms if how he planned on getting about, the usage of 'your' car, the rationale behind only him being insured. Surely there was a discussion during all of this in which the payment for this car was reconsidered as the car has changed from being intended for your sole use to being solely used by him.

user139328237 · 21/09/2018 10:39

He sold his car and the money was spent on decorating the house to the whole families benefit. He would probably have still sold that car if you hadn't written off your old one. You were the one who wrote of the car so you should be the one who pays for its replacement.
It is irrelevant that he has since sold his car as the money was spent on things for the whole family and not just himself and also because absent of you writing the car off a new car wouldn't have had to be purchased (and you still wouldn't have been driving your car at this point as you are not driving for reasons unrelated to the crash).

Holdingonbarely · 21/09/2018 11:18

If it’s now a family car then you pay half? And pay your own insurance
And pay half the decorating costs.
That’s how I would put it.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 21/09/2018 11:27

User139 are you the Op’s OH?

TheEmmaDilemma · 21/09/2018 11:59

Ok so he used the money from his car for family stuff, and used the car he got you while you didn't need it.

So now you need to put the money you have on the table to get a second car as you obviously will need one. You can figure out if he continues to drive yours and you get a different one, or if he gets one himself.

But that seems fair to me.

FullOfJellyBeans · 21/09/2018 12:29

I just can't get my head around his money grabbiness in general. I know some couples keep separate finances even after kids but I usually assumed that was just for spending money not for essential family items e.g. cars.

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2018 12:35

This is a but strange.

If he's driving the car full time, then surely you need a second car?

If this is the case, then use the money for that.

And agree, why aren't you discussing this with your husband?

BerylStreep · 21/09/2018 14:41

I doubt there will be a second car. I think the OH will want op to pay for it, but he still gets to use it.

The car itself appears to be a red herring. From what the op describes, the relationship seems to be very unequal. For those asking why she doesn't just discuss it with him, op has already said she thinks there'll be a shitstorm over it. Seems reasonable to me to ask for help in forming her ideas first.

I think the context is everything here. How long have they been together, do they live together, is this their first child, what are the respective earning powers, who pays what in terms of bills.

happyhappycarcar · 21/09/2018 16:34

I thought the owner of the car had to insure it? Your DP can be a named driver but if it's in your name then you should be on the insurance.

We have a family car but it is in one name as them the rules.

TittyGolightly · 21/09/2018 16:40

^^that's not right.

Thebluedog · 21/09/2018 16:45

It’s actually very difficult to insure a car that you don’t legally own, if your name isn’t on the v5 you will struggle to insure it.

I had a car that I didn’t use and lent it to a friend. We had all sorts of issues trying to insure it. In the end I had to insure it and put her as a named driver as no company would insure her as the car wasn’t hers.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.